Are there exceptions for talking to the girl I love?
Salam,
It all started around 9 months ago. A girl contacted me on net, she knew about me through my cousin. It was a bit complex. We started talking, and soon we became close friends. About three months after we had met, I started to like her, I proposed to her. She was kinda tense, she didn't really say anything. But as the time passed she fell for me too and we started loving each other.
Now, after 9 months that we have spent together, I read all those posts related to girl and boy relationships according to Islam. So I just decided to make myself a better muslim, and ask her to do that too. It was quite hard for me but somehow I managed it and talked to her about it, she understood but obviously it was quite hard for her too. I told all this to her yesterday. Its been only a day, and I am missing her alot, same goes for her, crying etc.
As both of us are only 16 years old, so I decided to get to university and then ask her family for engagement and marriage later on. But I just can't seem to live without her in my life for so many years.
In our families, only her mother and my brother and sister knew about our relationship.
I am not sure, but I heard from someone that talking to someone might be allowed in Islam to some extent. I am not sure. I don't know the limitations as well.
So I needed some advice- is there any way I could talk to her a bit? Only chatting :S
Thanks for your time.
Ali
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Assalamu'alaikum brother Ali,
In your case, it seems better to not keep talking to her. This is because you will probably not get married for some more years and a relationship prior to marriage would certainly lead to something that is Haraam. Allah Said in Surah al Isra' Aayah 32:
And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him)
The reason that you should stay away is that this interaction with her will come in your way of becoming a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Have patience and hope for the best from Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala.
Improve your taqwa and stay steadfast on the Sunnah, on the way of the Salaf as Saliheen (the pious predecessors - the Sahaabah, their followers and their followers). Learn the deen from the right sources in order to avoid confusion and avoid Shaitaan's deception. And concentrate on your 'Ibadah, and on your school instead of worrying about the girl at this point.
When you are ready for marriage after some years, in sha Allah, you can propose to her parents and take it forward. Till, then, stay away and concentrate on your taqwa.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam bro !
You are indeed blessed.I say that bcz Allah SWT has guided you at the right time and save you from the immense pain u wud have suffered later on if you continued this relationship.
I'm also 16 man..and I know its tough for us guys in this age specially if one is involved with a girl.For me to say you to leave her is easy but it's tough.I know.But you have to do that for a better future in this life and hereafter.
Look bro , Shaitaan just made you disobey obey Allah this much , I mean u only chatted with that girl ..and this little disobedience is causing so much pain..Imagine if u went further .. what disaster could it have caused in ur life ??
So if u are leaving something today for Allah are leaving something for Allah today , He SWT will grant you a much sweeter package later on in ur life.Cut all kinds of contact with her other wise you will slip.Yes u will !
Do it for ur betterment and hers too..
You can do that bro..cz we have strong will power..Defeat the Satan.Allah SWT has put you in this battle with Shaitaan cz Allah knows that you are His strong soldier.Dont disappoint Allah SWT
Stay Safe , Dont try this at home 😀
You're only 16, Ali - what you think you want at this age and what you know you will want when you're 20+ years old are most likely very different things. I can't believe some of this girl's and your family members know about your relationship, but haven't butted in and told you, "wait a minute, you two are way too young to be focusing on marriage! Therefore, you have no reason to have contact with each other yet".
You should focus on your school for now, then in a few years, if she's still single, you can approach her and her family about marriage. Most likely, this girl hesitated on your...proposal, because she knows you're both way too young to be thinking about getting married.
I dont understand why people who love each other cant just have a nikah done. Then you are halal for each other and can do whatever you please. You dont need to move in together untill 5 years later when you are ready to take on the responsibilties of your wife and start a family.
Because islamically and natrually girls and boys are adults when they reach puberty which is around 11-14. Then they start to desire the opposite sex. But it is a big struggle for them as they cannot even talk to the opposite sex and they will have to wait 10 or 15 years to finnish thier studies and start a career then finally get married. .
Wouldnt it be more beneficial for the youth today if they just had tje nikah done and carry on as boyfriend and girlfriend but islamically they are husband and wife so no sin!. Thdy they dont hav to deal with issies like musterbation and fitnah. Then they can relax. No pain of breaking up and waiting for 10 years!
That would safeguard the youth from zina as they will already have a halal partner from early on.
I SO AGREE WITH YOU SISTER
you are right, they will be husband and wife but then they will live separate. but how will they carry on the role without each other? what if she gets pregnant? there's a lot of complications with that. i understand what you mean, it would avoid sinning, but they should avoid the opposite sex in the first place to avoid this type of dillemma
As salam alaikum
I so much agree with you Sumaira.
You just need to cut off all contacts. Repent and seek for forgiveness from Allah. Note that if you leave sometn u love for the sake of Allah,Allah will surely compensate wt sometn great.
@ Ali Javaid
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas got married when he was 11 years old, and he had a child. Hence it was said that that there was only thirteen years between him and his son ‘Abd-Allaah.
See if she is the right person with whom you want to marry.
See if it is possible for you both to convince your parents to get you both married. By this way you can be far away from a haraam relationship inshaAllah.
make dua. do istikhara.
may Allah help you and us .
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!