I have been married three times, but still don’t have children
Long story short I am now 40 years old I have always wanted children and am Muslim. I am now married for 3rd time. First marriage lasted 9 years and was before I was muslim and when I converted that marriage didnt work. During this marriage was told that husband could not have children due to being sterile. Second marriage lasted 7 years and this man was Muslim. He did not want children and tried and did everything possible to not have children with me. Even when I tried to tell him that it was my right to have children he denied me saying that I didnt know enough Qur'an nor did I know arabic and eventually found out he married me for a green card. Third marriage just stared recently and would like children.
I know that I am Muslim and shouldnt question Allah but I look at others in the world and see teens who get abortions, or throw away their unwanted child. I see drug abusers and etc have children they do not want. I see people who have 8 children and say they wished that they didnt have so many. So then I look at myself a converted Muslim woman who is running out of time to have children and say is Allah punishing me? He is taking away from my sins or something to this extreme. I pray and ask and ask for Allah to bless me with a child and wonder why I cannot have a child yet or become pregnant yet. Is there something that I can do? What can help me? I need any advice someone can give. I feel that without a child then my life feels incomplete. Sorry for saying this and astafallah allahzeem ya rub please forgive me but need some guidance please and thank you.
-loves2bthrifty
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As salamu alaykum, sister loves2,
I hope you forgive me for the words I am going to say to you, but your words are not fare to me.
Do you realize the attitude you have? Sister, Allah(swt) didn´t punish you, you were the one married for nine years to a sterile man and the one that stood for seven years with a man that didn´t want to give you children, you have been punishing yourself, you didn´t need Allah(swt) to do it. And please, stop judging others, have you wonder what would it be to be in those teens´ shoes, can you imagine the neverending life time suffering of those that kill their babies or give them away or don´t have food to feed them or clothes to warm them or shoes to protect their feet. We cannot talk so lightly about others disgraces, only Allah(swt) knows what it is in their Hearts and only to Him(swt) they will have to answer, Alhamdulillah.
Parenthood is a blessing as you mention, but we don´t need to give birth to a child to be considered a parent, in this world there are many kids in need, with no parent, what is stopping you to adopt? It is known that many women relaxed after adoption and get pregnant.
You need to calm down and accept your life the way it is, enjoy and acknowledge your blessings, go for walks, enjoy nature and its cycles, ...there is a post that give some good tips to get pregnant,
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/dua-for-starting-a-family/
And in other post, Sister Z, shared this with us:
Usually, doctors recommend that you try to conceive for a year before seeking medical help. But if you are worried, then go and see a doctor now. Whats stopping you?
Here are some duas for you:
1)Du'a of Zakariyya (Zakariah) (as), which he made in his old age while his wife was barren. Allah(swt) answered his call and gave him Yahyah (John)(as), in Qur'an, Surah Al-'Imran 3:38: "O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation."
2) Du’a of Ibrahim (as). Allah accepted his dua and granted Prophet Ibraheem two sons: Ismael and Ishaq (as), in Quran Surah Saaffaat: "My Lord, grant me from the righteous ones."
3) Du’a of Zakariyya(as). Quran Suratul Anbiyaa: 89: "Oh Allah, please don't leave me alone (childless), for you are the best of those who give inheritors."
4) Du’a in Qur'an 25:74: "Our Lord! give us spouse and children who will be the joy( and the comfort ) of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteous (Leader of God-concious people)."
5) Du’a in Quran - 46:15 Surah Al-Ahqaf: "...Oh Rabb, inspire me to give You thanks for the bounties you have granted to me and my parents, and to act righteously to please You. Lord, make my offspring virtuous. Lord I turn to you in repentance; I am a Muslim".
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you so much for your words and inspiration and Dua's. It is that sometimes we get lost along the way and need encouragment from other sisters and Imam. I guess I dont have enough social circles to get this in real life. I am in a country that I hard time to speak or understand the language so I was looking for support.
I need to hear these words so I am ok with the responces May Allah bless you both and inshallah give us strength and patience.
It is difficult when you see others who have what you want, and they have obtained it effortlessly yet aren't grateful for it. I think that is what you mean when you look at teenaged mothers etc.
Unless you have been told that you are no longer ovulating, you have time.
Sister, go to a doctor right away. Buy an ovulation kit. Start acupuncture (apparently that helps with ovulation). If you need a "push", there are medications that help you ovulate more regularly. There are women who have babies when they are 42, 43, 44 - you have to be both patient AND actively pursue your goals.
Perhaps you have already done all this and that is why you are writing in; if that is the case, I am sorry. If that is not the case, then go for it. Sister Maria has given you some good dua. With dua + medical technology - you can't go wrong!
And at least you can say that you tried!