Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Mother denies him for me, because of his age

Forced marriage hadith

Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam

assalaamu alaikum,

im 19 years old and iv been emotionally blackmailed by my mother into an engagement with a 29 year old. my story is such that i was in love with a boy. a muslim boy. there is nothing wrong with him. he is from a decent family. practices islam when my mother found out she refused on the basis that he is only 2 months older to me.

to make sure that i dont go back to him she forced me into an engagement with a proposal that arrived for me around the same time. she said that if i didnt say yes to this proposal i would be killing my grandparents and disgracing the family. she put so much pressure on me. my father does not know im forced. and i cant tell him.

because my mother said that if i ever tell him i would be creating problems between him and my mother and i dont want to do that. now its been 2 months since my engagement and im not happy. i love someone else and i want to be with him. he still lvoes me to and is ready to do anything to make this work even after the engagement i have repaetedly cried to my mother saying i dont like this enagegment. but the more i tell her the more pressure she puts on me. the more she makes me talk to his family and him.

i know im not supposed to hurt my mother. but i hate this! and im really unhappy. she even threatened me not to tell the boy im enaged to anything. in a desperate attempt with nothing left to do recently told him. but he does not understand. he is putting more pressure on me now as well. just like my mother. he's saying that he's mother is sick and all and she cant take any stress. he's telling that we should get married soon and then evrything will be ok.

i even told him that im not happy and that i love someone else. he's saying that after we get marrried he can change all of that. i dont want to disgrace my family or hurt my parents. im under so much stress and pressure. please help me. its still the enagement after all and i dont want it to go up to a wedding. pleaase help!

~ depressed and confused


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5 Responses »

  1. Wassalam Behn ; You must say NO to this marriage . Marriage isnt just an agreement ! you'll be sharing your everything with your husband . if you marry this other guy that your mother wants you to ; later whenever you imagine of your old lover in this marital relation ship ; you'll be committing sin ! i hope u got the point for which i cant really find right words .. may Allah bless you with the things you wish for ; Amen

  2. Salam,

    Under any circumstances, you should never hurt your mother and father's feeling.
    He is only 2 months older than you. Honestly,both of you are not matured enough to get married.
    "We should get married soon", thats not a solution. Getting married is easy but hardest part is living the life. Emotion, love will go away after facing the harsh reality. However, you should not marry someone that you are not interested at all. Marry someone you love, can rely on and mature enough to lead a family life.
    Speak to you dad, ask for help and advice. Force marriage is not an option either. May Allah guide you to right path and help to take the right decision. Ameen.

    • If the parents are making the child do something against Islam, in this case forced marriage, then the child has EVERY right to disobey them. The marriage wouldn't be valid because it's forced so she would be commiting zina if she did marry him...

  3. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    I would just say that you are too young to make such a decision. Marriage is not a child's play. It is a decision that is going to abide by you for the rest of your life. It will affect you either in a good way or bad. So, do not haste. If your parents deny this man just because he is 2 months older, then that is not a valid reason, but it does not seem to be the right time to talk about this.

    However, I would advise you to convince them to delay the concerned engagement for some years, because you are not ready for it yet. They can not force it upon you.

    But if you choose to go ahead with the relationship, then try to understand the man and see if you can relate to him and look for good in him. If he has issues that show a flaw in his Deen, his 'Aqeedah, then that is a reason enough for you to deny him. But you should not approach to look for faults. Be honest and try to work it out.

    These are the options you have, and maybe more. Allah Is The One Who Knows Best. So, persorm Salatul Istikhaarah in order to seek Allah's Choice in the matter. You are a servant of Allah. His Choice should be yours. Accept whatever it is. He Knows what is good for you, while you do not. He Says:

    Surah al Baqarah, 216:

    ...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.

    Subhanallah, This Is our Lord. What you maybe considering love may not actually be it. Allahu A'lam.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  4. To me I also think you should involve your father. He is the head off your family. Your both parents should know your situation your like dislike. You should respect your mother blindly. I read it somewhere says dosent matter your parents are not good even if they are kafir you should not disrespect them Allah dissent love those person who dosent respect parents. On other hand it's also true that force marriage is forbidden in Islam. I strongly suggest you to tell your father everything involve him.

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