Islamic marriage advice and family advice

To divorce or not to divorce?

broken heart

I was forced to marry my husband when I was 16 years old. I have now been married over 13 years and have 2 children from our marriage.

My husband and I had problems at the beginning but I accepted him and then 1 year into the marriage he started to hit me and continued for over 10 years and spoke to me using swear words which I got used to. He hit me when I was pregnant too. He sent all his money to his brother and never spent money on us.

He was accused of sexual assault but the charges were dropped. He was accused a second time and he was convicted and recieved a 4 month prison sentence. This broke my trust and I think ended in my view our marriage.

I thought I would be able to forgive him but I have tried so hard to make our marriage work but I just don't love him anymore. I don't know if I should stay with him for the sake of the kids or just get divorced??


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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Sonia.t, Asalaamualaykum,

    My sister, you have had to grow up very quickly, haven't you? You were forced to get married at the tender age of sixteen and that to a verbally and physically abusive man. You know what I believe? This - that neither you nor anyone should have to suffer through an abusive marriage. You asked: "I don't know if I should stay with him for the sake of the kids or just get divorced??"

    By your children seeing their father be physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, how is this benfiting them? It is not benefitting them at all - they are growing up in a very destructive and unhealthy environment. That they may be receiving financial and material comforts is not what they will remember when they grow up. What they will remember though, is the abuse they grew up around and it will most likely affect they future relationships negatively. Children will be happier living in a small humble but happy home, rather than a big flashy unhappy house. Children are innocent and look up to their parents for love and security, after Allah, they depend solely on you and their father. If their father is embroiled in inflicting abuse, and you are the one whom Allah has blessed with understanding, then you are the one who must protect 'you and your children'. If you appear strong infront of the children, they will feed from your strength too. To be strong, does not mean tolerating the abuse, it means standing up to the abuser and protecting yourself, even if that means you must leave him.

    Remember, your marriage is meant to be an act of worship, it is meant to bring you closer to Allah and give your emotional and physical comfort within legal boundaries. This article ( has some beautiful words regarding marriages in Islam:

    "The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

    The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)"


    And after all this sister, your husband has also been convicted of sexual assault. This is atrocious. You did not mention whom he committed this offence against, but whoever the victim was, his actions say nothing good of his character at all. Is this the kind of person you want your children to grow up around?

    I am not telling you to leave him, or to stay with him. But this man will not improve in character over night. He has a sickly abusive and perverted mind and needs therapy, remorse and the will to change - if he is going to improve himself. If you remain with him as he is, I see only more suffering for you and your children.

    Be strong my sister, let the light of the Quran and Sunnah guide you and remember that Allah(swt) wants ease and peace for you, not misery and hardship.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. Wa alaykum salaam sister Sonia,

    According to the scholars of shari'ah the crimes that have been commited by your husband would be punishable by death.However im assuming you don't live in an area where shari'ah is enforced.It is highly unlikely that this animal will not give you a divorce.So you must go to the Imaam who married you or an Imaam in your area and in form him of whats going on.You should divorce this man for the sake of your kids.Your kids should not have to be subject to this abuse becouse it IS abuse they are going through by watching you be abused.
    leave him as soon as your able,for the protection of your children and your self.I know that it will not be easy for you or the kids,but mark my words he will soon start hurting the children if he has not already!.


  3. Asalamualikum my sister

    my dear sister i really dont have knowledge abt your story buh can give u one advice which can suely give you peace and solutions for your problem pray to Allah from your heart and ders a durood on Prophet SAW which is known as Swallat al Nariiyaa recite thid durood as much as you can In Shaa Allah surelyy u will hav a beautiful life 🙂

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