Contact cut off completely; but I still love him
Heartache.
As alaamalikum dear sisters and brothers..
I am still in love with the boy I wanted to marry, but my parents refused due to caste. My first two posts would explain a lot:
My parents won’t let me get married because the boy comes from a lower caste
Will Allah Forgive My Sins? How can I let go of these feelings?
I still love him. I'm trying to hard now and it has gotten better than before but somehow I still hope that he loves me still and everyone else that knows about this says he does but I just want to marry him and live a happy life; I know Allah tests those who he loves the most..
I know there's nothing I can ask for from you but just someone to share my troubles with. Everyday I think about him and everyday I pray for him.. I just wish I could marry him and live a happy life.
Don't know why I'm writing on this post but I'm scared to imagine him marrying anymore else..
Will I ever get over it? Will I ever be 100% happy? Has anyone else faced this? it just hurts to imagine I'll never have him again.. Will Allah help me? And forgive me? I'm trying so hard and need Allah in my life.
- barbie
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I think once you start university, and become absorbed with your classes, studying, and making new friends, you will slowly move on. Try to do some volunteer work and/or get a part-time job -- you will become too busy to think about him!
He may always be someone you think of fondly, but you will move on.
You are 18 years old. At this stage, your life will continue to evolve. You will meet new people, make new friends, and grow your educational and career pursuits. Your personality may change, too, over the next few years.
Eventually, when you are a full-fledged adult, you will meet or be introduced to someone else (it sounds like your family is pretty traditional hence they will probably try to introduce you to prospective husbands). At that time, this person will be history. You will have the emotional maturity at that time to make the decision as to who would be a suitable spouse for you.
Just remember that he did not fight for you. You have not heard from him. Does that sound like the makings of a reliable spouse to you? Assume that it is over and he is no longer interested. You can keep praying for him if it makes you feel better, but it will make it harder for you to move on. Pray for yourself instead, rather than a boy who paid you no heed.
I don't mean to diminish your feelings, but many teenagers fall in love at your age. In all likelihood, you will look back on this time as having had a serious crush on someone.
I hope that helps!
Assalamualaikum Barbie,
Having cut off all contact, it is actually quite easier than the otherwise.
All you need to do now is forget about the idea of marriage for sometime and concentrate on something else.
If you do this, in sha Allah, you will be able to concentrate on Deen also. This thought about love works like a virus in our Deen. I must commend you for your brave step of cutting all contact. In the same way, you should hold high taqwa and divert your concentration.
When you move away from evil, it takes you closer to Allah, you already have Allah in your life, but you don't realize it. Once you realize, that is when you will enjoy.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i can cmpletly undrstn u ma lit sis.. i knw watevr ppl say how hard they try to console u bt nothng can heal u except Allah nd bliv me its if u mak dua than it wil reduce ur pain nd giv hope to live but plz if u realy lov tat guy than u must pray to Allah tala frm da core of ur heart nd nevr disheartd. in sha Allah sooner or later u wil see da result of ur dua..if ur lov is pure it wil cum to u only mite be not 2day but sumday he wil be urs in sha Allah but juz carefull regrding ur deeds nd as well as ur intention it must be pure n only marriage ..u must be careful abt al dis nd evrythng wil be ok in ur lyf juz be patient n hv faith.. hugzzz
asalam waliykum sister,
What you have said everyone has been through to some degree or the other.
I when i was not practicing went through something similar at the age of 17.
I thought i would never get over him... But i did! why because Allah will help you forget. Love Allah and start to practice your deen. I went to uni and moved on... i got married after i finished university and i never think of that person... i only remember his name. He has moved on from what i last heard 3 years ago... and So did I. Shiytan will always incite you with Harram LUST. buts it is not real love.
Move on sister, you will get over it. You will meet a nice muslim brother and be happy. Believe in Qadeer.