Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with an older man


Salam to my elders,

I'm in year 11, and 16 years old but there is this guy i have met who is 25 years old and i really love him and he says he loves me but he is engaged and i don't know what to do because he says he wants to be with me and asks me to wait a year.

My mum found out about him and she said if he asks her for my hand in marriage and i am happy with him she will allow it.

You see i love him for him not his looks or anything like that i love him because he makes me a better person and makes me into Islam a bit more.

I honestly don't know what to do shall i wait for him or not and he does make me into a better person and i always pray for him.

Please help me, thank you.


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5 Responses »

  1. Aselam u alaikum,

    Dear Sister Zara,

    I feel you are a little young at the moment, so I would advise waiting a year as the man has indicated.

    It will give you time to mature and fully understand what you want. And it will also give him time to speak to his parents and break off the engagement if that is what he plans to do.

    Please be aware and do not let him take advantage of you. I hope this is not the case with you, but sometimes what happens is that the man promises that he will wed the girl in x many years, etc. The poor girl is waiting for that time to come and gives the man her heart and souls while then....only to find out that the man has been living a double life and has a wife and kids!
    So be alert and be aware. Make this crystal clear to the man.

    But, my sister, this does not mean that you spend that year fooling about with each other and still having a relationship. You will need to respect and adhere to the boundaries that our beautiful religion has set.

    And, alhamdulilah, it seems that you won't have problems from your parents accepting the proposal once he sends it.

    Just be patient. And wait. Fa Saburun Jameelun.

    All the best.

    Your Sis in Islam

  2. Salaam alaikum

    That is not an older man. You just have an oversized child. 25 is still a kid.

  3. Salam sister,

    Thank you for your advice but this guy is not going to break off the engagement for me and i also found out he has been chatting to other girls and my family know about him i have lost my cousins who were like my sisters and they dont really hate me at the moment. Alhamdullilah i have made hopefully made my relationship with Allah stronger and inshallah with His help all my family relationship can become stronger. But even if he does send (highly unlikely he's not) i am not going to accept it because i have learnt if he truly did love me he would have asked me for my hand and not influence me and making that relationship haraam,

    Thank you for your response. xx

    • Elhamdulilah!
      Please offer 2 nawafil of salat-e-shukr that He, Allah, exposed this man's true colours to you before you were deep in.

      And I'm super pleased at your decision. It's very wise for someone of your age.

      All the best

      Your Sis in Islam


      • I realise now Allah may have someone better for me rather someone who will just use me as a side thing and i hope whoever is meant to be my partner will take me to Jannah with them rather hell fire.

        Thank you so much sister for your advice i pray you have health, happiness and all the success in the future.


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