Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Dying with guilt from repeated mistakes and zina

The Right Girl

Will anyone want to marry a girl like me?

Salam. I am feeling really guilty... I couldn't ask anyone about and then I found this site. Please help me. I'm 20 at the moment. When I was 18 I got in a serious relationship. He loved me a lot. But due to his family problems he had to leave me.

I was really really upset. I mean I was taken to hospital several times, lost 10-12 kg...  We had kissed and hugged and he had touched me some private parts.

When we broke up, I was very conscious about the boys around me. I tried not to get to close. But I got close to another guy and we sexted and then kissed, eventually a lot happened, like touching and all. We thought it was because I was getting over my ex... But it was hardly for month when we fell... He loved me way more... I didn't. But he would marry me right now only if his parents agreed.... But all this time they saw me naked. The two of them on video chat. And saw my pics too... Then this one time I got really close to this guy who's a family friend more like cousin. We go there a lot and they visit us too. The thing is things got out of hands here. We performed sex - anal and oral only - not the proper way.. Whenever I stay there or they stay here, we have a night or two together. But we can't get married we both know. And I know how sinful this is and it's forbidden and I'm so guilty.... and I watch porn sometimes and every time I watch it I regret it.

I pray at least 4 times a day. Whenever I can I read Quran as well. But I am so ashamed of myself and in front of Allah and that on day of judgement what will I say to prophet pbuh. I'm so afraid of punishment in grave and on day of judgment. Everyday I ask Allah for forgiveness but when he texts me I can't tell him not to. I don't know why and I hate myself for this so much.

And..... I don't want to get married cause I don't think any man would want his wife who has affairs like this. I'm so troubled. Though many of my male friends have proposed to me. Except for this fact that I've had sex they know everything about me. And they love me from the core of their heart. I tell them not to love me cause I'm not what they think I am but no one believes me. They think I'm the best they can. But they're wrong. Please help me. I'm so so afraid and so guilty ....how should I end this relation?

dyingfromguilt

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7 Responses »

  1. Salam
    Your getting used love and you don't even know it.
    Stop this haram way please and start to pray more. No man likes woman to be not clean and pure. Why I repeat why do you have such less self respect love??
    Clean your act and ask Allah swt for forgiveness and have mercy on your soul. I don't understand why the world is changing so fast and people are so like into sex.
    This life is not forever we all going to die one day. All the sins we do are going to be questioned, pls before its too late sort your life out. May Allah guide you and you repent genuinely.

  2. Asalaam Alykum Sis.

    You feel guilty for all of the haraam actions you've committed, correct? I suggest you to repent. With a sincere pure heart. Delete and block contact with all that you have committed sins and wrong doings with. Clear yourself from everyone and everywhere.

    Repent. To Allah swt. For he is the all-forgiving.

    Remove all those dirty thoughts from your head. And mind. cleanse yourself.

    I can go in depth. Message me sometime. I had a bad past too. And repented and here I am today. I rarely talk to men. Unless they are my mahram. I wear my hijab and have fell in love with wearing it. Now I know the true meaning of it.

    Repent, sis. Repent.

  3. OP: "I’m so troubled. Though many of my male friends have proposed to me. Except for this fact that I’ve had sex they know everything about me" ???....

    What is this sister ?? Why don't you understand that your male friends also want to do the same thing that u have done before with your so-called serious love relationship and now u feel ashamed and want to repent .... They think that your easy prey ...and they want to use you again beacuse No man wish to marry a girl who have done this type of things ..Except if she do repent and ask forgiveness from Allah and live her life according to islam then everyone will ready to marry you and love you for what you are today .... Talking, touching even looking to non-mehram is haram and do friendship with non-mehram is also haram ... Cutoff your All contact with your male friends right now... Having friendship or relationship with non-mehram is haram this is a great sin and your doing this again ..... Stop it right now because you are fooling yourself again that's why in islam having this type of relation is haram because this type of relationship can destroy a life like this. sister InshaAllah Allah will help you if you are repenting from the core of your heart ...

    • This person is correct. You are living a totally unIslamic lifestyle and suffering the spiritual and emotional consequences of that. You have to make a major change in your lifestyle. End all these male "friendships" which are nothing but boys using you and playing with you. Start doing your salat and wearing hijab. Give up the porn. Reconnect with Allah. Make friendships with good Muslim women. Join a Muslim youth organization.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. salam.Sister your not the only one perfect.We are all sinful,but we have to learn and correct are mistakes.This life is a test and we dont know when are time will come how it will end.The first thing we say is we thank Allah for making us a ummati of Muhammad S.A.W. Whatever mistakes we down we conceal it so Allah will conceal it on the day of judgment.Next we make tauba and we try to fix the probem.The reason why its hard for you at this time is simple.Your heart needs cleaning.Making Istagfir min 200 and 100 duroods and reading a few hadiths will give you the ability to do more actions. like read quran e tra nafil salah etc.... I recomend you read manzil daily morn and evening possible evil jinn with you? oh by the way dont expose your sin and whatever person you get married to make sure he is an Alim because he will give you the peace blessings that usually surrounds them.He will respect you and love you and fear Allah much.Dont be fooled for his looks like dress home etc.....Shaitan will do his best to put thoughts and keep you away.I know this beccause i married a women scholor whose 11yrs younger then me.11yrs of marriage and she never once asked me about my history!!!Alhamd....

  5. say astaghfar with tears, read soorat hashar, and soorat yaseen as much as you can read, GOD waits for us to say Astaghfar, you do not know how much God loves his creation, slowly things will move towards betterness Insha Allah..

  6. I agree with above posts MasAllah. I will add STOP NOW PLEASE while YOU CAN you will lose so much more. CUT ALL CONTACT WITH MEN THEY ARE USING YOU. Pray and repent think of your parents and family your self respect no one wants a girl used up before marriage. Do not disclose your past sins to anyone thats between you and ALLAH repent. It will better for you to join the mosque learn about principles of being a good muslim and about islam and what it says about behaviours and attitudes about our deen. May ALLAH guide you InshAllah. I really hope you can change for the better you dont deserve this bad stuff learn and move forward.

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