I’m 18 and had an abortion
Abortion Recovery
Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, I am 18 years old.
We ended up having sexual intercourse and I got pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant, then I found out I was 15 weeks pregnant. So our only choice was to abort the baby because of my family and dignity of my parents.
I know I would have been kicked out my house, and I am not financially stable and do not want to live in a care home.
I really wanted to keep this baby but I just didnt have no choice (so I aborted it).
Now I wish I had my baby still in me.
What are my punishments for killing a baby and how can I repent? please help.
- Zkha
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sallam
you know fornication and abortion are a sin so im not going to lecture you on it!, repentance is important and i feel that i am not as scholarly to infor you correctly and i will leav it for the rest of the forum inshallah they will guid you better about islam!
I am however a doctor. when you pregnant your hormones change, when you have an abortion, you feel guilty, your hormones are still altered and you feel a huge depression. A womans body is made to give birth and killing your child is going against biology so going through an abortion is a highly traumatic and emotionally destructive thing to go through. also your prolly scared to death incase someone finds out and this is adding to your emotional issues!
the psychological issues you are going through are temporary! you went through a trauma even though you made a decidion yourself the experiance is traumatic. but you need to deal with it in a healthy way! its easy to go on a destructive path and you feel like you need to punish yourself however God is the one that punishes and it is not your job to punish yourself.
right now focus on trying to be healthy! dont eat lots of food for support! dones drink or do drugs to make the pain go away! dont share this with people you know they will only judge and condem it! hide your sin! i would end the relationship with the boyfreind! its easier to get over what you went through if your dont have a constant reminder infrot of you! you need to get over what happend and move on with your life! pray ask God for forgiveness, heal physically and emotionally! prayer, fast, zakaat all help! rhamadhan is comin up focus on that and try to divert your attention from everything wordly and focus on you and your relationship with God
you need serious counselling. there are many forum for women going through abortions. try afterabortion.org, it may make things easy for you inshallah!
sorry if i rambeled on, not feeling so great today but inshallah you find peace and get on the right path
Allah hafiz
I Know this is not a place to write a question but I read your comment and I found out that you are a doctor I have been wanting to ask a question to a doctor but have been to scared to see one because of my parents. I was in a relationship with my boyf elhamdallah we did not have sexual intercourse and I am repenting for my mistake , however he did finger me. I have heard you can get pregant from this and have been extremly worried I feel like I have all the symtoms but I could be scaring myself is this possible
thank you so much for your time
and once again I sorry that I am asking a question as a comment but I need help
Allah Hafiz
sallam
the only way you could possible get pregnant from fingering is if he had sperm on his hands. or fingers, which could be possible if he masterbated himself ejectulated amd used his dirty hands to touch you.
if your worried about pregnancy get a blood test done, its your safest bet to finding out what has happened.
however if you have missed your menstrual cycle there can be many causes not just pregnancy.
causes of missed periods
1. stress and anxiety
2. dieting, not eating properly, anorexia
3. secondary amenorrhea, polycystic ovrian syndrom, other hormonal problems
4. any chrnonic illness which causes stress on the body
however most common is stress anxiest and dieting. so if missed periods is the issue which makes you think your pregnant i would not worry to much and focus on relaxing! but if your really concerned to put your mind at ease take a pregnancy test
if nausea and vomiting is your issues, then alot of things can causes thay, may just be viral, bacterial, diabetes, etc i can list hundreds
if there is any specific symptoms your are worried contact your GP, they cannot tell your family, its stricktly confidential!
hope this helps
Allah hafiz
thank you so much i cannot tell you how worried I have been I dont think there was anything on his finger , I think i over reacting and will give my self a heart attack stupid teenage mistake and it will never happen again I just ALLAH forgives me and does not give me a child at this age
one again thank you so much
inshallah everything will be fine just focus on being a good muslim and God makes things easy
Allah hafiz
Assalamu alaikkum.
I feel very bad and guilty to talk about my situation. I am in a relationship where we both love each other and want to marry in sha allah in halal way . but recently i was fingered and i repented a lot and i feel bad. may Allaah forgive mine and his sins Ameen . but since you're a doctor and also want to know about this and can't ask others. can i be pregnant ? i'm getting symptoms like , vomiting ( twice) , mood swings.
Salam.
i am really worried about my pregnancy.And i want to talk to a doctor,my boyfriend finger me 3 years ago and now i feel like i am pregnant.
Please tell me having fingering 3 years ago pregnancy is possible?
Reply please.
No sister, you cannot get pregnant from being fingered. And if you did get pregnant, it would happen within days, not three years later. You really need to educate yourself about the reproductive system and how it works. This is basic biology. Read this for example:
How the female reproductive system works
Remember that these kinds of activities with a boy are haram. We do not do these things in Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salamualaikum,
My sister, are you not feeling the guilt for the sin?
Did you just think about the dignity of your family and not the Anger of the Rabb?
Are you not afraid of His Punishment in the Hereafter?
The way you ask 'what are my punishments' makes it seem like a light issue. This is not the case. You had no right to kill that poor soul and you have killed it.
Firstly, you committed Zina, which is one of the major sins. Islam has a prescribed punishment of being flogged100 times for this sin.
Secondly, you killed a baby, who you had no right to kill. You should have thought about the consequenses, before you did Zina.
You have also betrayed the trust of your parents.
Now what? There is no sin that remains, if Allah wishes to forgive. So, you have to beg Allah to forgive you for such huge sins.
You need to fear His Punishment and do sincere Tawbah, which involves staying away from the boy you committed Zina with, and doing duas day and night, so that Allah forgives you.
Allah forgives any sin, if sincere Tawbah is done. But it is solely at His discretion. Nothing is in anyone's hand.
Cut all contact with that boy and concentrate on your Deen. Seek Allah's forgiveness day and night.
May Allah forgive you and all the Muslims who do Tawbah
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sallam brother
i compleatly agree with you, however someone in a fragile state of mind isnt at liberty to think about these things yet. ive known women get into depression after abortions and comitt suicide! so we must be genitl with our comments!
she should try and be normal, healthy and stabalise herself and then really make an effort towards her deen! thats why i sugessted she focuses on ramzaan coming up!
all your points are compleaty correct and i agree with them but the apooach to this sister should be delicate and with caution as she has reached out for help and required suport and help to become a better muslimah!
being poitive and showing how islam can save her and help her is the way in this case. i wish i could be more helpful as i am not knowladgebale enough to confidently qute the quran and i fear i may misquote and i do not wish to do that or give wrong advice!
Allah hafiz
Sister (brokenbrain),
Alhamdulillah, I agree with you. But sometimes being tough becomes important, so that people realize their position and realize their sin.
I intend the same. The poster (Zkha) is my sister in Islam and I just used this tone, so that I could bring my sister back to the Deen, so that Allah is Pleased with her, and me too.
And you're right, she should prepare well for the Ramadan and make the best use of it. Allah will insha Allah forgive her.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sallam
brother i compleatly agree with you, inshallah rhamadhan will be sucefful for her and everyone in this forum inshallah!!
Allah hafiz
Sallam,doctor i have got married last year feb.my husband was with me for two and half month.and returned to saudi.then i reached saudi in jan 26,2012.we are awaiting for a child. I'm here nearly for 6 months. I consulted a doctor she advised me to be free for a year. But my family members were eagerly waiting for the news.i cant answer them for their questions. Ask dua for me. And give me some suggestion.
asalamu alaikum doctor iam waiting for ur reply .eid mubaarak
Yes but read her last sentence; she feels bad about it and wish she still has the baby in her and she is asking how to repent. so means she is afraid of God punishment. If she didnt feel guilty she would post here her experience and neither ask help on how to repent. she would have.moved on long time ago.
What advice do u need? Intentionally committing sin ( sin doesnt mean intentional mistake ) and asking for repentance?!! You people have surely forsaken the punishment and effects of sin indeed.I am sorry for being harsh but its the truth
Salaam sister.
Both zina and abortion are major sins which cannot be taken lightly! But no sin, no matter how huge is greater than the mercy of Allah (swt). Dont delay your repentance. Ensure you fulfill all the conditions of repentance as well (they are shown below.)
Because this is a serious matter, there have to be conditions attached. The scholars mentioned the conditions of repentance, based on aayahs from the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth. There follows a list of some of them:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.
So leave your boyfriend and cut contact with him - as hard as it is - it is essential. If you want to marry one another go through the proper channels (via him proposing via family). I know you may worry that family will reject him, but if they do then you guys have no future together anyway. Do you really want to be in a haraam relationship which doesnt even go anywhere in the end?!
It is a sin regardless. Anyway turn to Allah swt - start praying your fardh if you dont already. Read Quran and make dua in the night. Beg Him for forgiveness and InshaAllah He will forgive you.
Please read these links:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
http://islamicsunrays.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw5eZ7H-5bk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mashallah nice reply for the sister. she is 18 years and she must be really lost with her guilt and her future life as muslims. inshallah your answer will be good guidance
Salaams,
I just want to point out something that others above seemed to have overlooked. You DID have a choice about the abortion. Part of accepting the consequences of your actions, and cultivating the right niyat for your repentence, is to realize that it was a choice you made, and you made it on your own without anyone forcing you.
You could've chosen not to have the abortion, and to face your family finding out you were pregnant, losing your dignity and reputation, and whatever else might've happened. You chose to forgo those consequences, thinking having an abortion would be without consequences of its own. As you've experienced, there are a lot of emotional consequences to abortion.
The fact is, you haven't really avoided anything, but you've only lost more. By making the choice you did, you still lost your dignity. If your family was ever to find out, they would still think poorly of what you did. Now on top of that, you have to work through the emotions that have come from putting your body through a type of trauma.
In addition to all of what was advised above about repenting, start accepting the choice you made, and stop telling yourself that you had no choice. In order to successfully move from this place, you have to see it as accurately as possible, and that would be one of the biggest ways to do so.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I would like to say that I have been through what this girl has gone through myself. It is not a easy decision to make, you feel mixed emotions and are very scared. It is easy to say you had a choice, but if I told my family at the time yes they would have been upset with me and would have made me get married to the guy I was seeing. That would have been ideal if the guy agreed to marriage but he didn't. So I would have been a single mum with no support no money , suffering from depression and would be in an unfit state to look after the baby, especially if I had to move out.We know what we have done is wrong and feel the guilt everyday. So unless you have been in the situation yourself to understand what goes through your mind you should not be so harsh. As Muslims we should support one another even when Simone has done wrong and not lecture each other, as not everyone has the same levels of knowledge due to many factors. At least the girl has turned to Islam for help and is thinking about the hereafter which shows that she is feeling guilty and wants to repent.
I think it's wrong to tell anyone that they have lost their dignity and self respect. Because people can lose hope in trying to become better people.We are nobody to be judging anyone as I bet you all have commit sins wether big or small. Allah (swt) knows what is in every body's head and heart and only he will be able to punish us for our wrong doing. People talk about facing the consequences of our actions but what you don't understand is that we will all face them in out graves and have to live with what we have done for the rest if out life's.There would have been consequences either way wether the baby was kept and not kept. And apparently after four months of pregnancy the foetus has a soul and it is classed as murder however before this it is not classed as murder. But it is still a big sin.
So please do not be harsh to people in difficult situations, help and support them as harsh comments are not what people are looking for.
Hi, thank you everyone for giving me advice and help. I still regret aborting my baby. I am repenting by making duas and crying to Allah, because i am not in a state to pray due to bleeding.
And ramadan is very close and i am prepared to do as much as i can and ask for forgiveness. I feel so so guilty i still wish i never made that decision, i didnt want to leave my family because i know i will end up in care home with a baby on the way.
I didnt break up with my boyfriend he actually has been helping me and also making dua for our baby. We are planning to get our nikah done with permission from our parents Inshallah.
Everyday i always think im going to go to hell for what ive done, so i hope Allah has mercy upon me. Plz make duaa for me, Jazakallah i have recovered from the pain after abortion, but the pain in my heart and mind will never go. And replying back to one of your comments, my mum did suspect me of being pregnant and she said to get rid of the baby so if they found out they would tell me to get rid of.
I think one thing we must all remember is that, yes, there is no doubt that what the sister did is a great sin, zina and murder are too of the much greater sins. But like mentioned above, If your repentance is genuine and you feel sincerely sorry for what you did and your intention for repentance is genuine, then you must also remember, that Allaah SWT is oft forgiving, and if it is the Wish of Allaah SWT, He will forgive you. Taking the steps you have already taken by asking questions on this site, shows your guilt but you have to portray your guild much more deeply to Allaah.
Ms Muslimah
Can we marry any1 else if we hve gone throw abortion..
salaam. skha. my names zaraa.
I got married on 4 yrs ago " just the nikka" . i got pregnant he hide the abortion pills on my drink. i had 9 abortion. " thinking is miscarage" just tthe last abortion i find out and he said he already have another wife and not ready yet!! .
sis losing a baby it hurt alot alot. plzx
my advice would be
1 come back to allah ask forgiveness
2 let him go and look the truth.
rebuild ur life with some one new.
hide the sins. remember.
I told you: Many people hurt me
You said: ‘So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them’ (3:159)
I told you: I feel I’m alone
You said: ‘We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein’ (50:16)
I told you: My sins are so many
You said: ‘And who can forgive sins except Allah?’ (3:135)
I told you: Do not leave me
You said: ‘So remember Me; I will remember you…’ (2:152)
I told you: I’m facing a lot of difficulties in life
You said: ‘And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out’ (65:2)
I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true
You said: ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ (40:60)
Subhan Allah
salam
sorry for this i m writing this in comment..actually i want to ask u about abortion..i already have 4 children and now i m again pragnent.i also have asthma...if i do abortion ?do it will cause a big sin......my husband and i don't want the 5 baby......and these days i m too depressed........ thanks nd waiting for yr reply soon"!!!!!!!!!!!
Ofcourse sister it's a big sin. Asthma is not an excuse many women have asthma and having baby normally it's Allah's blessing. And if you both do not want child then you should have been careful and take protection. Think how lucky you are Allah blessed with you another child some people dying to have children on their own but not able to.
Sister do not separate that innocent who is breathing in your womb and dependent on you.
Assalaamualaikam
I'm sorry to hear that you and your family do not feel you want this baby. If you are considering abortion, you need to think carefully about why you are thinking this would be an option.
If your life would be in danger from carrying the baby to term, abortion (as far as I am aware) would be permissable, but in other circumstances it would be considered a sin, as it is ending a life. You mention that you have asthma - if this is why you are considering terminating your pregnancy, you need to discuss this with your doctor. Asthma can occur in many different levels of severity, and it's important to ensure that you have the best management of your condition that is possible. If your asthma is well controlled, the risk of pregnancy affecting it is significantly reduced.
If you are considering abortion because you and your husband do not feel you can support another child, have faith in Allah that provision will be made, and consider how you could re-organise your finances. If you are in need of help, there are many organisations and charities that can help with financial or practical support.
If the reason is that you simply do not want another child, and that you are adamant about this even after giving yourselves time to consider, there are alternatives to abortion, such as adoption. Hundreds of couples every year find out that they cannot have children, and desperately want a family, so if you are firmly set on not raising this child, adoption would give the child a chance to live and a childless couple the chance of a family.
Before making any decision, I urge you to discuss your thoughts and feelings with your family and your doctor/nurse, and to ask Allah for his guidance and aid.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
subhanAllah, May Allah forgive me also.
Hi there. im 21 year old girl and was pregnant and i did arbotion either few weeks ago even though i know it's a sin so last saturday i masterbated and now it feels like im pregnant again, is that possible??? im so depressed last night i even tried to commit suicide but hey i didn't die so can you please help me out please...
Precious, you cannot get pregnant from masturbation. It's natural to be depressed after an abortion, and to feel a sense of loss or sadness. Suicide is not the answer so please do not try that again. Please log in and write a separate post. Tell us about your situation in more detail. I'll move your post to the front of the queue Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks for commenting on my question.... It's just that kinda feel the same symptoms i had when i was pregnant like pains on my waist, my vigina sore and very hot and also my breast sore so im kinda confused. Can you please tell me is it wrong to feel that way when your not pregnant ?
It might be STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), go get a medical check up.
Go to your Dr! It could be STDs, it could also be natural monthly hormonal changes which can cause things like itchy breasts, hot flushes and changes in the balance in the vagina. But it could be lots of things, and there is no way to tell unless you see your GP. No one here is qualified to give you a diagnosis. I used to work for NHS so what I can tell you:
If you haven't had sex then you can't be pregnant, it is as simple as that. (We all know that.) But if you are worried do a pregnancy test to ease your mind. The Dr may ask you to take one if it's standard policy (women of child bearing age - regardless of whether they've had sex or not.)
If you have had sex before then do a pregnangy test anyway.
And see your Dr regardless. If this is not your post, then please log in and submit your question as a seperate post.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
So does that mean im not pregnant again ? and how bad is the STDs ?
Hy again... Guys as you have told me to consult my dr, i couldn't coz i had no money at that moment but i did a pregnancy test so im confused coz the 1st red line was faint and the 2nd red line was dark while the instruction of a pregnancy test says " 1 red line not pregnant, 2 red lines pregnant" but it didn't specify about the faint line and in the instruction i see 2 dark red lines...and i still have the very same symptoms like 'tender breasts and they are also enlarging and back pains again but my vagina isn't hot and sore anymore.... so guys can u plz explain to me clearly coz the last time i talked to u i told u i masterbated and u said it's highly impossible to get pregnant through masterbation.......plz help me out
my urine also is very very dark and that i know it's not normal i don't know why this is happening to me....when i pee on a bottle the urine is like some sort of a strong tea.... i would say it's because i drink tea alot but no i don't like tea i only drink it on winter.....so plz guys plz help me out here im going mad
Assalaamualaikam,
Medically, it is impossible to become pregnant if you have not had contact with a man's semen. If you have masturbated by yourself, rather than with a partner, it is not possible for you to become pregnant from this, as there cannot have been fertilisation of an egg by sperm.
If you had an abortion recently, your hormone levels will still be elevated, although they will fall back to normal levels soon. Pregnancy tests work by checking the urine for a hormone called hCG which is produced in high levels when you are pregnant. There is a delay in the body getting rid of all the hormones, so it is possible to have positive pregnancy tests in a brief period after abortion or miscarriage. This does not mean you are pregnant again.
Psychologically, your mind and body are recovering from an immensely traumatic experience, and women in that situation often feel that they still could be pregnant, or have symptoms of pregnancy such as breast tenderness. This is a normal part of adjusting to what has happened.
If you are having symptoms affecting your genitals and urine, there is a chance you could have picked up a sexually transmitted disease due to having sexual contact with another person - especially if this was unprotected. While some of these diseases are easily treated with medication, some are more serious and can, for example, affect future fertility. It is therefore very important that you get checked out for this. If you cannot afford to go to a doctor, there should be a women's health project or GUM clinic in your area - these are free, and confidential.
Suicide is never the answer to these problems, as it compounds our sins with a sin for which we will not have an opportunity in this life to repent. If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself, you need to seek urgent help from your local hospital and from your family.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
AOA...../ i just want tooo knw somethng that DOES ALLAH forgive great sins also like zina murder??????
maha, Allah forgives every sin if one repents sincerely, but of course certain crimes also carry legal penalties in the dunya. I don't know what you mean by "zina murder". Zinaa and murder are separate things.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualikum,
I m 25 married since 3 yrs.Actually I got married without my parents permission .Me and my husband had relationship before marriage but ofcourse not sexual we were so guilty of about relationship chose to get married and informed our parents , our parents accepted our marriage but forced to live separately by creating an emotional turmoil and now I am pregnant. What should I do now
seema, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. And please add more details and clarify the question.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamualikum
I am 21 year old women i have commuieted zina and i reget it so badly for what i have done buh now am pregent and am no long with my bf any more however i gave told my mum i am pregent she told me to get rid of it as she don't what no asham to the family but and i don't what to get any more sin please someone help me as i don't no what to do am so lost
jay, you should not abort your child. If you cannot care for the child then you can give it to a relative to raise, or even give it up for adoption. Do not compound your mistake with another.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
okii thank you for your feed back
I too will be going through an abortion. There is no way I can take care of my child & have already begun repenting. I can't afford it, I can't even drive, I'm not finished my college & my mother will have a heart attack. Luckily, the guy I'm with has been supportive and non judgmental. Yet, I'm already feeling afraid, stressed and guilty. I will take my justice before Allah but I'm repenting & always seeking his protection and help because he is a loving God. The way some people on this forum are talking is very harsh. It's a scary & difficult thing we are going through. Allah knows its not the first time I have made a mistake, this is though my first & last abortion. Unfortunately, the only way I learn anything is through the hard way & still always remember allah constantly like every 20-30 mins. I am with my sister, Zkha. Stay strong & Allah is all forgiving and loving just be genuine with ur feelings.
Sister, there is no such thing as repenting before you commit a sin. That is a false repentance. If you were sincere you would not commit the sin in the first place. Do not compound a serious sin with an even worse one. Have the child and give it to one of your relatives to raise, or at least give it up for adoption. Why should the child pay with his/her life for your mistake?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I know, I wish it was that easy. I'm not yet sure what to do but have been praying and already asking for forgiveness as allah is the most loving & forgiving. I can't afford the child & the father has ADHD and other Heath problems I don't want the child to have. The first 120 days is okay for abortion according I think the Hanafa school of thought. It is a difficult time for me.
I don't mean to be judgmental I can understand that it must be a huge and difficult decision, but if you are already aware that your boyfriend has adhd and other health issues that you don't want to risk your children having, then why are you with him ?? I'm confused.
Healthy people give birth to children with health problems and unhealthy people give birth to healthy children--you really don't know what will happen in terms of the child's health. If this is the reason to terminate the pregnancy, it is a non-issue or perhaps you are using this reason to rationalize your decision.
I hope you give this another thought and keep the baby, inn shaa Allah.
There is no proof that ADHD is genetically transmitted. Some doctors don't even believe it is a real syndrome. Besides, the father could be completely healthy and the child could have problems anyway. Such things are determined by Allah. It's better to have the child and give it away if necessary.
Some mistakes we make in life are fixable. We can recover and go on as if nothing happened. But getting pregnant is not one of those. It has lasting consequences. You can't just get rid of it and think you are free and clear. There are serious spiritual and emotional consequences to aborting a child.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sarah,
We are not judging you as we are all human. We make mistakes. I am actually sad when I see what you wrote as you do not have resources and support to help you to make a better choice. I don't know how strong will be the chance that you will change your decision after hearing all this advice. As a woman, I know it is scary and it is shameful. It will be a stigma for yourself and your family. (Time will pass and noone even can remember if you are worried about the gossip of people.) I don't know where do you reside and if you have exhausted all methods before coming to the decision of abortion
There are some facilities that allow the girls to stay until they give birth. After that they can choose to give it to adoption or raise the baby on their own. The baby soul is innocent, I beg you to give he/she a chance.
Your "boyfriend" should take the same burden as you are, both should sit down with your parents to settle this whole abortion idea. If he is so supportive for abortion, why didn't he have the courage to marry you? Think about it. Is this the kind of person you should still stay with?
I don't doubt your repentance, but here is your chance to do it right. As a mother, I will admit that I will be disappointed if my daughter get pregnant at this age but I will encourage my daughter to deliver the baby. It is because the baby has no fault. In fact, the whole process of bearing the baby is a repentance process. Allah will take you to see a way out and it may even change your life. Unfortunately, some people will keep choosing abortion as a way out because it "solves" the problem right away. Some may even fall again having casual relationship after a year or so. (Inshallah, I will really want to establish a facility to help those young women like you, I think the muslim community needs to address the problem sooner.)
Sarah, talk to your mother, talk to his mother. You will get shouted at or maybe disown. However, this is your responsibility to speak up and stand up for the unborn soul. Try your best before you make this decision. I know it is hard and scary for a young woman to face. Inshallah, you are stronger than what you think, you can do it. Do not justify your action with those "ADHD, unhealthy father" reasons. May Allah be with you.
Thank you for ur advice, u seem to be less judgemental & nice. What about the fact that the baby does not have a soul until 4mths in (120 days)? Asides from health reasons I'm not in the best economic position either.
Dear Sarah,
I am glad that Sr. K took a moment to give you a gentle and kind response. I was in a hurry and regret that it made you feel bad, but I also hoped that you wouldn't make a decision based on illnesses (which isn't even true either). I think we can agree that the reason you are considering abortion is because of financial reasons, mostly.
Sarah, please don't end this baby's life. It won't solve anything and you will be left with a crater in your soul that you will never be able to fill, not even with money when you have it. The things that this child needs, you already possess.
I can see that you are easily hurt, don't want to be judged and you are very vulnerable right now. I can sense the delicate situation you are in, but let me ask you to analyze that vulnerability and convince you that dear Sister, your child is in an even more vulnerable situation than you. Here, you could voice that Sr. K was less judgemental and is nice, but your child, they have no voice of their own--except for you.
Sit down and take a moment to look at the worse that it could be and face your fears. Then, ask Allah swt to help you and to carry your burden as you go through this very difficult task that not a single person will envy you for. What has happened, has happened and you can seek repentance for that as you sincerely move towards changing yourself. Stop worrying about those that are judgemental, even if it appeared to me, and focus on yourself. Create a protective bubble for yourself and understand that this baby is 100% relying on you. You are this baby's voice and protector right now. Such a great responsibility. Please do not rationalize ending this pregnancy, even though you are scared and vulnerable.
Seek support around you and forget those that hurt you. Ending this baby's life will not give you peace and it will not be just. May Allah swt ease your pain, help you to find support and give you strength, wisdom, patience, and health, Ameen.
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, I know that you will be feeling frightened and alone, but abortion isn't the answer. Afterwards, you would still feel frightened and alone, but on top of that you would know that you had acted to end a life.
Even if you look at your life now and believe that you couldn't possibly bring up a child, that doesn't mean that abortion is the only answer. Sometimes, people can do what they can't imagine themselves capable of doing, by placing their trust in Allah and gaining strength by following His guidance. There are also options such as having a relative care for the child, or adoption - there are many sisters and brothers who would dearly love a child but cannot have their own, so your child would, inshaAllah, be very much wanted and loved.
Health conditions such as ADHD aren't necessarily inherited from parents, and even if your child were to have them, that wouldn't mean they couldn't have a happy and successful life. With the right support and treatment (talking therapies, counsellors, even medication), a person with ADHD can do pretty much anything that they would be able to do without it.
I strongly urge you, our sister, to stay strong for your unborn child. They are part of the Ummah and part of your family. The life inside you only has you to rely on, to protect them. Pray to Allah and trust that He will grant you the strength to do this.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Dear Sarah,
I do heard of this argument before. However, there are some "conditions" follow on why this method is chosen. At least, for myself, I do believe the soul is there once the baby is conceived. Again, I know it is a hard choice for you.
Can you tell us where do you live as the other readers can contribute here to let you know about the available resources that you may possible get. Can you talk to your/his parents? Can you make a few phone calls in the non-profit organizations? / social services? Some Catholic organization may give you a few hints to where you can get help.
Regarding financial status, if you choose for people to adopt your baby, you may not to worry too much. If you choose to raise up by yourself, you need a strong support from your parents.
Here, I want to share a story, a true story with you. My previous neighbor is a very devoted Catholic family and their daughter is a all As student. She appeared to everyone that she was a sweet, decent and diligent student. Never came across people mind that she would get pregnant at age of 16. Yes, people talk. This loving family stood behind the girl and let her deliver the baby. She went back to school and turn to a completely different person. She worked even harder and focused on what she wanted to achieve. She devoted to her religion by going to the Church and charity work as usual. (I did not know how much pain and tears she shed for this. But I could tell she was so regretted for what she did.) She now holds a Phd and works in one of the top notch company. This little couple got engaged after the baby was born and married. Since they were too young, they both lived with their parents separately. She told me she was glad she made the right choice to keep the baby. (I gave the credit for the loving and caring family. This tremendous change has a big impact to the girl. For the boy, he just finished his high school and get on a job to support this little family.)
Life is hard, the road will not be easy. Again, can you family help you? I think at least you should give a thought of giving the baby for adoption. Pray for it, Sarah. Here's my favorite dua for you: o Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, muiserliness nad cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men. Amen.
Thank you guys for ur advice, I live in London, Ont (Canada). There is no way I would be able to give the baby up for adoption. My family is already in poverty & will not pull them down further. It is my responsibility soley (as I have no siblings) to push us up. Not only financially I wouldn't be able to have the child but mentally I'm just not at all ready for motherhood & it's responsibilities which is not fair to the baby. Sr. K I am greatful for ur dua and story & have taken it to heart. You have made me feel better as I have been guilt ridden & depressed. This time in life has been the hardest for me & only have myself to blame. Yet, I have remebered to turn to Allah when many dont or choose to blame him. I hope everyone here knows Allah forgives all sins except shirk (idol worship) as along as you are sincere and don't repeat it. I continue to pray & make dua, I will take whatever justice Allah gives me. Once again, thank you everyone & will keep you guys in mind in my prayers since I had no one to turn except this forum which I'm glad I found.
"O my servants who have transgressed against their own souls despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed , Allah forgives all sins. Truly, he is most forgiving, most merciful." (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)
Zkha, I need to ask you a few questions relating your topic. Can you please tell me some way to contact you?
We do not allow the exchange of private contact information. Anything you need to ask can be asked here, in this forum.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mari sister ka baby ho gya han kse trha say aur buht worried han kse ko bta nahi skty koi qurani ayat bta jo ma perh kay btao us ka baby abortion ho jain takrebn 6 mnth ho gain pahly pata nahi laga ab pata laga han...koi asa wazifa btain jis sy wo andar khtm ho jain please
English please.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It was rather difficult to understand what you have written, but if your sister is 6 months pregnant, there is no way to simply pray a wazifa to end the pregnancy--there are NO Quran verses to read to end the pregnancy--people who claim to be able to do these things are misled--in fact, she cannot have an abortion at this point and should not consider it ether. If your sister wants to end the pregnancy because she is not married, I'm afraid it is too late to consider that and she may very well have to face the consequences, as difficult as they may be.
The both of you should talk to your mother--I pray for the well-being of your sister and the unborn child.
salam I am married shadi...
Wa alaykum as-salam. I removed the rest of your comment. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, in English, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
mujy nhi English ati 🙁
I am a 22 year old man...
As-salamu alaykum brother. I submitted your question as a separate post, and it will be published in turn, Insha'Allah. There's a wait of more than a month right now, so be patient please.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Brother I have this request for you not the post the above post of mine.I realized my mistake that Sins are supposed to be concealed even thought my intention was only to get peace of mind and advice as my problem was killing me.I hope you will not post my question now
Yes, sins are supposed to be concealed and that's why this website is anonymous. We do not know your identity, so you are not revealing your sins in reality. As you said, it's only to get peace of mind and advice. There is nothing wrong with that.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam,
I find out I'm pregnant. I miss my period this month. I fear my parent my reputation I don't want to give birth this child. I think it's 4 weeks right now . I am so stressed. I know I will repent a lot if I do an abortion but I have no way out.
Please advise me what can be the best solution