His parents won’t accept me as I am foreign. I really want their blessings
Importance of family ties in Islam
I'm new here. I'm a European girl who converted into islam 9 years ago. I then decided to move to a muslim country wishing to meet a husband with islamic principles.
Two and a half years ago I met him however his parents are against our marriage because I am not from the country (foreigner in their eyes). Its all so upsetting because I don't want to marry without his parents blessing but the only thing they have against me is that im not from their country!
They have met me and they know what kind of person I am but they dont want soceity to judge them as the family who had to marry a foreigner ( in this country it is only men who need a visa to leave who normally wed foreigners). They feel ashamed and they dont want society to view them as second class citizens. They want their son to marry a girl from their country of a certain family which will bring prestige! I have no prestige I'm simply a foreign girl who lives to make their son happy and them too! I have no idea what I need to do!!
I pray istikhara on a daily basis but God brings him closer and closer to me! I do believe that god is guiding me but in the meantime im hurting inside becuase i Know my partner is hurting too. He is between two fires me and the family. May god make this situation easier and may god guide everyone.
xxx
-sisterB
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Salaam sister B.
I am sorry to hear about this difficult situation you are in.
Unfortunately so many of us are so concerned with family 'honour' and about what society thinks of us, rather than what Allah swt thinks. His family also are doing this. May Allah save us from this damaging ideology, their reasons for rejecting you (or at least the reasons they have given) are unislamic.
I am afraid to say you cannot force them to accept you dear sister, although I understand you must really want their blessings. The only thing you can do is try to persuade them. Try to speak to them with your fiancee or get your fiancee to speak to them nicely and ask them other than being a foreigner what their concerns are. If they are worried about you integrating, try to put their fears at rest. Let them know you are sincere. Also you can nicely remind them of how they shouldnt reject you without a good reason, using the Quran and Sunnah. It is probably better to ask your fiancee to do this, in case they mistake it for disrespect.
Finally you could try to get an Imam or religious leader of some kind to persuade them to accept you as their daughter in-law. If they agree then it is yours and his choice whether you wish to proceed with marrying him or not, and hoping they will InshaAllah come around to the idea.
Whatever you decide, regardless of how they treat you, treat them with respect and as well as doing Istikhaarah ask Allah swt to guide you towards whats good to you in your own language too. This requires the utmost patience. Ask Him to make the path to whats best for you easy and keep you away from whats bad. Ponder over the meaning of the Istikhaarah dua. Read the links above on top of page to learn more about it. Also consider doing istikhaarah before fajr. These things helped me so InshaAllah they will help you.
May Allah swt help you and give you best of this situation and save our Ummah from ignorance!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Assalamu alaykum SisterB,
My "partner" before marriage does not befit a Muslima.
Your love and coming closer "should be after marriage", I hope you are aware of this Insha Allah. Fear Allah, keep your duty to Him, read the Qur'an, carry out your acts of worship and leave the matters to Allah. Stop unnecessary contact with a non Mahram man. No more coming close without marriage, please. For your good dunya and aakhirah, turn to Allah in repentance and seek His help.
Trust Him and keep Sabr until the day of union comes, Insha Allah. May Allah ease your way for you.
If His will is to marry you to Him, there is none who can change it.
Being a Muslim what should we do?
Submit to the will of Allah. If He is not coming in your life, accept it as the will of Allah, if He marries you, accept it as the will of Allah. For us Muslims is to keep our duty to Allah and it is upon Allah to provide for us, and He is the best of all who make provision, He is indeed, the best of providers.
So submit patiently to His command.
Allah says in Surah Talaaq:
2.....And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him,
3. And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things.
12. Allah it is who hath created seven heavens, and of the earth the like thereof. The commandment cometh down among them slowly, that ye may know that Allah is Able to do all things, and that Allah surroundeth all things in knowledge.
I hope Insha Allah, the Message is clear to your heart.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Thank you brother and sister Sarah. Well I have now decided that the best thing to do is to leave his country and go back to mine for a while. Like this he has some intimate time with his parents so that he may converse with them kindly and patiently about our situation. I must now have faith and submit myself to Allahs will. Thank you for your help
Salaam
sisterb