Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Dating in Islam

The only hot date that's halal.

The only hot date that's halal.

Al salamu Alaykum, my question is concerning if it's haram or halal to go out on a date with a guy for the sake of knowing each other better (knowing that he's thinking seriously about asking me for marriage.

What should one do if they wanted to know their future partner better without sins?

People say it's forbidden for a girl to hang out with a man alone, and there should be "mehrem", but it's just awkward for a relative to be watching me like that, and I'm not doing something that angers Allah, I'm just hanging out with this guy to be certain about my choice of my partner.

The worst part of going out on a date, in my opinion, is people's talk if they saw us together. They would create rumors for instance that I'm a player, not well-behaved, cheap...etc. Then I would feel like I've lost my dignity.

I hope you understood my question, and I'm looking forward to hearing your advice. I'm in need of it. Gazakom Allah Khayran.

Yosra


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12 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    Meeting a non mehram alone is haram.

    So you can't hang out with t his guy.

    Try to find out other halaal ways to know more about each other.

    May Allah keep you steadfast on Islam.

  2. Salaam sister,
    Glad to hear your taking the initial meeting seriously and trying to follow the right guidelines. It's important to build the foundations in the correct manner to inshaAllah have a fruitful future.

    My suggestion would actually be to perform istikhara BEFORE you meet him. This way, your not influenced by your feelings etc, your as neutral as possible, and then meet him if appropriate.

    I know that in some cultures it's frowned upon to meet outside, and quite often the boy's family come to the girls house etc but that can become tedious with strangers coming and going from the house, and inconvenient for other members of the family that might live there.

    My suggestion would be to meet outside in a public place, take someone with you so that they are close by but not necessarily sitting right beside you. Keep the conversation as relaxed as possible and go with the flow but also have some important questions that you want covered. Maybe perform istikhara again after meeting him too.

    I would meet just a few times, and then probably have your mahram speak to him too one to one and see what they think, if they approve then get the rest of the family involved and take things from there. Strictly speaking Islamically you shouldn't be texting/calling a non mahram, but if you do keep it to the minimum and only for important marriage related appropriate topics. No calling late at night/24 hours a day etc.

    Use this time to really analyse him, don't let feelings get in the way. Some of the other things to look at are the types of friends he hangs out with, what his hobbies are, any bad habits, his temperament etc. Not sure how appropriate this might be but use social media websites to get a little 'insight' to him as well.

    I also believe it's equally important to get to know his family before the marriage. Again I know in some cultures it's considered shameless to go to the boy's family house prior to the marriage, but if possible it's a good way to find out more about the family and how they function. Take your mum with you, get to know his family, understand if you can be a part of that family etc. If he has sisters meet with them outside the home too, get to know them.

    Don't lose your self control or respect during the process. Inshallah stick to the boundaries and I'm sure you will make the right decision.

    Ultimately everyone prior to marriage is on their best behaviour. You can only do so much research and getting to know them, marriage is ultimately a gamble. Do what you can, make istikhara and then leave the rest to Allah swt.

    May Allah swt lead you to a spouse that's good for you in this world and the next, Ameen.

    • Also to add

      Lets some one from your family do back ground checking for this man like his friends circle ,activities and his job ,own house etc etc .

      Also let some one cross check in local mosque in his residential area .If he is regular in namaz , then Imam or other people might know him and can give some feedback ...

  3. Dear Sister

    In our modern muslim world, male and female meet in offices and universities etc. Female interact with

    males and vice-verse normally and rarely crosses the line. In this environment it is normal to sit with a

    person in a coffee shop, chat with him and exchange jokes just to know each other. My suggestion is to

    start meeting that person in a crowded place only. Avoid meeting in a lone place at all costs as the sex

    drive will push both of you to do something indecent involuntarily.. Once the understanding develops, involve

    your families immediately and meet with that person only occasionally to avoid the fully developed sex drive

    to do something haraam. In short, you have to monitor the sex drive developing strictly at each stage.

    In the end dating is just like driving on a mountain road. If you are not careful, then you may slip into pit of

    hell. The real question is "Are you a skillful driver or not".

  4. Your picture poster has the meaning full answer

    1, get a fresh date, "imagine that is a person"
    2, Heat it up, "with some physical desires"
    3, you get hot date, " that is to get heated with your desires" it is dating.
    4, it is not shown, " spoiled date" that is result of dating

  5. 1.I believe it is completely haraam to meet couples as dating before marriage

    2. It is allowed only if there is any family member is with you. But not not many times, it is bitter truth to understand the person in one meeting

    3. Dont think what people or relatives say, think what allah will ask you in the day of judgement.

  6. Sister,

    Once on chatting non muslim sister ask question to me about the same and she was convinced by my answer and liked islam point of view about women safety.

    Once there was premissible to have one glance over the person you like to marry, later people took forward that seeing the person to who the person is going to marry is allowed, later again when age developed people started to talk the person who they were going to marry, again after few years people encourage the marrying couples to meet independently, after few more years people call it dating and further more started to living together before marriage under some conditions, age developed some people believe in dating couples can do anything, in some countries people live together and ladies become pregnant if the thinking of both not matching they can be seperate that is called dating, sister allah has made rights to protect the women. It is shaitaan who puts the modern techniques of sexual thinking among young boys and girls,
    Allah says in the quran say to the believing men to guard their modesty and lower their gaze, say to the believing women to guard their modesty and lover their gaze.
    Safety is better than sorry sister. May allah guide you true path.

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    The bottom line is to have your family involved and not be alone with the potential suitor no matter how decent or marriage-goaled he may appear.

    Talk to your family and speak to him in your home. Your family could be in the next room--it isn't like they have to be sitting right beside you. Don't go out alone with the boy--if the both of you and your families agree on meeting outside of the home, then the mehrem for you must go along but, again, doesn't have to be sitting right next to you.

    You don't want to have too many of these meetings if nothing will precipitate from it--so try to keep these to a minimal. Hopefully in the first few meetings, the both of you can decide if you want to go for it--try not to have it draw out for too too long.

    Again, ask your parents for support.

    May Allah swt help you in finding a suitable partner in marriage, Ameen.

  8. OP:my question is concerning if it's haram or halal to go out on a date with a guy for the sake of knowing each other better (knowing that he's thinking seriously about asking me for marriage

    -Just in one date? is that possible? or would it lead to more dates , and then gradually build towards something forbidden. (Not accusing you or anything but you may want to take it in to consideration)

  9. OP: I'm just hanging out with this guy to be certain about my choice of my partner.

    How did you find him in the first place?

    You are afraid people may see you and create rumors? Are you planning to meet this guy alone away from the public eyes.

  10. Dating is haraam in Islam .
    You can meet the person in front of mehrem just to get some idea about his personality .I think beyond certain point there is no guaranty that marriage will be successful .
    There are people who gets married after Live in for so many years but still ends up in divorce .

    I think idea about hanging around with a guy to know him is not good one as slowly you will be tempted to do haraam .

    You need to pray a lot to get a good husband ..

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