Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Arranged marriage and not going well

Muslim woman

Hello brother and sisters, i have decided to let go and tell you guys what im feeling right now. I just got married but it was arranged. When i met the boy i did try to say no but my parents said hes very nice and has a very nice family. I had another person in my heart and i couldnt tell anyone so whatever i did they won me over and i agreed to this marriage. But right after i got engaged i was never happy, i didnt miss him or wanted to see him, i know its not his fault but i just cant get over with my feelings, and its been a month since i got married but i still have feelings for the other guy, i dont know what to do because this is affecting our relationship alot and i cant make myself have any sexual realationship with him. Its very hard for me also because im only 20 years old, feeling like i shouldnt have gotten married this early. Im not thinking of divorcing but i dont know what i can do to love him and forget the other one.

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4 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister. If you married someone that you don't love, while you are in love with someone else that is a recipe for disaster. I would suggest you first DO NOT talk about the man you care about or any other man with your husband. DO NOT mention the man you do care about to anyone else. It is too late to speak up about that. You are young, but you did have an chance to just say No. I don't want to be married to this man. And you did not. You owe your husband that much consideration and respect.

    If the marriage is not working out, it is not working out. If you two have no chemistry between the two of you, you just don't. Just because a person fits certain requirements for marriage (age, education, lineage) does not mean the couple will be happy and want to live with one another as husband and wife. At this time, you should make every precaution to avoid getting pregnant. Why bring a child into a world where there is unhappiness and misery already in the home?

    The most important advice I will offer is that you should strongly consider that, as you said, you are young. And that the man you love may not want to marry you, may not really love you, or be a suitable spouse. Many older women can tell you of the heartbreak they had when they had the opportunity to be with a good loving partner, but because they were foolish, young and infatuated with someone else did not -- only to have regrets for years and years later. You would not want your own husband right now to tell you he has some other woman in his heart, but married you instead. Be kind, considerate and think thing out very carefully. Many times both men and women imagine how things would be with someone else, only to find out how wrong they are.

  2. Sis
    1)Its shaitan waswasa that is prohibiting you from consummating your marriage.Shaitan is happiest when a marriage is broken.You are so young and may be over ambitious and the devil want you to derail from right path.
    2)Sis you should be thankful to Allah subhanahu and to your parents for getting you married at this properly young you not think about millions of those girls who cannot get married due to so many reasons.
    3)In Quran Allah subhanhu says specially addressing to couples that "it might be possible that you love something and its not good for you whilst it might be possible that you dislike something and that is good for you."(perhaps surah Al-nisa.pls check yourself).
    4)The Classical Islamic Scholars recommend that any newly married couple should spend much more and more time together in first six months of marriage so that they come to know each other gradually.So take your time to know each other and be patient and respectfull,share your likes and dislikes,share your knowledge,books and games in family with each other like musical chairs etc.Insha Allah you will start developing and enjoying this great gift of Allah subhanahu !!! The HALAL Relationship of Marriage.
    5)Pls don't pay attention to other guy who even you don't you are in marriage bond so it will be like sin to think about others.May Allah subhanhu bless you with a happy marriage protect your sacred relationship.

  3. Salam,

    If you can't fulfill the rights of this marriage then please get a divorce. Let your husband know the reason so that he doesn't wonder why you don't love him. After that ask for divorce, give back what he gave you and that's it. Next time please openly let your parents know who you love so you don't go down this path again. Please do not bring children into this marriage while you don't love your husband.

  4. Can someone please publish my post?

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