What does Islam/Sharia Law say about an abusive husband who is also involved with his Ex?
My husband ZZZZ was supposed to get married to a girl named AAA. Her family didnt think his family was good enough at the time but one of her Uncle XXX and AAA and ZZZ as well as ZZZ's family wanted the marriage. A year later ZZZ got married to me and 3/4 days into the marriage ZZZ told me that the girl even prayed so that they could get married. They had visited each other at the Uncle's house at the time when there were talks of the marriage and had seen each other for 12 days or so.
Anywz he ZZZ got married to me the next yr and told me the story after i think 3rd day of the wedding. At the same time he wasnt being very nice to me since the start of marriage, got yelled at often, he stopped contact with me for sometime after. Then I got preganant and 2 monthhs in my pregnancy he first beat me and again 5 months in pregnancy. He had not stopped beating and had beaten me every 3 or 4 months.
I now have a child of 4 yrs and 2 yrs ago he had that Uncle XXX added to his facebook and also the girl AAA send him friend request and he added her in his facebook.
AAA and her Uncle XXX on his facebook. my husband did not ever know this girl or her family as classmates or co-workers. He only met her for the purpose of marriage. I met this girl and said you met him because of marriage issues very politely and she admitted but she still did not delete him form her facebook and even my husband didn ot delete her and her uncle from his facebook. I informed her parents about this girl who he is involved with but his mother said that boys and girls can be friends these days.
As per Islamic law should I do anything or just let my husband to do whatever he wants. Or should I talk to AAA's husband ?
Nahreen.
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I dont know about Islamic law, but cant you tell your husband to stop being friends with her, and that it make you uncomfortable and unhappy.
its wrong for ur hubby to be in touch with non mahram women, he needs to let the past go. there is no friendship between opposite sexes, because it can bring about many problems. im not sure if u should tell her hubby, because i dont know how ur hubby will react to that in return, it may bring about many issues though its not a bad idea of informing her husband about this matter i guess.
its quite a serious issue, i advise u to submit ur question on to the islamqa website to get scholerly advise in shaa Allaah about what u should consider doing.
and a husband should NOT beat his wife! and at pregnancy its even dangerous, this man clearly has no respect nor care for you, let alone love. it needs serious attention and needs to be dealt with as soon as possible dear sister. if he changes then great, we all make mistakes, but if he doesnt change then ... well, something has to be done, its not really something to be ignored, because not only does he be in touch with her, but also treats u wrongly, and this will probably go on until he doesnt get over her. he is doing injustice on you, and u dont deserve that neither does ur child deserve to see his/her mom suffer later on.
ASSALAMALAIKUM
PL INFORM HER HUSBAND THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE SO THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THE PICTURE.
ONCE SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT SOME NEWS HAS REACHED HER HUSBAND SHE WILL TRY TO COMPLAINT YR HUSBAND ABOUT IT IF YOU ARE DIRECTLY IN THE SCENE-
IT IS BETTER TO BE ALOOF AND DO THE JOB BY THIS TACTIC AND WATCH THE REACTION-
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF
Sister Nahreen, As-salamu alaykum,
This issue of your husband and the other woman is certainly bothersome. However, the larger issue is that your husband beats you. He beat you even while you were pregnant. This is a man who has no compassion or kindness. In my opinion you should leave him. I am not saying divorce him necessarily, but at least return to your parents' home and separate yourself from him. Tell him you will return only if he gets counseling to learn to control his temper.
No one deserves to be beaten and abused. You have the right to something better than that in this life.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
if he doesnt change his ways i think asking for divorce is permissible for u, in fact probably the best option left for u and ur child then. but sis dont waste years of giving him a chance.
http://www.islamqa.info/en/ref/1859/khula this fatwa explains the permissible reasons that a wife can ask for a divorce.
Nahreen,
I know of a very good friend who is in a similar situation as you. Her husband has added his ex wife to his Facebook and he doesn't see what the problem is. He talks to his ex and actually even met her up for lunch behind his wife's back! Told his wife, "if you don't like it, leave".
It's ironic how your husband's mother can make the statement, "boys and girls can be friends these days". Your husband is not a boy...he is a man. A married man at that. Additionally, if she believes that to be true...then I would imagine no one would have an issue with you adding men to your Facebook aye?! Oh no...that would be haram! Some people are such hypocrites.
Whilst I do not know of anything particular regarding Sharia law in regards to the predicament you find yourself in, I believe your husband to be a selfish man. To care nothing of your feelings is horrible. I can't even imagine how you must feel. To hell with your husband and his Facebook, you just be the best sister you can be. Take care of your home and your child, maybe soon your husband will grow up. Facebook will not last forever and in fact, some say in three years it will be a thing of the past.
Sister, I do not know where you reside but I do consider the fact that your husband beats you to be more of an issue than his Facebook obsession. If you do happen to live in the United States, I would strongly urge you to dial 911 the next time he hurts you. He will end up in jail and go before a judge. Any man who hits and beats his wife is a stain on society...a turd if you will. There are always better ways for a husband and a wife to communicate issues versus physical abuse. It is more the mind than the body that suffers.
I wouldn't bother contacting anyone about your husband's use of Facebook or his little friend. Be in the real world and take care of what you need to do. You can only pity someone who will sit for hours in front of a computer and chat like they have nothing else to do. Your husband would rather chat via the web with a non mahram, than spend it with you and his child. Such a fool. May Allah guide you sister and keep you strong.
Salam
Salam
I do agree with Brother Wael. Leave him nd returns to ur parent. Thanks almighty this was ur arranged marriage.Ur parent should give u the shelter. They can't say like my parent's that u hve selcted him as a life partern. we can't do anything. i have a drug addict abusive husband. I know the severity. So sister go to ur parents home, you deserve better than him.May Allah bless u nd ur child.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
TALAQ: A HALAL MATTER THAT IS MOST DETESTED BY ALLAH
The Most Hated Halal Thing by Allah is Divorce
GIVE MARRIAGE A CHANCE WE CANT JUST JUMP TO FINAL STAGE-
Do not treat Allah's Injunctions as a jest. (2-231)
If ye fear a breach between them, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation.[4-35]
WE CANT START FROM -The bottom of the problem instead of the beginning. and at the end RETURN OR TALAQ-
"God encourages the husband and wife to appoint arbitrators as the first step to aid in reconciliation in the process of divorce. If the reconciliation step fails, both men and women are guaranteed their right to divorce as established in the Qur'an
SO LET HER INFORM THE OTHER WOMANS HUSBAND AS 1ST STEP THROUGH SOME ONE ELSE SO THAT THE POISON ENDS THERE ITSELF-
2NDOR NEXT WARN HIM OF SEPERATION
3RD STAY IN PARENTS HOUSE FOR SONE DAYS AS 3 RD WARNING
THEN THINK OF OTHER THINGS
WE CANOOT ADVICE ALL THE DISTURBED WOMEN TO TALAQ AS IF WE ARE AUTHORIZED TO OD SO WHEN ALLAH HATES SUCH A THING EXTREMELY-
ali, when a woman is being beaten and abused, I will ALWAYS advise her to leave. Every human being has the right to physical safety with his/her own home. No one should tolerate being beaten.
Divorce is certainly disliked, but oppression and abuse are prohibited. Which is better, a thing which is makruh, or a thing which is utterly forbidden?
You will notice that I advised the sister first to separate herself and ask her husband to seek counseling to learn to control his temper. Only if he refuses to do that should she seek divorce.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello Nahreen ,
I'm not a Psychologist, but from my observation. Since you have rated your husband as 'Z' and the girl 'A', you have literally rated your husband last by all means. There is a sense of hopelessness that revolves around your mind.
Lets see what Quran says, ' If the woman feels ill treatment or indifference on the part of her husband , it shall be no offence for her to seek reconciliation, for reconciliation is best'. ( 4:128)
If you decide to separate, Allah will compensate both out of his own abundance: Allah is bountiful and wise (4:130)
Both the path's are open to you. Allah will be there will you in either case.
Aafa Allahu Annka ( Allah give thee grace )
Interesting point about the A's and Z's. I hadn't even noticed that.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor