Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Leaving a girl for Allah

Assalam O Alekum brothers and sisters.

I am in one of the most difficult situation of my life probably. My story is a little bit complex. I had a friend who was like my best friend for almost 5 years. My that best friend had a girl friend. They both were very close to each other and they were used to meet each other every day. There relation was also almost 5 years old. His girlfriend was used to text me once in a while just to ask about my friend that how he is doing and you know things about him. Things were going perfectly fine between all of us.

I moved to USA almost 3 years ago and my contact with my friend remained like we were used to talk to each other every day. This happened almost January of this year when my friend and his girlfriend were planing to get married and engaged   They had plans to move to abroad and my friend asked me and I told him if he wants it is better to stay in PAKISTAN because he is rich so he will have hard time in USA. Suddenly she asked me that why am I asking them not to come to USA. And we had an argument, that’s how me and his girlfriend started talking with each other. Long story short that girl was interested in me and she said you are like my dream man. She fell in love and I kept on resisting her . Soon I also felt that I am in love with her. We started talking and my friend didn’t know. I never met that girl I never touched her . Deep inside I had a feeling that I am not doing right and I was always worried about this.

Soon, I started asking Allah for help. I asked if she is good for me make her halal otherwise make our lives part from each other. Soon, out of no where I started getting the feeling that I don’t want to be with her. She kept on saying that forget about marriage we can just talk without marriage so that we can stay with each other. I said no it is not possible it is haram and I don’t want to do haram. Suddenly she started saying that you are using cover of Allah and she kept on saying that where was your this Eman when you were with you ex in past. I always said her this was wrong and Haram In past and I have repented already and vowed not to do same thing again. We were used to talk a lot about sex and wrong things and if I say our relationship was full of haram it will not be wrong

By the help of Allah almighty, I managed to get out of that relationship. She told everything to my friend and we are not talking anymore as I can understand his pain too. I didn’t tell him in start when she was proposing me everyday because I didn’t want to spoil their relationship but then I was tricked into Shaitan trap and I also started saying her that I lOver her too. I talked to my mom too for marriage but they said it’s not possible before 1.5 years and I told her I cannot talk to you like this for 1.5 years as it is Haram and if we meet we can do Zina too. She always said that I used cover of Allah but Wallah I meant every word.  I stopped talking to her like 4 months ago and I came to know that my friend and that girl got engaged. She contacted me on this weekend and I told her to move on and try to settle with my friend and don’t fool him again but she kept on saying I want to be with you only and I don’t want to be with her. I said it is not possible and stopped talking her again. Most people think that I was flirting or doing time pass with her but this not true as I didn’t start this all and I tried to prevent this as much as I can. But she was so stubborn and didnt listen to me and this all happened. She kept on saying we can talk without marriage and we can see each other without marriage but I said this is Haram and I don’t want to do this and I had to ask Allah to help me and her to get out of this. She is not a bad girl, she is not a teenager. She is a very good intelligent 25 years girl. I live in USA and she is living in PAKISTAN so we never saw or met with each other.

2 days later my friend told me she has committed suicide and my friend blamed me for everything and she is also blaming me for everything. She is fine now Alhamdulilah and I haven’t talk to her but my friend said that this all happened because of you and she also blamed for everything and they said you can never have peace in this world and She said you can never find Allah by leaving me . I know I have been wrong in this thing too by first falling in trap of Shaitan. But they blame me for everything and it is very hard to live like this when one person tried to take their life and they blame you.

My question is how can I handle her ? What can I do now ? I don’t have any options and my friend is saying me to marry her and I don’t want to marry her as my mom did istakhara and it didn’t come good but istakhara for her and my friend turned out really good plus they both are engaged and my family says that I have to wait for almost 1.5 years and her father is not  ready to wait that much and my heart is always going away from her. I am really worried please if you guys can help me with some advise.



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5 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikum Brother,

    After a very long period, I am replying on this site.

    I can feel your longing to go away from wrong path and just submit yourself to Allah(swt) , May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.

    Yes it is very hard to know that some one tried committing suicide and believe that you are the reason but please try to understand that you cannot change what others think.

    But definitely you do not want to lose Aakhirat for this dunya... right?

    So just imagine that you are dead, the man who did got involved in haram things is dead, its a new life for you where you dont know your friend and his fiancee. Just cut off all your contacts and dont give in to this trap again.

    May Allah (swt) guide all of us to be on right path...Aameen

  2. I would keep it short and simple. Cut off your contact in its entirety with this female. She is not mentally stable and she intends to emotionally blackmail you. It's clear that she has cheated on your friend and it seems she would cheat on you if such an opportunity arises. May God give her true hidayah.

    My advice is to not get in touch with her. And brother, please make it a habit to not to talk to non-mahrams come what may! If there is an urgency, talk. Otherwise, a big no!

  3. how can you marry this girl . please stay away from their married life.

    keep yourself busy in order to forget her. Wash plentyyyyyy of clothes and utensils or walk 10 kms with out any purpose or climb trees this way you will cut upto 8 hours easily.

    finally you will forget her.

  4. Salam,
    My view is, she is desparate to get to the USA-sorry but I think your are just the way she can get it. Secondly, you are not responsible if she commited suiside, this was her decision! I feel it also kind of blackmailing, in my point of view, if somebody wants to die that make sure to die, rest of it are just attentionseekers(or just want to let people know they are suffering from or for something)
    Solution? cut all contact with her for ever. what ever she tries just stay away from her!
    God luck!

  5. Salam,

    "Committed" is when the person actually does it and dies. If they aren't successful it's called "attempted". Anyway, this girl is experiencing online love. That's where you don't see the issues one would see in real life such as bad breath, bad hair, possibly gas and other things she experiences with her fiance. That and the fact that you're in the US she's imaging all sorts of wonderful things. Like you're in a magical land and you're everything she's ever dreamed of. This and her relationship getting stale is causing her to image a heavy loss that's actually not there. I recommend, if at all possible, that she come and see the US so it bursts her bubble. Many people come here and they are rich in their third world country and realize they have to clean their own toilets. That is usually enough for them to want to return and never come back.

    Lastly, whether you marry her or not is up to you. She seems to have a warped sense of Islam as the claim that you can't find Allah by leaving her. I think she's just saying whatever comes to her head in order to get you as you are on a pedastal right now and she thinks you're the best thing ever. Purely online relationships have that effect. And hopes of a first world country have that effect too. Good luck in your life. Salam.

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