Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents won’t ever Agree to Marrying Him

hijabi sister

Salaam,

I am an 18 year old girl who is in love with a Pakistani Guy. He is a practising Muslim, and is masha'allah a very good one. We are both in love and are planning on getting married after We both finish university. We were planning on telling our families after uni, but my mum found out earlier. Since then i have explained the situation to him and we have stopped every form of communication with him. and he said he will wait for me and in a few years he will come to parents and ask for marriage.  She is very stressed and angry that i am in a relationship with a pakistani guy. Our culture is very strong and everyone just has to get married to a sri lankan. I have tried to explain to my mum how in islam it is wrong for her to disapprove of a guy who has has good character and is islamically good, but she just wont listen and keeps saying that shaytaan is influencing me.. My mum is emotionally black mailing by saying that she will die if i end up marrying him, she says things like :
. you either choose your family or you choose him, but if you choose him then you have to move away and never come to us again
. Your dad works so hard day and night and he has big hopes for you, if you do this it will break him and he wont ever be happy again
. Everyone in the community respects you, if you do this no one will respect you again and our family will lose respect too
. people will keep backbiting about us because your married to a Pakistani
. your grandmas favourite grandchild and she has the hope of you marrying the perfect lankan guy.
. how am i going to communicate with his family, our families wont ever get along! if you marry him and a problem occurs how am i going to communicate with them to sort out the problems.
Basically my parents really care about what others think about them, and they worry that people in our community will always backbite about my parents for letting me marry him. Its like they care about what others say more than my happiness, its always been like that in our culture.
I love my family and i understand from her point of you, but i really believe that this man will make me really happy and will be an amazing husband and father in shaa allah. My father doesn't know about this but i know for a fact that if he does, i wont be alive, he will beat the crap out of me and disown me !.
Please help me in what to do, i want to be selfish and get both my family and my man.

afra99

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1 Responses »

  1. Asalamo alleykom!

    subhanallah im going thro exactly the same thing but the guy proposed to me now already and he is from Alabnia and my mum and dad is saying no.... and i think i will choose him because he reminds me of islam and everything. he is a good person and i really do love him aswell...

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