My trust issues drove my husband away; now he hates me. Please Help!
'Love yourself first, then everything else falls into line' - Lucille Ball
aslam alykum brother and sisters.
I been married 2 years and was living with my husband before marriage. I am 23 and husbands 33 i had baby 2 month ago. Its was all perfect at first he was in love with me but my mind was all over i was previously married 2 a player long story. After getting out that relationship i had issues although i was living in haram relationship my niyat was to do nikah but i was scared as i have issue with trust he has never really done anything but i was scared he was in love with me and used to beg me to do nikah but i had no family suporrt and i was scared. Eventually i got married 2 him after One whole year by then i think he fell out of love and he told me that it did hurt me he told me he will be faithful give me everything i need but may not be able to show he loves me as i hurt him i didn't mean to ignore him i was just upset confused lonely and my family wasn't there for me and my x husband kept black mailing me he had some pics of me with short skirt he took and was going to show i did report police but they couldn't do anything as i agreed for him to take at time anyway after marriage.
my husband would never have sex with me and when he would its always me he never kisses or hugs me never told me he loved me once never took me honeymoon or really gave me any quality time he tells me it was mistake marrying me i tried everything nice clothes make up i sat with him many times told him how i feel prayed made dua i even had a baby i dont really get no sleep or eat properly i cry everyday in front him 24/7 ring him try to communicate but he makes excuses hes tired maybe if i give him space he may fall in love again he says i disrespect him because i accuse him of cheating i dont mean 2 but he cuts me out so much what am i supose 2 think its heartbreaking he swears at me sometime he never notices me im so lonely stuck in 4 walls my husband would do anything to get away from me i cant even look after my baby properly my mums helping me as im so depressed is like no matter what i do im shut out i get thoughts sometime that i should look else where but i know its haram.
he says he does love me but he got other things on hes mind 2 be honest hes all i got and my baby and its not fair on the baby as its making me weak and im not taking care properly of her i cant even tell my mum coz shes ill and she would blame me u know asain parents. also sometimes i think maybe is coz i give him to much attention i ring him a lot and even when hes home i try to hard i don't want to sound desperate is just im deeply in love and i have hes kid i dont want him to be with me because of the baby I want him to be with me if he truly cares he even said that u love me to much i don't love u as much and doesn't realize how hurt i am ive had such a hard 3 years did so much i know every 1 different but when i look at other people i wish my husband loved me is so hard living i wish i was dead at times as i cry 247 please be honest with me and if i sound crazy then im sorry i really don't know what to do im being honest from the heart.
please comment jazakallah aslamalykum,
imanfatima
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Dear sister u will tell him about yourself....!!!u will tell him how much u love him..and remember ap 2 nafal prhny kay baad dua-ishakra kro inshlallah ka ap masla hal ho jay ga but jb dua kro ge to ap apna dyhan apny husbdand ke trf rkhna for more then contact me
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Midnight moon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
salaam
my dear sister you need to involve your parents if not then a mulana or get some islamic marriage counselling you need to both sit a need to sit and talk
yes what you did and the way you went about it was wrong do duba from your heart, do istahara and go forward
also start by strengthing your emaan learn about islaam and the quran read namaaz do ibaadit do ziker as much as possible when
i bit i do disagree with is how your husband has delt with the situation perticuraly after you had a baby as that is a time when you and the new born need alot of help and support and sister you need to get out and about i am assuming you are in the uk so go to your local community centre start a course go to baby and toddler groups at the local family centres, to get you out of that post natel deppression
allah hafiz
slaam me and my wife have problems (remainder of question deleted by Editor)
Brother, please log in and submit your question as a separate post and we will advise you in turn in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister you need to read your post yourself. From your own post you will be able to understand what the problem is.
You seem like your not giving your husband any space. Sometimes I know this is upsetting but when you show someone you care and love them like mad. People take advantage of that and as a result don't treat you the way you should be treated.
There's two things I've noted from your post:
One in your post you mentioned you sometimes want to look elsewhere but you don't because you know it will be haram.sister do you really love him? Because if you had done you wouldn't have ever thought about that.
Second you mentioned that all you have is your husband and your baby.
From these two points I'm assuming that maybe you don't actually love your husband and with him for the sake of it. And maybe to a certain degree scared of being lonely if you leave him.
I do apologise for assuming this as I am in no situation to judge and make assumptions. But sister you asked for advice and that's my opinion.
In terms of advice, lifes to short to live in misery. You have a child. You have to be strong for your child so you can bring your child up in happiness and give her a wonderful upbringing. Not many people are fortunate enough to have children. You do so don't let your husbands behaviour towards you effect your bond and upbringing of your child. Your mother shouldn't have to look after your child that is your duty.
Secondly you have a chose to leave your husband and be strong find someone who will treat you better. Its easy said then done. But that is an option for you.
Alternatively fight for your husbands love.and the key to that is trust. you will have to trust him. Stop calling him all the time. Give him space. and avoid having arguments. He's your husband and only you know how to make him fall in love with you again. If your going to cry 24/7 you have created a miserable atmosphere at home. Nobody likes that. Wake up happy and make your day go happy. If you smile I'm sure you will get a smile back from your husband. You just need to play your cards right.
when u say play cards right what do u mean what can i do