Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why can’t I conceive? Is it because I married my cousin?

Twin babies

As'salamu alaikum to my viewers. hope Al ham dullilah every one doing good.

I would like to share something and i want answer to my problem as well as console.

I am married , its 2 years of my marriage. my age is 20. i have got married to my cousin from my paternal side. My husband stays in Canada and he is a citizen and he does job there and Al ham dullilah he is a fine person. 1st year of our marriage we did not try for any child , I was not ready for a child , then slowly we both made up our mind that maybe should try for a baby. My husband visits me in year twice and he stays with for 2-4 months.

Within that time we try , i did medical checkup also thrice and Al ham dullilah everything is fine but till now i did not conceive. My in laws, every relatives makes me so so mad by asking same question "why on earth I am not conceiving ? " . i reply them by smile or just make a humor and everyone thinks i can't ever conceive. I am going mad. they are killing me with question. sometimes i cry and even told my husband. he says me to avoid it. but its not that easy.

They compare me with my other cousins. they say my life is not a life. i dont know why and everytime i visit to a place I hear ll these more than 1000 times.

I am trying for baby and as far as my family , my mom conceived soon where else my mother in law conceived late. So my question is it due to that i am not having baby soon ?

2nd question: Cos I am married to my cousin is it getting difficult for me to get baby ?

Lastly pls tell me some tips and Prayers and dua for baby.

Jazak Allahu khair.
May Allah bless all of you

~ N.P.K

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12 Responses »

  1. as salamu alaykoum

    First stop worrying and thnking about getting pregnant. You are making your body stressed out and thus hindering your chances of getting pregnant. When y'all try again, be relaxed and don't think to yourself "I hope I get pregnant, I hope I get pregnant..." Just relax mentally and physically. Second, make dua'a and ask Allah to bless you with righteous children from Ahlul Jannah insha Allah. But you must not fret nor worry about it or you'll have a hard time conceiving. I mean a women's body has to be at the right temperature, ovulating, healthy, etc... in order for conception to occur. That's why each pregnancy is a miracle in itself.

    Many ppl have married their cousins before, and it's not really recommended that we should marry from our families, but that doesn't make it impossible to conceive. I don't know if he's your 1st, 2nd or 3rd cousin, but don't worry about that. Allah is the only Creator. So rely on Him alone to help you out.

    Lastly, while making dua' a, open your duaa with saying Alhamdulillah and then send blessing and salat upon rasool Allah-salli allahu alayhi wa salam...then begin supplicating. Praise Allah first, then send salawat upon His Messenger...stay cool 'n calm....that's the most important thng. And don't let anyone be of a nuisance to you.

    In a couple of months, we should hear good news, insha allah

  2. I found a report by the U.S.'s National Institutes of Health that says there is no connection between cousin marriages and infertility:

    Does inbreeding lead to decreased human fertility?

    There is a known increase in risk of birth defects in first cousin marriages, especially if the parents are first cousins as well; but it apparently does not affect the ability to conceive.

    When you had your medical checkup, did you see a fertility specialist? Has your husband also had a checkup and sperm analysis?

    Keep in mind that stress is not conducive toward conceiving a child. Try to relax and enjoy your time with your husband. When people ask you about conceiving, remind them that it's in Allah's hands. Or avoid pushy people in the first place.

    Here are some questions and answers I found from people with similar problems: - Can't Conceive

    Wael Editor

    • Please do not marry your cousins! My parents are first cousins and I am infertile because of their choice. My only dream was to have a baby and now that dream is dead. Don't kill your future childrens' dreams.

  3. Assalamualaikum

    Here is my advice.

    1. Don't get yourself worked over the fact that you are not conceiving. If your medical checkups have not found anything then there is not much you can do except pray to Allah.

    2. Usually men have a hard time admitting that they may have a problem. So discussing this issue with your husband will have to be dealt very carefully by you. It seems that your husband is quite understanding, so if he is willing then get him checked up too.

    In your setup when you have birth control and now are trying to conceive, it often takes a bit of time. So make sure you don't let your head get filled up with this worry. A child is a gift from Allah. Maybe Allah wants to teach you this lesson.

    You are probably getting worked up because people around you are asking you this question. Women with kids subconsciously tend to feel superior to the ones who don't have kids. You need to educate yourself with the power of Allah, the story of Zakrya AS and Isa AS and Musa AS. Prepare a short lecture and as soon as some person asks you this question, politely give this well prepared lecture as your answer with the Moral that asking such questions is useless. Pretty soon most of them will not ask this question.

    Besides, women with kids tend to have little to talk to with women who don't have kids, so the first question that comes to them is about when are you going to be a mom etc. So it is advisable to have some topics to distract them from discussing your motherhood predicament.


  4. Assalaamualaikam,

    There's no proof of any link between marriage to a first cousin and problems conceiving. There are other medical issues to consider, such as the increased risk of birth defects, but these also should not affect conceiving.

    In general circumstances, a doctor would expect 70-80% of couples (who are "normal" in terms of fertility) to conceive within a year of starting to try for a baby. But, "trying for a baby" in these terms refers to regular intercourse, every few days. If you and your husband have only been able to try at that frequency for 6 out of the 12 months, the fact that you haven't conceived yet isn't necessarily cause for concern.

    It may be worth having your husband get a fertility check-up as well, to identify any potential problems, and many women who are trying to conceive find it useful to keep track of their cycle, so that they can be more aware of when the best times to try to conceive are - your doctor would be able to give you more information about this.

    Above all, relax! You're young, healthy, and have lots of opportunities. Try to distract yourself from negative comments by reminding yourself of all the positive things in your life, and the blessings you have been given from Allah. If you are feeling overwhelmed by negativity and judgmental attitudes in this Dunya, step back from them and focus on your relationship with Allah, through prayer, reading Quran, making Dua, and learning about His Prophet (peace be upon him).

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. Salaama aleykum my dear Sis in Islam. I just wanted to let you know I am also married to my cousin and I didn't conceive until the third year of our marriage. Alhamduliaah now we have a child and it has been almost 7 years since our wedding and we are expecting our second child very soon. Insha Allah this Du'a helps when you read in sujud because you are closest to Allah at that moment here is how it goes the Du'a. Rabi Hablii Min La Dunka Duriyatan Dhayibatan Inaka Anta Sami'ul Du'aa. Insha Allah may Allah bless you with righteous children Ameen. My kids are three years a part so just know every child comes to the world when Allah wills so.

  6. No is not because you marry your cousin, that you can't have a baby I have never heard a think like this. Both if my sisters/ friends are married to there 1st cousins marsallah they have alot of kids. So sweetie everything is in Allah hands just pray and be thankful to Allah that you have a good husband.

  7. It is all completely up to Allah when you can have a baby. It has nothing to do with you marrying your cousin. Do not give up hope and when people ask you why you are not conceiving just remind them of Allah and how it is His decision on whether you will have a child or not. Do not let it stress you out. It is common for traditional parents/family to do this.

    When you are single they pressure you to get married, when you are married they pressure you to get pregnant but sister it is not like that. Everything will happen when it is time for it to happen and if Allah wills it. Just relax, keep trying and keep asking Allah to help you and pray Tahajjud early in the morning before fajr prayers. I give dua for you that Allah will bless you with righteous children who will not give you any pain and be obedient to our Creator. Ameen.


  8. Rahil (Rachel) wife of Prophet Yaqoob( Jacob) (‘alaihim al-Salām) was unable to become a
    mother for a long time. However, Allah opened her womb and she was blessed with Prophet
    Yusuf (Joseph) (‘alaihim al-Salām) and Prophet Ben-ya-meen (Benjamin) (‘alaihim al-Salām)

    Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) (‘alaihim al-Salām) was 100 years old while his wife Sarah was no
    less than 90 year old when they were blessed with Prophet Isaac (‘alaihim al-Salām)

    Prophet Dawood (David) (‘alaihim al-Salām) was also not able to become a father. However, he
    fasted and Allah blessed him with many children.

    The mother of all miracles is when Allah blessed Virgin Maryam (Mary) with Prophet Isa
    (Jesus) (‘alaihim al-Salām) when no man had ever touched her.

    There are times when couples who have been deemed “hopelessly infertile” do conceive children
    unexpectedly. That is truly a miracle, and it does happen. I personally knew a couple where the
    man had testicular cancer and after his radiation treatment he was” shooting blanks”, and was
    told he could never produce a viable sperm again. On top of that, his wife struggled with PCOS.
    They weren’t even trying anymore, and they got pregnant and were blessed with a child.

    He creates what He wills [and plans]. He bestows [children] male or female according to His
    Will [and Plan],Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for
    He is full of Knowledge and Power.(Al-Shuara, 42-49,50)

    Thus, do not despair of Allah’s mercy. The below mentioned du’aas were recited by Prophet
    Zakariya (‘alaihim al-Salām). After which he was blessed with Prophet Yahya (John The Baptist)
    (‘alaihim al-Salām).
    رَ  ب لاَ تَذَرْنِى فَرْداً وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ ٱلْوَارِثِينَ
    Rabbi Lā Tadharnī Fardāan Wa 'Anta Khayru Al-Wārithīna.
    "O my Lord! leave me not without offspring, though thou art the best of inheritors."(Al-Anbiya,

    رَ  ب هَبْ لِى مِنْ لدُنْكَ ذُريةً طَيبَةً إِنكَ سَمِيعُ ٱل  دعَآءِ
    Rabbi Hab Lī Min Ladunka Dhurrīyatan Ţayyibatan 'Innaka Samī`u Ad-Du`ā'i.
    "O my Lord! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure: for Thou art He that heareth
    Prayer!” (Al-Imran, 3:38)
    The below mentioned dua was recited by Prophet Ibrahim (‘alaihim al-Salām).
    رَ  ب هَبْ لِى مِنَ ٱل  صالِحِينِ

    Rabbi Hab Lī Mina As-Sāliĥīna.
    "O my Lord! Grant me a righteous [son]!"(Al-Saffat, 37-100)

    • Salam brother Farrukh.

      I did not know that Prophet Yusuf (AS)'s brother - Benyamin (Benjamin) was a Prophet too...

  9. Dear sister do not worry,and try to be patient with your relatives they are just overly anxious and excited for you to have your own children. Let me tell you that firstly you have not been trying for very long your husband is away and makes it more difficult to conceive in a small window of time.for best chances you need to try for a baby between the 14 th and 16 th day of your monthly cycle,you should start counting every month to find out how many days your cycle is most women are between 28 to 30 days. Then you should start trying about 11 to 13th day of you cycle.because it takes a couple of days for the sperm to travel to the egg to fertilize it and you optimally want it to arrive during your ovulation time,when counting day one is the first day of you period.hoe you find this helpful,inshallah you will have a baby in your arms in the very near future!

  10. Asalamualaikum sister i pray your in the best of health, wealth and imaan Ameen, Patience & prayer sister In shaa Allah ALLAH Ta'ala will bless you with a child. Let me share you my story me and my sister both married our cousins both brothers my sister got married in 2004 and fell pregnant after a couple of months and then again 2 years later, as for me i got married in 2005 and still have no children...
    I fell pregnant finally last year after 6 and half years but had a miscarriage.
    I am still trying since last year. So the whole cousin thing is not true!
    Look at me and my sister!, my nephews are Ma shaa Allah 5 and 7! and i have none.
    It's all up to Allah Ta'ala when ever he wants you to have a baby In shaa Allah it will happen.
    People talk whether you do good/bad, happy/sad, baby/no baby let them.
    As your hubby said just ignore them.
    Look at me 8 years now and trust me people gossip and ask me all the time but my answer "when ever Allah wills it will happen in this life or next"
    In shaa Allah may ALLAH Ta'ala bless all us sisters who are trying to get pregnant with beautiful, pious and healthy children and May Allah Ta'ala give us all a good and happy life in this life and the next Ameen xxx

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