Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is having an affair with my sister

I found out about my husband's affair with my older sister right after I got married, and it's been continuing to this day and I can't take it anymore. Every time I caught him at it he's either denied it; or with proof staring him right in the face, begged forgiveness and promised to never do it again. But he's never lived up to it.

My parents don't support a divorce obviously since it involves their honour. I'm not qualified enough to get a job that could make me financially independent, that is why I've continued to this day with this torturous life. Every time I decided to put my foot down, my mother emotionally blackmails me by telling me to think of my daughters. But I don't care about them either anymore. I'm sick of being the sacrificial lamb for my parent's honour. Or else I'll lose my sanity.

I did an istakhara a year ago where I dreamed that my husband put me into prison telling me it's for my own good, and that he'll send papers for me to sign so we could go for hajj. I knew he was lying so I spent my time in jail trying to break free, looking for help. In the end he called up and asked me'did you sign the papers?' And I told him I didn't know if any papers reached. And he told me very coolly that nothing can be done now, and I was filled with dread as I realized I was going to rot in the jail forever.

Can you please interpret the dream? I had this last year, and afterwards he sought forgiveness promising to change; but the truth is he hasn't. I've recently found calls and romantic messages to my sister on his phone, and it didn't hurt or shock me, it just made me feel like an idiot. I want to leave him, but I have nowhere to go with my two daughters.


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18 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum Sister Reham,

    Have you gone to an Imam to ask this question? Could you do it over the phone anonymously to find out their opinion?

    I know you are saying that you have to stay due to financial reasons and your two daughters, but depending on where you live, you could have support. In some countries, if you have evidence (as you say you have) that your husband is having an affair (and that too with your sister!), you would be able to get alimony and half of the assets. Being a housewife is not easy and it should not amount to nothing.

    Is there any way that you can save up money to live off of for a few months?

    Have you ever talked to your sister? It is quite sad that your parents are saying what they are due to the cultural stigma attached to girls.

    At the end of the day, you have to come up with a plan if you don't want to stay in this marriage. I know its hard to be on your own, but then you have to decide which pain is less bearable? No one can decide for you ultimately. I would stop discussing any further matters with your parents and in stead speak to an Imam to get an unbiased opinion on this matter.

    If you do want to give it one more chance, there is always counselling, but it would mean that your husband has to be a willing participant.

    May Allah ease your pains and struggles, Ameen

  2. OP: I found out about my husband's affair with my older sister right after I got married

    Does your mom know that? Make sure you educate your daughters well so that if they are in a situation like that they can survive if divorced?

    Is your sister married? Have you tried to talk to her?

  3. AOA,

    I'm very sorry to hear of your plight and not only are your sister and husband disgusting and repulsive but your parents have a lot to answer for by essentially condoning this.

    You shouldn't say that you don't care for your kids, they are innocent and need to be removed from such an unhealthy environment. As Saba has mentioned, depending on where you live, there may be options. You need to come up with an exit strategy no matter how tough as this is no way to live.

    Don't get bogged down with dreams, especially when most people are not qualified to interpret them.

  4. Assalamalikum sister, Islam prohibits marrying a sister of one's wife when she is still alive-meaning- its a heinous crime to have this affair with your own sister . It requires more than what you are trying to do. Involve your sister and her whole in-laws family (let their in laws know this-its ok- she is not caring about you and your daughters) involve your husband and your in-laws into it .... make it loud .... if you cant really live with this guy get him to his knees a divorce should only bring him to financial loss not you, Foremost always have faith in Allah (SWT) .... if possible teach him for straight path let him fear Allah..let him know what he recites in every rakat of his salah....... I dont think your parents are any wise if possible keep them strong ...financially you can pull up from your parents and in-laws(including your husband)...and yes its v imp that you keep away your daughters from this mess....I still do not understand why are you sparing your must have thrashed her long back ..dont spare her ... shariah has strict punishments for this kind of acts for both ..... always remember its Allah(SWT) that helps not anybody no feel low or depressed when you are not doing this heinous things.. yess after all attempts if things dont go right its better to get out and live your life and In sha Allah try to get a pious husband this time and bring up your daughters in pious way...

    Khuda Hafiz

    • hifzul: shariah has strict punishments for this kind of acts for both ….. always remember its Allah(SWT) that helps not anybody else….

      If I am not mistaken Sharia also requires 4 pious men witnesses who actually saw her husband and sister having sexual intercourse to prove adultry.

      OP needs to have some kind of solid evidence to prove her husband and sister are involved sexually before involving family and her sister. just saying so and so is having sex without any proof does not work.

      • This is the verse you are mentioning and it does not mention 4 men as you have. It mentions 4 witnesses and that is it.

        Al-Quran [24:4-5]

        And those who accuse chaste women and then do not produce four witnesses - lash them with eighty lashes and do not accept from them testimony ever after. And those are the defiantly disobedient,
        Except for those who repent thereafter and reform, for indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

  5. I completely agree with rashida. This is wrong and no two ways to sugarcoat it. It is quite simply disgusting that your parents want you to stay with him if they know the truth. Sister you are better than this, I make dua that Allah showers his mercy on you and guides you through this situation.

  6. I can understand you are angry at your husband, but it takes 2, so your sister is equally to blame. have you told your sister to stay away from your husband? does your parents know your husband is playing around with your sis?

    you said your parents don't support a divorce obviously since it involves their honor, but what your husband is doing will bring more dis-honor, he's committing incest. if words got out, your parents wont able to show their face in public.

    I cant believe how some parents put an blind eye on what is happening, worst part is, its within the home. surely you can find a job which require low qualification. at least you can start somewhere. don't put up with it, suffering like that will destroy you plus you have 2 daughters to think of.


  7. So sorry for the pain you are going through, may Allah make it better for you ameen.

    Confront your husband and your sister. TELL them what they are doing is HARAAM.

    If you want a divorce have one you don't deserve to put up with this any longer than you have. You deserve respect. Your sister deserves 2 tight slaps from your mum to put her in her place she should be ASHAMED including your husband. Honestly this makes me ANGRY when i have no extended family and then your own does that they don't deserve YOU or a family. For your mum to turn a blind eye then emotionally blackmail you is very concerning, she meant to support you not going on about family honor etc. Also for your mum to accept what your sister is doing is right behavior im sorry it is NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR ANYONE.

    I strongly advise you to stand up for yourself, make it clear this is wrong and unacceptable. Get a job, qualifications anything to be financially secured to move out and inshAllah doors will open for you as you have your own children to think about and give them the best up bringing. What really scares me is that your own sister has no clear conscious about you and your family and has no care of what her actions is doing to you and your own innocent children. This is really wrong and sad especially when your own is betraying you at the lowest of them all.

  8. Dear,

    All I can support you is for Marriage. If ever you got Divorced with Him, please let me know. I'm looking for 2nd Marriage with a good lady.



  9. I agree leave him and get a job and qualifications bc he's breaking the marriage not you it's not ur fault I suggest a divorce. It's ur life ur mom doesn't need to be informed nor does she need to get in ur business .

  10. OP: I found out about my husband's affair with my older sister right after I got married.

    Was your sister having an affair with your husband even before you got married?

  11. assalamoilekum,

    my husband has left me 6 months back...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  12. Dear Sister;

    There are many women lawyers associations who will help u and charge u nothing. Get out of this marriage because u do not realise, how much this affair will affect ur daughtes. Thiis affair will one day tarnish ur daughters life more than what ur parents think now. Ur daughters life is more precious than ur parents. U don,t need parents like urs who are getting u into Jahannum. Even if u end up on the streets, Allah forbid, u will at least be happy that u saved ur self and the daughters. Staying with a husband who is doing haram will make u responsible before ALLAH SWT also on the day of judgement. Get a divorce thru these women lawyers.

    In the mean time, start praying, do lots of zikr & cry in ur Dua, keep fasts INSHALLAH, ALLAH SWT will help u.

    May, ALLAH SWT have mercy on u. AMEEN.


  13. I am mortified how parents are like I thought my parents are bad but this takes the biscuit. My parents are unbelievable but that's a different story . Is your mum for real? Sounds rather hypocritical where on one hand she is worried about honour and on the other hand your sister is tainting this marriage? Your mum sickens me in my stomach I mean is this a woman of deen? Is she a woman or a zombie?

    I think I need to hide in a shell it overwhelms me that even with my family abusing me so much there are so many people like them in this world.

    Allah protect us!

  14. I'm so sorry about the use of my language , , please forgive me, and I'll ask Allah swt, for forgiveness, , even me only Allah is the judge and Allah nos my sins, o seek forgivnes. From every Muslim that reads it i feel shame for the way I talked about my story , to much detail, ,

    • Not to worry, I deleted it. Please remember that this is an Islamic website and we have etiquettes of modesty.

      Wael Editor

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