Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Respect and Love for a teacher

Joshua Earle_Sunset above the Clouds_ZkBgR2U

Asslam o Alaikum

In 2000, I fell in love with my teacher in a high school of Karachi. I spent almost two years in high school with him as a student and then joined University. Later on a daily basis contact became impossible and I tried to get his time and attention just by means. I am not a guy and do not want any unlawful and unethical relationship type. The respect and Love with him is very similar and equal to the love and respect I have for my father. I met him almost 15 years ago for the first time in high school and then later I started my professional life as well. I used to meet him off and on on different occasions and remain in contect. Now, he is of 52 year male muslim and I am of 30 year male muslim.

The reality is, I could not build an informal relation with that person. Suddenly he started ignoring me and I also decided to remain apart and not to disturb him to get his time. But still many a times I love to see him, to talk him and to listen him. I am unable to understand this relationship type.

My queries are,

What should I do to keep in a continuous touch with him;

Whether I should forget him or turn all this a healthy fruitful relation; and

What Islam says about this type of relationship.

Saadi

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15 Responses »

  1. Salam brother Saadi,

    Hoping you are doing well. Please see my response/advice below after quoting some part of your situation:
    ---
    "I am not a guy and do not want any unlawful and unethical relationship type. The respect and Love with him is very similar and equal to the love and respect I have for my father."

    Ok alhamdulillah

    "My queries are,
    1. What should I do to keep in a continuous touch with him;"

    1. Any friendship/ relationship requires both sides effort. If your teacher is not putting that effort probably he is busy with other matters of his life then you can't do much. Your continuous communication may disturb him or he may find your communication irrelevant as you are no longer his student.

    2. "Whether I should forget him or turn all this a healthy fruitful relation; and"

    2. I think you did your part to keep in touch with him.so therefore you should leave it now. Whenever your teacher wants to get in touch with you then he will.

    3. "What Islam says about this type of relationship."

    3. Islam says it is okay to find people influential and engaging (where it benefits you in your deen).
    ---
    Hope you found this helpful.

    Best wishes,
    Me

  2. OP:I am not a guy and do not want any unlawful and unethical relationship type. The respect and Love with him is very similar and equal to the love and respect I have for my father. I met him almost 15 years ago for the first time in high school and then later I started my professional life as well............ I used to meet him off and on on different occasions and remain in contact. Now, he is of 52 year male muslim and I am of 30 year male muslim.

    Do you mean to say "I am not "gay"? Are you married?

  3. I think it is simply an obsession that you have developed for somebody you admire. Something similar to celebrity crushes that younsters have. Obsessions are always unhealthy. Your teacher is probably busy in his life while you probably have a lot of time on your hands. I suggest you turn your mind to healthy pursuits. Join a gym, a language class or volunteer. Bring a new focus in life and try to consciously block out his thoughts with something productive. With time, you will outgrow him and see him as he is: a former good teacher.

  4. Oh come on for common sense's sake: It's a she, not a he as she clearly says "I'm not a guy"
    This guy SVS takes the word 'guy' as gay. :).
    She is saying she is a 'she' coz her name is Saadi which is easily confused with a guy's name.

    Salaamalaikum,

    Dear Saadi,

    In Islam, It's either marriage or no relationship at all, okay. So, if you like him, approach him through parents or through somebody for a marriage proposal. It's good that you've kept the relationship formal so far, so if you'd approach him for marriage and he denies it, he won't get hurt at all!

    Salaam.

    • Salam Yusuf brother.

      I gathered this person in.question is a guy because later in his post he said:
      "Now, he is of 52 year male muslim and I am of 30 year male muslim."

      • Walaikumassalaam.

        I guess we all lack some common sense then 🙂 Well, I was thinking how can we have a gay here, right?

        • Salam brother Yusuf,

          I can respect SVS's interpretation of the poster clarifying their sexuality, and also don't see why a gay couldn't be here.

          Also, we should let the original poster re-clarify, as there was either a typo (unintentional error) or two contradictory statements in the original post:

          "I am not a guy"
          "I am of 30 year male muslim"

          And Allah knows best.

          Thank you.

  5. Salam Saadi,,

    We have not forgotten about you and would like to try to help you the best we can.

    Can you please let us know if you are a brother or a sister?

    I ask this because you say that you "fell in love" with your teacher, but also that "the respect and love you have for him is similar with what you have with your father." Also, you say you are not a guy ( did you mean "not gay?"), but also that you are a male muslim.

    Please help us to help you!

    Thank you!

    Nor

    • Salaam,

      Haven't you noticed, Nor, that most of the questioners do not read our answers. Actually, 70% of em don't read our answers. I blame it on the website.

      • Salam Brother Yusuf,

        I can understand your frustration in not getting a faster "return" so to speak....however, I believe the original poster or at least someone who needs the same or similar help does read the posts, whether the same day or in 10 years. I think a lot of people who post are very troubled and don't have the energy to respond....just to read and implement the advice.

        It's possible that the website gets enough questions that the turnaround time between submission and publishing has a slight lag...some people might even forget they posted or, alhamdullilah, may have had their problem solved by Allah by the time their question is published, which would be great indeed!

        I understand, but if I were you, I would keep responding the best you can 🙂

        Nor

        • Also, the reality is that I am not you, so with respect for your expressed feelings and needs at this moment, maybe I would advise you to help on even more posts and also focus even more on the quality of your responses...that may increase your chance of getting the direct response you desire from the original poster...just some thoughts 🙂

          Inshallah you will get some nice appreciation and or/feedback.

          Nor

  6. Brother,

    With all due respect, this is an advice forum and I am here to give and read advice. I will make dua for you to find someone to exchange views with. In the meantime, please frequent some message boards that are more the coffeehouse variety for exchanging opinions and what not.. May Allah give you the best company.

    Also, FYI, there is an original poster continuing to seek guidance on the "I married the wrong man" topic. Perhaps you could give her a word or two of wisdom.

    I wish you all the best.

    Nor

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