My husband is acting suspiciously, I think he is having an affair
cheating husband
Salaam everyone , I have held this anger in for too long now and feel I did not deserve this. We live in usa and have been married for 15 years but after many years Allah has finally blessed us with a beautiful boy but my husband is very distant and was not there through out my birth I attended all my hospital checkups alone. At the end of my pregnancy I was so stressed that he was never at home never rung was not the husband I married many years ago. He came home once and had a very nasty vile smell, it was like he had slept with someone but not showered after so the smell of sex lingered, you may think by me saying this it is stupid but i cannot describe it any other way. We also did not have any marital togetherness he never sat near me held me cuddled me he was distant cold and very cagey about his day. When i asked why he never answered my phone calls during the day he replied phone on silent didnt see it, this happened regularly.
If i touched his phone he would shout go use your own. If phone rung he would go in another room to answer. Then when i was 8 months pregnant, i had dreams in where i could see my husband having sex with someone but her face was not visible, for two weeks I was waking up sweating at fajr time, I do not understand why this happened but it just made me more paranoid and angry. I finally had enough so I confronted him one week before baby was due "ARE U SLEEPIN WITH SOMEONE." He first put his head down looked straight into the laptop could not look at me in the face, I asked again to which he eventually replied
"NO MAN WILL EVER ADMIT TO HAVIN AN AFFAIR UNLESS THEY ARE CAUGHT BANG TO RIGHTS." To me that sounded like a confession but I had no concrete evidence, why is he behaving in this manner if he is not seeing anyone and also why do I have these horrid dreams at fajr, what does one do. I read namaz and pray to Allah for him to confess how can I trust him?
-life786
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Assalaamu alaikum,
Sister.... trust?...Trust what? He has basically confessed by what he has said. I dont think you are in a position where you need to work on yourself to 'trust' him because there is more than enough reason for you to be suspicious over him.
I see it as more of the typical case - where the man cheats , the woman knows it deep down that he is doing it, yet wants to believe otherwise and is giving herself false hopes.
Sister, let me make one thing clear to you - that by doing this, you will only hurt yourself more in the long run. It is better you confront him for good now, cry and be over with it, than to linger it on, only for it to hurt more.
If he was not cheating, he wouldn't say what he did..any man with common sense, who is not cheating on his wife and his wife asks him would probably respond with "what?!" with a very clear "No!"
Allaho alim..he may be innocent, but from what you have told us, the chances are what your heart is telling you is most likely right.
Strengthen yourself...know that you need Allah swt more than Him and hold tight to the rope of Allah. If you keep your faith in Him, he will give you what is best for you - Believe that.
I pray that Allah swt helps you during this emotional turmoil your going through, ameen.
Was salaamu alaikum
Waalaikum salam sister "Life786"
I am sorry for the pain and hardships you are going through and I pray that Allah (swt) make it easier for you by showing your husband the right path and making him the same person you were once loved by unconditionally. Though there are signs which are apparent from your post that he may have been cheating on you but I would advise you to be careful unless you have clear proof. However, his behaviour is quite questionable like hiding his mobile phone, coming home late, not being intimate with you or don't cuddle or kiss you. I won't say that spy on him either sister as it's not Islamic and marriage is based on trust and if there is no trust then what is relationship? He may turn around and say that you don't trust him (even though you have reasons to not to or his behaviour/attitude makes you not trust him) and you have trust issues or you are just suspicious etc etc. Try to look for solid proof and once you have them then have a straight talk with him. See, if he really is cheating on you then tell him that he needs to stop this behaviour as this is not morally, or religiously acceptable and it is haram for him to have any such relationship with anyone even if it's not physical. Speak to him about how you feel and tell him that he needs to change his ways and work out the problems (if there are any which he confesses after you confront him) in the relationship. Tell him that foundation of a successful marriage are build upon honesty, mutual trust, friendship and being open to each other about any problem within the relationship. If these elements are missing then often such marriages end up in divorce. Tell him that he should think about his son; what kind of example is he setting for him; children look at their parents and if they are not getting along well for whatever reason then this effects immensely upon that child's personality, intelligence, character building in fact their life overall. Here are the links of some similar posts where other sisters have gone through similar experience and have received some very good pieces of advice from brother and sisters, I hope they are going to be of great help for you sister Insha Allah. One of the most important thing sister, turn to Allah (swt), start praying regularly (if you are not already doing so), do nafl Ibaddah as much as you can, do charity, and since Ramadan is coming; try to do as much Nafl prayers and dikr as possible.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/think-my-husband-is-cheating/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-cheating-on-facebook/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-lying-and-cheating/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marriage-without-trust/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-cheated-with-sister/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/suspicious-husband-cheating-why/
May Allah guide your husband to the right path and give you patience and wisdom to deal with this problem. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Salaams, did you find out if he was having an affair? I am in exactly same situation as you. I also have dreams around fajr time he's having an affair. I have confronted him and I get told I have trust issues. I wondered what happened with you.