Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t get over the last four years, I feel like I ruined my life

Heartbroken, broken heart

I have loved someone for a very long time, at first it didn’t matter that he wasn’t a Muslim because I myself wasn’t practising, but as time went by things started to become difficult. My family wanted me to get married and they started putting a lot of pressure on me to get married to a point when they sat me down and told me if I did not get married they would disown me!

When the pressure got too much I eventually agreed, but I knew my parents would never accept the man I was dating because he wasn’t from the same background, culture or colour, so I left him for the sake of my family. He begged me not to leave him and he even offered to become a Muslim, but I knew it would not be enough for my family so I left him and got married for their sake.

But since then, my marriage broke down because I could not find the heart to love him or care for him the way I cared for my previous partner. I thought I could forget my previous relationship and move on and make things work because my whole family were happy with me for the first time ever – but I couldn’t. And we ended up separating.

After we separated, my family were still and even more disappointed and wanted me to stay in a relationship despite not being happy. So in my darkest hour, I turned finally to Islam and tried to focus on religion to try and get through the emotional turmoil and Alhamdulillah I managed to pick myself up slowly over few years. But my feelings for my previous partner never left and I did not act upon those feelings until one day I decided to tell him that I still loved him and if the offer of him becoming a Muslim was there I would marry him.

A few weeks after telling him how I felt, he eventually told me that he was seeing someone and that he never thought I would come back to him and now what I have told him has confused him. He told me he still loves me, but he wasn’t sure if he could go there with me again because after I separated from my husband and started practising Islam – I was conscious that I did not want to commit sin and I wanted to live a halal lifestyle – I started to push him away – and in doing so I said many horrible/hurtful things to him because I did not have the courage or the strength to walk away from him because of my feelings.

Anyway, he asked me to give him time to think about what I offered, but giving him time meant allowing him to carry-on seeing his girlfriend. I agreed to this because I knew he loved me, but I also knew that I had hurt him a lot by getting married and then being disgustingly hurtful to him over a period of few years and felt I needed to show him that I was still the same woman he fell in love with. Anyways, things got messy, his girlfriend, his work and everyone found out about things that was going on with us to a point now he has broken contact with me completely and wants nothing to do with me, and absolutely hates me for how things turned out.

I feel ashamed at my actions, behaviour and I feel I have loved someone all my life and have been left with nothing because I tried to please my family, when I could have been married with children with a man I loved and now I feel so depressed, that not only am I divorced, nor do I have the man I have loved, or a family of my own and my behaviour has been so un-islamic.

I am ashamed, depressed because everything that has passed and also because someone I loved all my life hates me because of my actions and wants nothing to do with me now and I have forced him to build a new life with someone else! I feel because of my un-Islamic behaviour and sins, I am now being punished and that I do not deserve any happiness and I do not know what to do anymore? Or whether I should even tried and contact my ex to ask him to forgive me or just let him get on with his new life?

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23 Responses »

  1. Dear Hope,
    I wish I could say something to soothe your soul. If its any comfort, the EXACT same thing happened to me, except that I did not marry someone else. I left my boyfriend because he was not muslim, but then regretted it. When I went back to him, he had started seeing someone else. I was broken hearted. This man loved me, yet was so hurt by the fact that I turned away from him because he wasn't muslim. I approached it all wrong and should have been more gentle with him. He then found what he needed with another woman.
    Your heart is in a million pieces, your soul is shattered. So is mine.
    All i can say is that the loneliness and sadness may get better. Eventually, we have to accept what has happened. I firmly believe that if this man is written for you or for me, then destiny will work to bring us back together. In the meantime, life must go on. My heart and soul remain broken..I am still healing, or trying to. I pray a lot. I see a counsellor. I talk to God in the middle of the night and when I'm driving to work and before I go to bed.
    Although due to my age it may be too late for me to have children, I have to believe that God wanted someone better for me. You have to believe that to. Otherwise, what is there to live for, if you don't have hope?

    Be strong, my friend. Let's pray for each other.

    • 'Precious Star'

      I can see that you are hurting too as is 'hope', but do neither of you see or realise that have given so much importance to 'turning away from your non-muslim boyfriends', yet what of your 'turning away from Allah'? You talk to Allah and ask for help, but your goals and hopes still remain the same of wanting your non-muslim boyfriends to accept you again. Allah has made clear that as a Muslim woman you can only marry a Muslim, a 'real Muslim'.

      Please try to learn about what your purpose in life is. It is to obey Allah, which means following His Rules, not the rules of your own desires. Yes, life can be a struggle at times, sometimes we do end up making mistakes and falling, but to then persist in keeping the beliefs that brought us down in the first place; surely that will only drag one down only further.

      Sisters, try to re-focus your mindsets and pray to Allah to replace your hurt and loss with something much better and more spiritually fulfilling inshaAllah.

      SisterZ Editor

      • Listen to SisterZ, she's trying to knock some truth into your heads. As long as you keep pining for something forbidden, you will remain stuck, spiritually and emotionally. Allah actually did you a great kindness by separating you from your un-Islamic relationships. This shows that Allah cares about you and is trying to guide you to what is right. Respect that and be grateful for it.

        Wael Editor

  2. Salaam sister,

    You should pray and ask Allah to forgive.... dont keep dwelling on the past. You should focus on what you have which is your marriage. Dont contact this man every again it will only make things more worse. Have u ever given ur husband a chance to get to know him ? Marriage is a commitment and you should try your best to save it...Theres always a reason for why things happens and how they turn out. I know u might not see it now but there could be a benefit of not marrying such a person. Another thing is that u said he offered to become muslim when your parents were putting pressure on you to get married.

    You should marry a man who reverts to Islam because he does it for the sake of Allah not because he wants to marry you. This applies to muslim men as well. You shouldnt be so hard on yourself things may have been worse it you married him under those circumstances and what if he went back to his old ways because he never changed from his heart.

    I pray things get better for you.......

  3. Dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,

    I can see you are hurting alot and although you think you have seen sense as you are now trying to follow your deen, your thinking shows that you are still very confused, although you may not realise this. You said:

    "I feel ashamed at my actions, behaviour and I feel I have loved someone all my life and have been left with nothing because I tried to please my family, when I could have been married with children with a man I loved and now I feel so depressed, that not only am I divorced, nor do I have the man I have loved, or a family of my own and my behaviour has been so un-islamic."

    But, Sister, this man was not Muslim, so he was never a halaal potential for you; he would only have been halaal for you to marry if he truly accepted Islam which did not seem to be the case. You talk about your parents not accepting this man you were 'dating' because of his 'colour, background and race'. Firstly the concept of 'dating' in Islam is completely haraam/forbidden and secondly the 'concept of 'color, background and race' should not be barriers to marriage in Islam. Throughout your post you have touched upon the fact that he is not Muslim, but I can sense from what you have said, that this was never really an issue for you and still is not.

    If you sincerely want to sort your life out, you must break away from all the things that are diverting you from Allah. This includes breaking away from this non-Muslim man. As a Muslimah, you know that you cannot marry him; you can only do so if he truly becomes Muslim. Your way of thinking is what is bringing you down and getting you into messy situations. At the moment, all you can see is that you are in love and want this man back. But what if I was to remind you of something more important and that is of 'your purpose in life', in fact 'everyone's purpose in life'. It is to obey Allah - that is why we were created. Our goal is to follow the path that Allah has shown us through the Quran and to inshaAllah enter Jannah. If we make this our ultimate goal, then everything we do will be influenced by it.

    This is life is a test and you are concerned that your behaviour has been unislamic. However, you still have the opportunity to change your life around, but you must 'want to change', you must 'understand your real purpose in life as a creation of Allah' and you must 'be willing to take the steps towards changing'. Turn towards Allah and do tawbah. Allah says in the Quran in Surah Al-Zumar:53: "Tell them, O My slaves who have wronged their souls: 'Do not despair of Allah's mercy.'" When you have an urge to resume a relationship with your ex boyfriend, think about the enourmity of your sins and remember that if there are consequences for us during our lives, then there will be worse consequences in the hereafter. So leave the past behind you and try to look forward to a better future. I hope you will sincerely try to focus your life in the right direction inshAllah.

    Best Wishes

    SisterZ Editor

  4. Salaam,

    I don't feel any sympathy for boys and girls like the lady who has posted this comment. You were forced into marriage? When will girls in the west stop coming out with this garbage, everyone knows that there are services and organisations to help you.

    How can this woman come on to an Islamic site, claim to have reverted to Islam and still express desires for what is a man who belongs to another female now and that too whilst being married to some innocent guy.

    I hope Allah can forgive you for this sins because to be honest, those guys, both of them deserve better than you.

    Fix yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and then we you have fixed up, maybe then you'll be in a position to marry someone in the halal way whom you can love properly.

    How many times we hear people saying men are guilty of hurting women, here is a case where one woman has hurt 2 men and still has not learnt her lesson.

    We pray that Allah keeps you away fromt he shaytaan and from acts of zina (if not full zina). Oh Allah show mercy on us all on our Judgement.

    • I meant to say refound her faith, not reverted, my apologies and May Allah forgive me for this typo.

    • 'You were forced into marriage? When will girls in the west stop coming out with This garbage, everyone knows that there are services and organisations to help you'.


      I love reading your advice, because most of the time it's logic and straight to the point, buh i feel what you have said above is pretty harsh, there are services and organizations to help women (or men) who are being forced into marriage in every country, Still there are so many forced marriages being practised till date, Why is that ? because A lot of women (& Men) are mentally and emotionally pressurised so much by people who they love & trust the most, so naturally you feel it's easier to just give in because that's your family, your security, the people who you love, whom you have grown up with, my point is it's easier said than done 'everyone knows that there are services and organisations to help you' but sometimes it's just not a option.

      'How many times we hear people saying men are guilty of hurting women, here is a case where one woman has hurt 2 men and still has not learnt her lesson'

      I think that was rather judgemental, and pretty uncalled for,
      we should realise the fact that Alhamdulilah our sister is seeing sense and wanting to improve, she's confused to what's right and what's wrong, which is why she has posted her question, so someone could help her, not so she can be demeaned or insulted, Rather than judging her we should try and explain to her where she is going wrong, and how she could improve, so then slowly inshAllah she could get her priorities straight.

      We should never point fingers at Someone, because we are no one to judge anyone.


      • I read her post Sister and I do not see a person ashamed of her mistakes and she has openly admitted to them, she is asking us to console her and give her false hope (even if she hasn't directly stated that). I am brutal in my replies, but sometimes in life we have to be brutal.

        I am not judging her, she has clearly stated she's exploited the care and affection of 2 men (one of whom she had no business with in the first place) and instead of asking for forgiveness for her HARAAM relationship, she wants to be give pipe dreams about that same man?

        Time and time and time again we read the same stuff, these people know what they're doing is wrong. If this girl had not been in this relationship, she would have accepted the man her parents chose for her and learnt to love him. Instead, she's moping and feeling sorry for herself.

        Here is yet another example of how if we stay from haraam activities, it will not have a domino effect on us in life.

        You guys give the nicest responses to a person and maybe it helps them by lifting their spirits, but I give brutally honest answers.

        1. This girl needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and stop crying.

        2. She should plead for forgiveness from Allah.

        3. Then she should apologise to her ex husband for agreeing to marry him, he was clearly at no fault in this sorry story.

        4. She must learn to control her desires, these desires created with the help of the shaytaan.

        5. She must move forward and forget all her past and hope that Allah will be kind enough to conceal them that she may find comfort and love in a man who will accept her as his wife.

        • There is nothing wrong with being straight forward with your advice, however there is a difference between being straight forward and demeaning someone or being judgemental.

          Our beloved prophet (P.b.u.h) was the fairest to all people, He (p.b.u.h) never insulted or defamed people, He (p.b.u.h) was very compassionate, courteous, Patient & Pleasant with his advice, never harsh or rude.

          “It is a mercy from Allah that you were gentle with them. If you had been rough or hard of heart, they would have scattered from around you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them” (3: 159)

          "Those who have mercy will receive the mercy of the Most Merciful. Have mercy on those who are on earth, the One in heavens will have mercy on you.”

          This Is why it's so important to always be polite, compassionate and understanding in your advice, you attract more bees with honey than vinegar.

          "The most perfect believer in respect of faith is he who is best in manners"


  5. Dear Sister Z and Mohamed,

    I think your comments are slightly unfair and surely judgemental. I did not commit zina, and I've never had a "boyfriend" in the true sense of the word. I also do not feel like I abandoned Allah and my religion.
    Look, I am almost 40. All I ever wanted in life was to have a nice husband and children of my own. I lived a clean, pious life, worked hard at my job, took care of my parents. I prayed for years that Allah SWT would bring someone into my life. Years. I tried to find a muslim man. Instead, as I was nearing 40, I met a nice, kind, loving non-muslim. But I was impatient, i did not give him an opportunity to come to my ways. After years of prayer, I though God was tryign to show me that this was the man for me. I truly believed that with Allah's mercy and guidance, I could build a life with this man. When you are nearing 40, its not always possible or desirable to sit back and wait for for the perfect person. I tried a slightly different route to getting what I wanted. My intentions were always pure, my heart was pure.

    So please, be gentle with women like us. I tried my best, i really did. And I kept praying and asking God for guidance.
    I have a pure heart. My heart still loves this man. All I can believe is that Allah SWT brought him into my heart for a reason. Perhaps He was testing me and I failed that test. But please, don't be judgemental. I tried my best to be a good girl.

    I wish someone had taken me under their wing when I was younger in order to direct me to the right person. That did not happen so I lived my life in an honest pure way. Then this man came into my life and truly, I thought Allah was finally sending me a miracle after so many years.

    Yes, life is hard. But don't be harsh with us if we make the wrong choices. The reality is, I have loved, and lost, and may never have children due to my age. And yes, i will keep praying.

    • Precious Star,

      You may not have committed full Zina, but you have committed Zina of the eyes, tongue and ears. This is a grave sin too.

      You mention age, age does not deter away from the fact you should never have had this relationship with this man.

      Stories like these instill fear in me, they really do, as to how men and women allow themselves to feel this false love.

      Whether we judge you or not is irrelevant for you, it is Allah who will judge us all.

      You're nearing 40 you say, which means that all this happened whilst you were well into your 30s, I wonder why your parents allowed you to go on so late in life without a husband, is this not asking for trouble?

      • Mohamed

        You have hit the nail on the is for Allah to judge me, not anyone else. I have to plead to Allah for forgiveness, and rely on His mercy, which as you know from the Quran, His mercy is greater than His wrath. The purpose in coming to a site such as this is to seek advice from fellow muslims. You are right that it is irrelevant whether or not you - or anyone else -- judges me. So let's stay away from irrelevancy.

        All this happened when I was 39. Yes, my parents did not help me to find a husband. There is nothing I could do about that. They are now elderly. Again, i don't think it is your place, or anyone else's, to suggest that they acted inappropriately - everyone does the best they can. Living in a western country is much more difficult for muslim women than it is for muslim men. Like I said, we try our best. I have no doubt that every muslim commits "grave sins". Mine was to love. Do I think that my merciful Allah SWT will be harsh with me because I just wanted a husband and children, knowing that I had spent most of my adult years without such companionship? Im not sure. All I can do is pray.

        When you reach your middle years without a wife and children, then I'm sure your advice will be different.

        Sometimes, if one cannot offer advice but only hateful comments, then it is better not to say anything.

    • Precious Star,

      I did not say that you have committed zina and I did not judge you. You said that you wanted to marry a non Muslim man and from what you said, it appeared to be that you would still take him back if he made himself available to you. So I based my reply on that alone. Dear Sister, I know the feeling of being alone, there are many temptations out there - but that is the test right? Marrying a non Muslim man is turning away from Allah. If Allah had made clear in the Quran that Muslim women can only marry Muslim men, then how can the rule be different for you? I am not being harsh Sister, I am merely saying please try to re-focus your mind set.

      You are forty years old, but it is still not to late for you to marry. InshaAllah focus your mind in the right way and Allah will give you a husband who believes in Him(swt) alone. If you love your deen and were married, surely you would want your husband to worship Allah with you, to lead your Salaah for you, to arrange your Qurbani on Eid al Adha, to go for Hajj and Umrah with you, to pay Zakah with you, to listen to you reciting Quran and to recite to you, to teach you your deen and to learn from you. Surely you would want him to love you for loving and worshipping Allah, right?

      I wish someone had directed you when you were younger too, it is unfortunate as too often parents/elder siblings do not know what their daughters/sisters are going through. Trust me when I say this, but when the non-Muslim man left you and got married, that was a blessing from Allah. I say this because had you married him,it would not have been legal in Islam and hence had you had sexual relations with him, that would have been zina. We are all tested in life my dear sister and this is your test.

      I pray Allah gives you patience, guides you and keeps your heart steadfast on His beautiful deen. I also pray that Allah grants you and Sister 'Hope' with a spouse and offspring who are the comfort of your eyes and that your marriage leads you to pleasing Allah, aameen.

      Stay within Allah's limits my Sister and then even the most bitter of experiences will bring with them a taste of sweetness,

      SisterZ Editor

  6. Sister Z, when you are 40 years old, living in a non-muslim country, muslim men don't just fall from the sky. They just don't appear out of nowhere. I am living proof of that. I've never had muslim men interested in me.

    To give up my love for this non-muslim man, I had to be realistic and confront the truth that I may never get married and have children, I may never be loved and taken care of.

    Hence the heartache and sadness. When your soul yearns to love someone and yearns to hold babies in her arms, the heartache is terrible. Even for a muslim woman, the heartache is terrible!

    Thank you for your kind words.

    • As-salamu alaykum Precious Star. Maybe it's time to take a proactive approach toward finding a Muslim husband. Go to the Imams of the masjids in your cities and speak to them, and let them know that you wish to be married. They may know of someone good for you.

      Place a profile on a Muslim matrimonial website.

      Many major cities now have periodic Muslim marriage events where single Muslims can meet in a chaperoned environment. Try one of those.

      Speak to your married friends. They may also know someone.

      Take an active approach and don't be embarrassed. You are not seeking anything shameful or wrong.

      If you don't take these steps then yes, out of loneliness you will inevitably fasten your attention on one of the non-Muslim men around you, in your workplace, etc.

      Lastly, if you do meet a Muslim man with a good heart, accept him. My experience has been that some Muslim women can be very choosy when it comes to issues like income, nationality and race, so much so that they end up remaining single instead of getting married. I'm not saying you should settle for less than you deserve, I'm only suggesting that if someone comes along who has good character, fears Allah, and is kind and loving, that should be enough Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

    • Precious Star,

      I am not far behind you in age and I also live in a non Muslim country, but I have I never felt drawn towards marrying a non believer. I have never contemplated it and I pray Allah always protects me from ever contemplating it. Please do not take that wrongly, I am not at all trying to judge you. I just want you to understand that every man and woman yearns to love and be loved, be they Muslim or non Muslim, but being Muslim, our goals need to be driven by our deen. Of course its a struggle - but its part of the test of life.

      Khadija(ra) married at 40, things can still happen for you yet inshaAllah. Of course men will not just fall out the sky, so join a marriage bureau, a marriage website, attend some marriage events, go to muslim social events. Keep your options open, don't let a man's culture or age put you off. Look for a pious man who has good character and make dua. You have a good heart, Allah will help you.

      SisterZ Editor

  7. Coincidentially, I just read this article called 'Living Togther'. It does not talk about marriage partners, but instead about the company we keep - and when we are married, our spouses are our 'company'. Hence, I think it is very poignant to the topic of conversation in this thread. Please read:

    Living Together

    By Shaykh ‘Abdullah ‘Azzam

    You cannot live alone. Do not live alone, as the wolf eats up the lone sheep, and Satan is close to the one who is alone and is farther from two who are together. So, if you live somewhere, live with at least one other person, and this one person should be righteous.

    Friends are like a row of connected test tubes: if liquid overflows in one tube, the excess flows into the other tubes until there is an equal amount of liquid in all the tubes. Likewise, if you live with corrupt people, they will take away many of your good deeds, and you will decrease and decrease and decrease until you are all equal in status. You will definitely end up like these interconnected test tubes. A group of friends are all like each other, and the longer the friendship lasts, the closer the character and manners of each person in the group will be to the others. Do not believe that a good person can live for long with a corrupt person, unless the corrupt person improves and follows the example of the good person.

    This is why you should look for the good people, and a friend is like a chain: he will either drag you into Paradise or drag you into Hell. He will either cause you problems or he will help you solve your problems...

    After this, work on guarding your tongue, because most of the torture in Hell is because of the tongue. The Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "And will people be dragged on their faces into Hell because of anything other than what their tongues have brought forth?" (Tirmidhi)

    After this, work on making good use of your time. Do not waste your time. Always try to bring about some benefit from your social gatherings. So, if you see people talking about food, drink, telling jokes, etc., tell them: 'Guys, I read a story today to tell you about something that happened in Syria, or something that the Afghans did,' or say: 'What do you think about this hadith? I read the tafsir of this verse to tell you about,' etc. Benefit them in this gathering, and occupy them with something that will benefit them. Sit down together and read the Qur'an, read the biographies of the Prophet (pbuh) and the Companions, a simple explanation of the Qur'an such as 'Tafsir al-Jalalayn' - a simple, general explanation - and read a simple book of Fiqh, especially regarding how to pray...

    Work for Allah and stick together, and the more you work for Allah, the more your souls will become strong and rise, and you will ascend rapidly upon the path of those who are ascending towards Allah. I advise you to recite the Qur'an everyday, because the Qur'an is like water for a plant. It is the life of the heart, and the water and life for the heart is the Qur'an...

  8. reading some of these comments about the hardships of finding a marridge partner is so true life on this earth goes by so quick i am 44 i too tries for marridge after my divorce from a man who was of bad unislamic behaviour,i am a revert from a white christian brotish family the lack of support in the muslim community for reverts is a utter disgrace ,15 years in islam and i can count on 5 fingers how many sisters in islam i know most of them hide away like they are suspicous of you, you live in nomans land ,you have left the western life behind but as a revert in the west you are treted at times like a outsider in islamic communities you are like a orphan ,alife in the wilderness of utter despair as for marridge 4 brothers i met played games with me ,one was a sick pervert with mental health issues .recommended by a imman ,another told a brother that i was a woman with a past because iam divorced, some brothers too can be too choosy just like sisters placing unrealalistic expectations of what they want like they are buying a carpet or a car,it is allah who makes the right choice for us if he wishes to bestow on us a partner ,he always has the final say,life on your on is lonely when all you do is live a halal life and long to have a decent man with a good heart who is a good muslim,anyone who says they enjoy being alone over the age of 35 must have some disorder of the mind,because we are not meant to be alone,even gay people make partnerships even though it is forbidden ,so how comes its so impossible as reverts to find a parntner

  9. Assalam O Alaikum Sisters @Precious Star and Alison_Mably.

    Sisters, I was litterally on the edge of crying while reading your post and I pray to Allah Almighty to end your sufferings(Amin). Sisters, I can understand how difficult it is to find a suitable practicing spouse when you are a revert in a non-muslim society especially in Europe when you are in your late 30's or early 40's. Sister, it is so difficult to find the right person, personally I have been on websites like "Single Muslim" and "" for 3 years, attended different events and finally gave up on that. Not that, I have lost hope but I think this stuff is not for me. I am 28 and come from Pakistan. My parents are very chilled out and they don't bother at all so I thought there is no harm in trying but all in vain. Though, my parents know that I have registered on these websites or attend the events but they never encouraged me to do that. IN FACT I HAVE SUBMITTED A QUESTION REGARDING THESE KIND OF ISSUES OF FINDING LOVE, GETTING MARRIED, MY PARENTS ROLE ETC.
    All I am saying sisters, that women in general should not be choosy in their choice, only thing they should look for in a spouse is their righteousness, piety, off course their job if they can support you and a family, mental understanding, etc. Dilemma is that girls waste their prime age doing window shopping and chasing after idealism/perfection, charms, other unimportant things and when time is gone then they have to compromise because it's too late now. (it's not intended at anyone but just a fact).
    Personally, I have no idea, what Muslim girls of my age are looking for. I mean, if you are real and honest then your chances are slim. Being in UK for 4 years has made me realise that, non-Muslim European girls are more laid back, real and genuine but then you can't build your future with them unless you want to end up broken heart, miserable etc.
    At the end sisters I pray to Allah Almighty that he may end your sufferings and help you find nice practicing brothers for yourself. I wish if I could do anything for my sisters but don't worry my prayers are with you. InshaAllah, a prayer from heart with good intentions especially prayed for someone else never gets rejected but may take time to be accepted:)-. Allah Hafiz.
    Your brother in Islam MKS1982

  10. This is why islam makes zina haram. The life of someone who gets into dating (aka, a relationship without the commitment of marriage), is a path where commitment is not taken seriously. It might seem fun, but it just turns you into a blind, selfish person. We must understand that we should take the commitment of marriage to our FUTURE spouse seriously by not messing around with someone before getting married. People like to try to think that this lifestyle has no impact on our future, but indeed it has a big impact. Hopefully the original poster is able to find someone decent to settle down with, and has learned something important, so that perhaps she will raise kids to both understand the importance of islamic values and to live by them so that they will benefit. There's a reason for everything.

    To the original poster, don't regret not initially getting married to that boyfriend. He was never truly sincere about islam, and had you gotten together, you'd probably just be another muslim in name, and likely to have kids who would have no muslim identity. This is better for you.

  11. Allah cares about you. It is a blessing you did not marry that man. He's proven that he had no sincerity in accepting islam, and odds are you wouldn't be happy with him in marriage (sure the dating stage might have been fun) since you'd be living something of a lie. Pick up the pieces, and move on. Get more connected with the community, and insha'allah, you will find someone.

  12. Has no one heard of the phrase- God Helps those who help themselves.
    So lady marry the man your heart says is right and you are happy with - the rest of the world offers advice but it is you who will deal with the reality of it for as long as you live.

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