Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Divorced in anger – is it valid?

Angry husband, no love, husband turning away

A few months ago my husband shouted at me „you are divorced“in a fit of anger after yelling about the food I had prepared for him and throwing the plate in the sink. This was a great shock to me as from my understanding we were doing ok as a couple in our home.

I am deeply committed to my husband and our marriage. He has been violent and aggressive since end of last year and is “losing his head” regularly. His temper is changing frequently – one moment happy and the next moment cursing me. But I understand his temper and emotional/psychological instabilities due to war trauma and his current permit situation. He is not allowed to work

He has not moved out of the flat – despite my constant pleading to leave in order to avoid a haram situation – I absolutely do not want to live with a man who is not my husband. He does not give me an answer. This is a very heavy burden, not understanding my legal situation.

The imam of the local mosque told me that it depends whether my husband from his heart wanted the divorce or not when he was in the state of extreme anger, and because he is still staying in the flat could mean that he also agrees that the divorce was not valid. But I am not getting any answers from my husband.

He has not ever told anybody about this “divorce” – and even to his mother I am still her daughter-in-law – and he is refusing to move out. I am working, paying all our expenses and renting the flat in my name. I have nowhere to go and the situation is unbearable. Does he have to leave the flat because I cannot otherwise escape a haram situation – if indeed I could already be divorced? I am trying to be a good and faithful wife and accept my husband as he is – but where is the limit when he is not giving me a clear answer to our current status?

We do not share the bedroom but other than that I am fulfilling all my responsibilities as his wife to the best of my capability.

May God bless and protect you and your family and grant you and your family peace always. Please send me your thoughts on what I could do and get out of this situation.

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5 Responses »

  1. Increase your responsibilities and obligations as a wife. Make him even more comfortable and satisfied. A man who is well fed and loved and listened to by his wife is a happy man. If he has other problems outside of your marriage then counseling would be a good thing.

  2. Calmness and silence, feed him and increase your responsibilities? Wow, I feel horrible that this us the only words this sister got. Where's the empathy and words of kindness? She already pays all the bills and cooks, has intimacy, etc. with him. He's obviously flying off the handle over small things because the stress, but verbal abuse is an abuse none the less.
    I advise the sister to yes, remain calm, but also there has to be an end in sight to this situation. Is he scheduled to get a visa to work eventually? There must as least be a plan and a clear time frame. Make sure you have a plan so that you're not in an endless cycle of stagnation. This breeds no hope for your sanity or your marriage.
    As for your concerns about living with a non mehrem, you're not divorced, though to be honest it sounded like you're already ready to handle life without him and move on. Be honest with yourself concerning this as you ponder your plans with your husband. It will help you get clarity about your feelings and maybe help you decide on some personal time frames for getting your husband to work and stable where you live.
    I'm sorry about your situation, I'm sure it's very difficult. Hang in there sister.

  3. Please speak to a Alim Islamic scholor because his head is not all there.Muslims treat there wives with respect and kindness.Did you know you can refuse to make his dinner.You have more rights then he does.This is why muslims dont suceed in life because they are disobeying and are going against the commandments of Allah and his Rasool .So Allah makes life very hard and difficult for that individual.Success is only obeying the commandments of Allah and following the sunnah of Muhammad S.A.W .There is know other way.So my advice read quran pray 5 times a day and prepare for your death.The day of judgement Allah will deal with everybody because he is the just and the most merciful!!!!!So have patience and make dua keep from all haram and your life will improve

  4. if husband message to his wife on her mobial that i divorce you .is this type of divorce is affect to his wife .and if three preiods has gone durring this divorce then .no limit left for rajoo plz mention

  5. f husband message to his wife on her mobial that i divorce you .is this type of divorce is affect to his wife .and if three preiods has gone durring this divorce then .no limit left for rajoo plz mention

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