Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I use a marriage website to find my life partner?

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Can I look for a spouse online?

Assalam O Aliekum,

I am a female and really depressed about my life and future. I am drawing closer to 30 years old and still single. Most of my friends and cousins of my age and even younger than me have either got married or are about to get married.

Someone told me about a marriage website where singles are registered and are searching for suitable life partners. I too got myself registered on that website. But after registering what I saw was that one has to contact the potential partner and after contacting both start chatting in order to get to know each other and decide whether they are going to marry that person or not. This and only this thing bothered me much because in Islam the potential partners for marriage don't interact with each other on their own but they do interact by sitting along with their Walli. But here the potential partners contact on their own at first and then they tell their walli. I know this thing is not allowed in Islam and after realizing how this website works I stopped chatting to a guy in whom I had interest as a potential partner.

But my problem is my Walli, my father. He is not that much serious about his children's marriages. He just started looking for proposals a year ago and now he is in such a hurry that whatever proposal comes even the man is divorced with children he is willing to give my hand in marriage and he does the same with my brother. He is moody in finding partners for us means when he is in mood he calls the match maker and asks about proposal otherwise weeks and months pass and he doesn't pay any heed to this important issue. This thing is making me a loooot depressed. There is an atmosphere of tension at home.

I have no where to go but to this website where I can at least find someone good and also there are a lot of options of proposals. But as I told, on the website the people chat first and when they think that this person is suitable they tell their walli. And this thing is not permissible in Islam as far I know. But keeping in mind my Walli's situation and ignorance I am feeling like my life is ruining and he will eventually end up in giving my hand to some not-suitable person when I will pass some more years of my life.

So, keeping in mind these two scenarios, should I keep up with my chatting to potential partners with pure intentions or should I just leave it because Islam doesn't allow to chat and talk with non mehrams on our own and leave everything to ALLAH??? Please all those out there who have their valuable suggestions advise me as giving good naseeha is also a virtue. And if anyone has the same experience kindly do share your experiences. It would be very informative if you people come up with some Islamic references to this solution.
Thanks in advance.
-Depressed soul

UnknownSoul

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16 Responses »

  1. ASA! I have tried these matrimonial websites before and have STOPPED using them! What I have found is that these sites are used by men to pray on girls and play emotional games. Some men waste time chatting and flirting with you because they like the attention and confidence boost. I have tried not to judge too harshly, but I have had so many negative experiences that I gave up these sites. Too many men were looking for haram relationships and they knew that most sisters online are searching for a spouse unsupervised. They take advantage of such situations.

    I am a convert and so I am in a similiar situation where I need to be more proactive in searching for a spouse. I have started going to friends for referrals... and I even spoke to the sheikh at my masjid to help me. Maybe you can try the same? But going online was a horrible experience for me!

    • word2mySistas: ASA! I have tried these matrimonial websites before and have STOPPED using them! What I have found is that these sites are used by men to pray on girls and play emotional games.

      Did you try matrimonial websites which cater mainly to Muslims?

      One can always stop chatting or email communication if the person is going out of line.

      • Yes of course these are muslim sites. But you would be surprised how many men call themselves muslim yet act totally unislamic. I have been duped by too many guys on that site that I am completely turned off to using them. Thats my opinion to the OP. She already sounds frustrated and there is no reason to add more to the frustration by going to sites like those. If anything it might leave her completely jaded.

        • 100% agree with word2mysistas.
          I too have experienced the same that men prey on women AND only after one thing WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE DON'T LOSE YOUR RESPECT FOR ANYONE NOT EVEN A MAN. I have now left my faith in hands of Allah. I don't believe in age I believe in what Allah has written for me or YOU InshAllah we can still hope for the best.

    • word2mySistas: ASA! I have tried these matrimonial websites before and have STOPPED using them! What I have found is that these sites are used by men to pray on girls and play emotional games.

      Did you try matrimonial websites which cater mainly to Muslims?

      One can always stop chatting or email communication if the person is going out of line.

  2. Assalaamolaium sister ,

    Sorry to hear about your situation .Please note that you should not loose Hope and be patient .
    Most of the time life is complex whether you are single or married doesn't matter .
    Be patient here .

    “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an, 2:153)

    Most of the marriage sites have turned in to kind of dating sites where people starts chatting ,talking and in the name of knowing each other crossing limits .I congratulate and respect for you as you have stopped it here before falling in to some fake personality .

    Your father's role is very disappointing , I feel you need to talk to your father or take in to confidence your mother or some other elder in your family .If you are involved with Deeni group it will help you in building a network and might get some help also .

    On top of everything Pray Allah sincerely for the good husband .

  3. You can make a profile on these matrimonial websites. When some one makes a contact you can tell them they will first need to talk to your brother or father first and take things from there.

    Lot of people registered on these websites who are just looking for fun only. Many married men and women put their information there.

    Communicating by email is safe.

    If you go to a Muslim website, you may be a little safe there.

    You should never meet a guy alone.

    What country do you live in?

    • The muslim matrimonial websites are NOT any different than "non-muslim" websites.

      In fact, they are worse. People think that because they have the word "muslim" in there, the profiles are only be people who are honest, trustworthy and marriage-worthy. The reality is that the profiles are not vetted by the people who run these sites. I have been on them for almost 10 years and can tell you unequivocally that they are very dangerous.

      The entire rationale behind the prohibition against dating is that it serves as a protection for women, and it relieves them of the burden of conducting an examination by placing that burden on family members. It is the family that bears the burden, cost etc of investigating the character and compatibility of the men involved.

      The online matrimonials completely throws that paradigm out the window. There is no intermediary. The internet is anonymous -- you don't even know who I am at this very moment -- so people can make up stories, be less than honest, post pictures that are NOT of themselves, hide details, and, as we have come to know, prey on innocent women and extract money/immigration from them.

      And muslim women are innocent. We don't have experience with the opposite sex. We have lived very sheltered lives.

  4. Waalaikum salam warahmatullah wabarakatuhu, Sis, am also in the same situation. Although i am a revert and my father has just left me and my siblings who reverted to islam. My Father is a pastor so he doesnt want anything to do with his children who are musim. Its very hard for me to find my other half. First of all i have no father who will stand by my side, my big brother is not muslim, so i have no one to help me find a suitable spouse. Am curently living with my brother, he has friends who are christian always trying to play games with me "Astaghfirullah" My brother always tell me that i will never find a husband because my abaya and hijab makes me look old. 🙁 am very scared even though am only 21, my family members putting me down so i feel like maybe they are right maybe i will never find a spouse since i want to marry a religious person who will inshaAllah teach me Quran. I did use some singlemuslam websites to find a spouse but, Most of the man on those websites are very bad. Sadly, I got scammed more than 4time. So i kind of gave up on searching for my half. Even though i want to find a spouse so i can protect myself against my brother's friends 🙁 but its just not gonna happen, just i pray make dua cry to Allah since his the only one who can help me in this situation. But inshaAllah you will find a spouse, talk to your brother if his mature, he might be able to help you by him going to masjid and making friends and ask if they know anyone who is looking for a spouse. Something like that. 🙂

    You some people actually find success on those websites, my friend met her husband on facebook mashaAllah and they are happily married, my big sister found her husband also on facebook, she has a 2year old and soon to have another baby on the 25th inshaAllah and subhanaAllah they truly love each other mashaAllah. You might also find love, who knows :). Really just make Dua keep on asking Allah, it might take a while for u to find a spouse but may Allah is preparing for you a very "mashaAllah" husband who will spend the rest of his life with you and who will take you to Jannat :). May Allah make it easy for you and all those who are searching for their half. Aameen.

    May Allah give us spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes

    • Dear sister Alahdulillah ,

      Congratulatuon and Welcome to the Deen of Islam .Your story is inspiration and eye opener for lot of Muslims who are just Muslims by birth .Despite so many difficulties you hold the rope of Allah and insha Allah ,Allah will help you finding some good person . Allah will test with patience and lot of things and your seems to be type of person who will pass this test with flying colours in the sight of Allah .

      Good luck.

      Allah hafiz

    • Have you tried asking your friends if they know other converts like yourself? Or do you know anyone who may be interested in Islam, and you can start from there - he may convert to Islam.

    • Assalam-o-Alaikom
      I am a student 30 years old in Voronezh Russia. I am graduate from the university earlier. Now I m just studying Russian language here to start my business here in Russia or in Ukraine.
      I want and looking for serious relation with good muslim girl or woman even divorced or widow but be a good muslim.
      Who respect me and my family.
      I don't concentrate on nationality.
      Plz guide and help in the light of Quran & Sunnah

  5. Salaams UnknownSoul

    I have joined matrimonial websites and I have STOPPED using them, THEY ARE DANGEROUS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. The men on these websites are only after one thing and they don't want to commit marrying a woman. Some are even married and unknown to their wife will marry again AND HAVEN'T DISCLOSED THIS INFORMATION TO YOU THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS HONEST. My strong advise to you is PLEASE DON'T GET DESPERATE MEN WILL SEE THIS AND WILL TARGET YOU. Secondly ask someone else in your family to help you like your brother, uncle even if your parents are not bothered. I am passed 30 and let m tell you I rather be waiting until I found someone worthy of my time then meet someone after one thing wasting my time.

    WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE, PLEASE INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS AND DO NOT MEET A MAN ALONE THEY WILL ONLY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

    Ask Allah to give to you, pray, keep faith, hope and patience, your healthy and well that's the main thing. The rest InshAllah will happen for the better.

    • ASA,
      My name is Jaffar from Pakistan Islamabad and I am 29 years old, smart, good looking and honest. I have been searching life partner for 2 years via different websites but didn't get suitable match. All men are not same that play with girls some of them do this. I really like sincerity, honesty and giving value to the relationship.
      If there is any sincere and honest independent lady want to find a soulmate can contact.

      May you all always be lucky...

      • Sorry brother Jaffar, we do not allow the exchange of private contact info or matrimonial advertisements on the forum.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I don't agree with you, all men do not play, some of them do this...

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