Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secret nikkah between sunni/shia

secrets, hidden past,

I am  ashia, syed muslim girl. When I was doing my bachelors, a guy who is sunni muslim fell in love with me. He followed me for 3 years, then I also felt that he was the man who loves me the most and he is committed. One day, his friend came and told me that he is very much interested in me, so why don't I say yes to him? so I thought a lot about it, and I allowed him to call me he called me one evening. When I picked up the phone he was crying and begging me not to reject his love. So after a week or so, I also had a feeling of love for him. The only reason behind my falling in love with him was that he was extremely in love with me, and he was not able to forget me or leave me like this.

So we started talking to each other on mobile, but I told him on the very first day that I am shia and I am not a girl of friendship or dating etc; and  if he is interested in me then propose me straight away but my parents will never accept him. So he was serious about marrying me and committed, and so was I. He sent a proposal ten times, but my father rejected him just because he is sunni. When I knew that my father would never accept him, we both did nikah secretly.

Then time was passing,  and after my bachelors I did an MBA  and also worked for 3 years. I was living with my father, and he was abroad. I think 7 or 8 years passed away. I met my husband may be 10-12 times in those 8 years. Now I am fed up living away from him, and he is also very disturbed.

Last week I again told my father to kindly accept his proposal, that I  like him, I love him, and I can't marry anyone else. But he again said that it's a sin to marry a sunni man, and I am syed so prophet Mohammad (P.B.U.H) will not forgive me if I marry him.

Now I don't know what to do. I am tired of praying. I prayed so much, I recited so many duas, I fasted so much...but Allah is not listening to me. He is not fulfilling my wish, so what can I do? Please suggest something to me; I can't leave him because he loves me more than anything in this world and he is my husband now, so I can't leave him. I didn't tell my father that I did nikah with him. My father himself is not a very good man, and he has done so many muttas with prostitutes, so I don't know why is he stopping me. Then he says muttah is halal in islam, but whatever I am doing is haram- marrying a sunni man he will never support me.

Help me! Please, what should I do now????????

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10 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Who was your wali when you married this man? Without a wali, your marriage to him wouldn't even be valid. If you hadn't married him already, I would've advised you to talk to one of your imams or even an uncle or older brother (if you have one), to see if they could persuade your dad to be reasonable. If not, you have the option of choosing another wali, because your father didn't give islamically valid reasons for rejecting the proposals.

    All I can say is, there is no sin upon a shia if they marry a sunni. There is no sectarianism in true Islam. Being a syed doesn't matter, either. Prophet SAWS never said that his family can only marry amongst themselves. Astaghfirullah. How then would the Prophet SAWS himself marry such a variety of women?

    What's done is done, and you made your choices already. In my view there are no wishes left for Allah to fulfill, as you've already been married now several years. I suggest you tell your father what you did, and then tell him you're moving to live with your husband- then do so. He has rights over you, and the fact that he's put up with the situation for this long shows a degree of patience. I think it's not right you keep him waiting longer, so take responsibility for your choice and go forward with your married life the correct way.

    -Amy Editor

    • Assalamo walikum!
      I agree. Please do not take this wrong sister. but you are doing and continually doing its wrong doing. A husband has right over his wife as wife has right over her husband. I know you don't want to disrespect your parents decision but you have already married him and you marrying a man and making him wait its wrong. You should be pleased and lucky to know someone far away loves you that much for him to have that patience. If you need help convincing your parents, telling about your marriage is a reason to make them convince. And if they still refused to do so then try to understand they are not trying to save you from haram and zahannam. And it's ok to not listen to your parents when they are wrong. parents are human bring and if they believe or act upon haram, you can stand up and speak. You think your dua not being accept but it's cleanly showing it. All you have to do is act upon it.

      May Allah gaves you strength and anyone who are struggling.


  2. what does shia mean for you?
    What is the reason behind your family not accept a Sunni man?
    Fanaticism or a real reason?
    Explain it first. Because you have much more serious problems than marriage in your life.
    Life is serious exam with no turn back. And we need to have correct answers and choices.

    So tell us your believes first and then let us comment.

  3. Salams. I would firstly advice you greatly to look into sunni because that is the way of the prophet SAW. Then hopefully you will both be on the same page. May Allah guide you

  4. HI, why are my comments being deleted? i posted for another questions, same result.
    Please respond?

  5. I also got my post deleted for saying that there is no sunni or shia. Theres only one islam follow quran and sunnah of prophet and i got my post deleted by someone for saying nothing hateful or bad

  6. thank you for your comments.

    yes i did nikah in the presence of two persons.but they were from my husband side.from my side noboday was accepting him as coz he z sunni.
    in my eyes i have no problem marrying a sunni.from several years we are together but sheya sunni topic never had come between us.
    my father himself is not a well charactered man he is doing whatever he wants to do and drawing boundaries for me.he hates sunni this z da only reason n he says that man is allowed to marry a suuni woman but sheya women are not allowed to marry sunni men.
    i cant change his mind i dont know y he thinks like that.

    • dear minal

      shia means shian e ali companions of ali ra

      sunni means who follows acts and saying prophet muhammad saw


      ALSO there is no greater shia than PROPHER MUHAMMAD SAW being a brother and close relative

      we have no issue its created by politics islam says obey ur parents when they are right but u can deny them if them are compelling u to wrong a person is a muslim if blv in 1 GOD TOHEED AND VANISHING OF PROPHET HOOD AFTER PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW from that respect shia or sunni both are true muslims and should marry each other love each other have children

  7. It may be because he is worried about when you decide to have children. Will they be sunni or shia?
    I am also having a similar proplem and it is driving me crazy my family will not accept my wishes to marry the man I love who is shia because they feel like there will be no family connection, constant arguing and of course whether u decide to teach ur children sunni ways or shia ways. The children usually take the fathers side. After my research between sunni I realised that it hasnt got much to do with religion but more to do with politics and people need to understand that otherwise we will never unite as one ummah. Also there are many kinds of shia and sunni some are very close in what they believe. May allah help u and may he help anyone who is in this tough heart hurting situation.

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