Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Bi-romantic

Hello, I've seen some questions here like "I'm gay/lesbian/bi and is it okay if I don't do anything even though I fantasize?" And I'm not like that. I'm what you could call Biromantic. I never feel sexual attraction towards fellow girls and I barely even feel sexual attraction towards boys, but I've liked a few girls romantically. Never as strongly as I've liked boys, but the attraction was still there. I've had these feelings before I was ever even exposed to gay people and I ignored it. And I felt it more and more with one particular friend last year and tried my best to ignore it but after a long year I had to admit it to another friend and get it off my chest. I eventually got over that friend but now I like another. Once again not as strongly as I've liked boys, but the feelings are still there. I find myself looking at her Instagram constantly, getting excited when she talks to me, and feeling really happy and at peace when she sits next to me or leans on me. I also really want to kiss her. However, I've never liked her sexually, just romantically (although I do like her body in general). Is this okay in Islam?  A lot of people who ask if it's okay have felt sexually attracted to the same sex but I haven't. I've only liked the same sex romantically. Is this okay? I know I'll probably get an answer like "just don't think about it" but I've tried for years and even while being in love with different boys, those bi feelings still always creeped in on me. Is this truly haraam even though I've never had sexual relations, nor wanted to have sexual relations with a girl?

Amber

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2 Responses »

  1. as salaamu alaykum Amber,

    Many girls feel a certain attraction to other girls, simply because girls Are attractive to both genders. This does Not mean that you're bi-sexual. Insha' Allaah you'll simply grow out of it when you get married and have children. So long as you don't start experimenting with this attraction it's not a problem. You should simply let it reside in you and that's it. We're not responsible for our feelings, so long as we don't Act on them. Don't tell others about these feelings though. If you are tempted to Act out your attraction, perhaps in a kiss or what ever, say Authu b'illaahi minas Shaitaanir rajeem and Allaah subhaanahu t'aala will make you see the Wrong in it, if you're Sincere!

  2. Assalamulaikum sister
    Now I'd like to answer this one. Honey relax, I've been there too. You get excited when she's near you ,don't you? See sweety, it's totally okay. You probably really like that friend of yours. Doesn't necessarily need to be "bi" feelings, its probably called "affection-towards-your-friend" feelings. She's undoubtedly beautiful and maybe she smells good or her lipstick colour makes her lips look attractive. That's all....I guess.

    And even if you're jonesing for her attention and have these unexplainable feelings towards her,just like how you expressed in the question. It's still okay. Like the brother above said, we're not responsible for our feelings,right? Our brains tend to go through millions of emotions everyday. As long as you don't act upon your bi feelings, i suppose its alright. But if you're still worried, then try to divert your attention. This is gonna sound kind of hard, but can you distance yourself from the girl you are attracted to the most. That sweetheart needs a break,eh? When she leans on your shoulder then maybe go like "umm, I hurt my shoulder while cycling yesterday"or something. Why dont you purposely...lightly hit yourself so you won't be lying? Pardon my painful suggestion.

    I really feel bad for you honey. I remember I used to question myself about how hard it was for people to fight against these temptations. I've never really liked girls,but a slight tender affection was always there. Never romantically or sexually but certainly preferable over men since ladies go through so much and they're amazing and definitely attractive and a praised creation of God. But I'm certainly going to pray for you to come outta this. It's bothersome isn't it? Living a life thinking your different from others and a black spot of the ummah and you're doing something haram, but you're not. So breathe and relax.

    Those are only thoughts not actions, and don't go any further. Take care sister.
    Salam

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