Need to make a quick decision
I am in a dilemma. I need your advice on it. Please help me.
I have been talking to a boy who is 15 years old, and I am 26 years old. He thinks that I am 23.
I used to advice him in many matters like my younger brother. We got pretty close but this closeness made us fall in love with each other.
We wish to live together forever in this world and the hereafter. He had expressed himself, however I didn't. He understood that I also had feelings for him.
Then one day, he asked me if I am ready to do nikah with him so that our talk would be legal, nothing wrong. Then we would stay with each other once he starts earning at the age of around 23 or 24.
I was confused initially, but then I was very happy to know that.
We decided to say to our parents and get our nikah done now. Due to major age difference, it will be very hard to convince our parents. As for the guy, he says that age doesn't matter to him. He gives an example of our Prophet Muhammad. He wants to be with me forever, so do I.
I do not know what to do, and what will be best for us. We did istekhara and decided to say our parents. Before that, I wanted your advice.
As he is just 15, could his decision be considered serious? People in earlier times used to get married at this age but nowadays this is very uncommon, which makes me confused of what could be right.
Please help me and suggest me please. I do not know what to do.
togetherinjannah
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Don't marry him. I'm sure he has an education, a life to build before he is in a position to marry.
I had a friend who married his cousin when he was 15 and his brother married when he was just 13! I know exactly what happened to them. They had to stop their education, they had to lose most of their friends and they had to start working. It can work, but I'm very confident in saying, they would have preferred if they had got married to the same girls 5 years later.
Your relationship with him is not good. Both of you should not be speaking to each other, because you have allowed yourselves to reach this awful position.
Assalamualaikom sister togetherinjannah
May Allah make things easy for you
Technically there is nothing wrong with you guys getting married. Legally it is not possible..
But I see in the relationship you are the leader, the mature and he is the follower. are you OK with this arrangement.
Waiting another 7 years for him to make a family is not realistic.. you will be negatively affected as a woman. Your age of productivity is limited and you cannot waste this precious time of your life waiting for a teenager who still have a long way to mature
My advice is if there is no finantial issue you guys getting married say in like 2-3 years time maximum it is still possible. other than that it is better to love him as a brother and go about finding a good husband for yourself. He also will find a suitable sister when he is matured and ready
and Allah knows best
Salaamalaikum,
As you said, "He gives an example of our Prophet Muhammad ( may Allah exalt his mention ) . He wants to be with me forever, so do I."
Khadijah (R.A) married our prophet (SAW) as he (SAW) was of a very noble family and for his impeccable moral character, and he was widely known as one of the most honest men around and he was an insightful businessman in his own right.
You see any of those qualities at least at some degree in this 15-year-old?
One more Major Problem: "I have been talking to a boy who is 15 years old"
- that's forbidden in Islam!
So make taubah and take the right decision.
Assalamo walikum sister
First before I can say anything, I have to say yes age does matter when it comes to marriage. He is very young right now and clearly not thinking straight because as he is still a kid. Yes Islam doesn't prevent anyone getting married what ever age. But you have to understand Allah gaves us brain and He wants us to use it. I know your guy friend said that the prophet gave example and he want to follow like the prophet. Our prophet did not do anything of his own will, he did everything what Allah told him; every single days. When the prophet got married he was 25 yrs old that means he was fully adult. Your friend is still young and he has long way to go. He saying he want to be married but being a husband its not a joke. You and him both will struggle in the marriage because it will be too much for him. I know you are ready, as you are fully adult but he is too young. He is just 15 and boys mature little slower than girls; two years behind. That means he has a mind of 13 yrs boy. If you marry him now, you are not going to be his wife but it will turn into something else. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's true. And yes you will get pregnant because it won't be possible to keep away from each other. Then that will be very difficult. Now ask yourself, can you handle raising a child and a husband at the same time? When you get married you want to decide it's forever and not we will do our best and let's see how far we can get. If you married him, you may make difficult for him to continue to build his life. Its better to let him go because this is a test from Allah and He us testing you. If you control now then inshallah Allah will find you that will be the best for you. Patience is virtue of Islam and it's the best option.
Hope this helps
May Allah help you to better understanding!
I don't know where you live, but in my country 15 year olds are considered children and it's strictly illegal for adults to engage in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with them. If you were caught talking about romance and marriage with this child, you could actually face some serious legal problems that will haunt for the rest of your life. Please quit all communication with this BOY. You are close to 30, you have no business building friendships with boys half your age. If he needs guidance in life, I assume he has parents, school counsellors and other professionals that can help him out with that. It's not your job to do it.
It is not normal for a 26 yr old woman to be in love with a 15 year old boy and wish to marry him. He is a child. In Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, even atheism - regardless of which religion you follow -- grown mature women do not marry children. In many countries around the world, you would be arrested by the police and/or sent for psychiatric assessment.
You should break away from this attachment immediately, stop all contact with this child, and discuss your feelings with a mental health professional.
Someday, you may meet and marry an adult male who will be the right match for you. This child is not it.
Assalamualaikum, togetherinjannah:
In Islam, puberty is the minimum criteria to get married. the rest is for you to decide.
Your story seems to be like from fantasy movies where young boys desires older beautifull woman .But jn reality especially post marriage this is not Easy .I suggest you to better leave him and let him foccus on his education and career .You are distracting him from his career building activities so please stop and forget him .
Salaam Sister,
Based on the thought process of boys in this day and age I think what would happen if you two would get married is that he will loose interest in you after few years and will be upset with himself for marrying you.
He is young and it's probably his hormones which are leading him to think that he loves you and that he can spend the rest of his life with you.
May Allah grant you a pious husband.
Well...if you think he's mature and he is punctual in prayer and fears Allah.....ohhh it was lust that came into effect and 15yrs old..what does he possibly know about life.He just got out if diapers...He needs to fish some schooling and believe me you will need a degree if you want stuff eg house or rent food clothes maybe travel oh Hajj. LOOK THIS A BIG JOKE..AND THE PEOPLE IN THE PAST WERE MORE MATURE AND LIFE WAS VERY HARD..KIDS WERE WORKING HARD.IF YOUR NOT SATISFIED TALK TO A TRUE SUNNI SCHOLOR FOR A 2ND OPION.
Assalamalaikum, Mr. Raul,
Isn't better for you to follow the Quran and the hadiths as the Prophet (SAW) taught us rather than talking about SOME TABILIGHI JAMAATH who claim to be true Sunnis.
The fatwas of some of the scholars concerning Jamaa’at al-Tableegh:
1 – Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz said:
Jamaa’at al-Tableegh do not have proper understanding of the issues of ‘aqeedah, so it is not permissible to go out with them, except for one who has knowledge and understanding of the correct ‘aqeedah of Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah, so that he can guide them and advise them, and cooperate with them in doing good, because they are very active, but they need more knowledge and someone who can guide them of those who have knowledge of Tawheed and the Sunnah. May Allaah bless us all with proper understanding of Islam and make us steadfast in adhering to it.
Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 8/331
2 – Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said:
Going out for the sake of Allaah does not refer to the kind of going out that they mean nowadays. Going out for the sake of Allaah means going out to fight. What they call going out nowadays is a bid’ah (innovation) that was not narrated from the salaf.
Going out to call people to Allaah cannot be limited to a certain number of days, rather one should call people to Allaah according to one's abilities, without limiting that to a group or to forty days or more or less than that.
Similarly the daa’iyah must have knowledge. It is not permissible for a person to call people to Allaah when he is ignorant. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Say (O Muhammad): This is my way; I invite unto Allaah (i.e. to the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism) with sure knowledge”
[Yoosuf 12:108]
i.e., with knowledge, because the caller must know that to which he calls people, what is obligatory, mustahabb, haraam and makrooh. He has to know what shirk, sin, kufr, immorality and disobedience are; he has to know the degrees of denouncing evil and how to do it.
The kind of going out that distracts people from seeking knowledge is wrong, because seeking knowledge is an obligation, and it can only be achieved by learning, not by inspiration. This is one of the misguided Sufi myths, because action without knowledge is misguidance, and hoping to acquire knowledge without learning is an illusion.
From Thalaath Mihaadaraat fi’l-‘Ilm wa’l-Da’wah.
And Allaah knows best.
“Jamaa’at al-Tableegh” is one of the groups that are working for Islam. Their efforts in calling people to Allaah (da’wah) cannot be denied. But like many other groups they make some mistakes, and some points should be noted concerning them. These points may be summed up as follows, noting that these mistakes may vary within this group, depending on the environment and society in which they find themselves. In societies in which knowledge and scholars are prevalent and the madhhab of Ahl al-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa’ah is widespread, the mistakes are much less; in other societies these mistakes may be greater. Some of their mistakes are:
1 – Not adopting the ‘aqeedah of Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah. This is clearly seen from the variations in the ‘aqeedah of some of their members and even of some of their leaders.
2 – Their not paying attention to shar’i knowledge.
3 – Their misinterpretation of some Qur’aanic verses in a manner that was not intended by Allaah. For example they interpret the verses on jihad as referring to “going out for da’wah”. The verses which mentioned the word khurooj (going out) etc. are interpreted by them as meaning going out for da’wah.
4 – They make their system of going out for da’wah an act of worship. So they started to misquote the Qur’aan to support their system which specifies certain numbers of days and months. This system, which they think is based on evidence from Qur’aan, is widespread among them in all countries and environments.
5 – They do some things that go against sharee’ah, such as appointing one of them to make du’aa’ for them whilst the group goes out for da’wah, and they think that their success or failure depends on whether or not this man was sincere and his du’aa’ accepted.
6 – Da’eef (weak) and mawdoo’ (fabricated) ahaadeeth are widespread among them, and this is not befitting for those who aim to call people to Allaah.
7 – They do not speak of munkaraat (evil things), thinking that enjoining what is good is sufficient. Hence we find that they do not speak about evils that are widespread among the people, even though the slogan of this ummah – which they continually repeat – is:
“Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islam), enjoining Al-Ma‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden). And it is they who are the successful”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:104 – interpretation of the meaning]
The successful are those who enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, not just those who do only one of the two.
8 – Some of them fall into self-admiration and arrogance, which leads them to look down on others, and even to look down on the scholars and describe them as inactive and sleeping, or to show off. So you find them talking about how they went out and travelled, and they saw such and such, which leads to unfavourable results, as we have mentioned.
9 – They regard going out for da’wah as better than many acts of worship such as jihad and seeking knowledge, even though those things are obligatory duties, or may be obligatory for some people but not others.
10 – Some of them audaciously issue fatwas, and discuss tafseer and hadeeth. That is because they allow each one of them to address the people and explain to them. This leads to them speak audaciously on matters of sharee’ah. So the inevitably speak of the meaning of a ruling, hadeeth or verse when they have not read anything about it, or listened to any of the scholars. And some of them are new Muslims or have only recently come back to Islam.
11- Some of them are negligent with regard to the rights of their children and wives. We have discussed the seriousness of this matter in the answer to question no. 3043.
Hence the scholars do not allow people to go out with them, except for those who want to help them and correct the mistakes that they have fallen into.
We should not keep the people away from them altogether, rather we must try to correct their mistakes and advise them so that their efforts will continue and they will be correct according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah.