Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I cut off my bad friends, am I wrong?

Three Muslim boys from Sri Lanka

Three Muslim boys from Sri Lanka

Salam alaykum
I want to begin by telling you about my situation and then I will ask my question Inshallah. It is related to cutting off ties with friends. Please read the entire text as it is all important to my question.

For maybe about eight years (since I was around 8 or 9 years old), I had been friends with a group of people. They were born into Muslim families just like me with good family members, but me and my friends never did really care about Islam all that much at the time.

About 2 and a half years ago, I had begun to learn about Islam and began to follow Islam more. My group of friends seemed to edge to Islam, and one of them even had begun to go to hang out with me at the masjid. Then, as time progressed after that, we stopped going to the masjid together, and we talked about Islam sometimes and I kept praying and I think most of them were too, but it wasn’t like before. We became less strict about Islam as a group whenever we’re together and got more loose.

But throughout my entire friendship with this group they all said bad words regularly, backbited and talked about inappropriate things even though they seemed to edge toward Islam at the time, they were still seemingly loose and had a lot of bad habits which seemed to influence me. I did some of these bad habits like saying bad words and talking about inappropriate things and backbiting too, but I began working on stopping all these habits, though. They didn’t seem to stop those habits.

Time passed and we are in our mid-teens. One of the people in my group began hanging out with a girl and kissing her pre-maritally. Then, I found out a different person from the group had begun meeting a girl and had a pre-marital relationship with her, but he also told me he was doing sexual things with the girl, too (I don’t know if it matters, but he told me they were having oral sex and I don’t know if they had normal sex too). This meant that two people from my group were having a pre-marital relationship and one of them was doing sexual things with his girlfriend.

I wanted to stop the bad influence on me and I didn’t want to hang out with people that said bad words and backbited and talked about inappropriate things. The one from the group that was doing sexual things was the one I used to go to the masjid with, and I was really surprised because I thought he was the most religious, even though we stopped going to the masjid and became more loose.

So when I found out about this, I stopped talking to him. I slowly hung out with the rest of them less and less because I wanted to have different friends with a better influence on me, and then I cut off ties with the group. When I cut off ties with them, I began trying to ignore them, and I told them I just wanted distance and that I don’t feel like I’m a good fit for the group. They kept telling me to come back but I told them every time that I just wanted some distance.

But then I decided to apologize to all of them, including the one who was doing sexual things with his girlfriend. I texted them individually apologizing for cutting them off and I told them that I just want more distance away from them and I asked them to forgive me for the sake of Allah because I didn’t want to be punished by Allah.

They all told me they forgive me, but I felt like some of them didn’t actually forgive me, especially the one that was doing sexual things with his girlfriend. That one was telling me that I have just become a random person to him and he seemed to say he forgives me but I didn’t really know if he did. He also told me not to expect any conversations between us but he said we can still say hi if we see each other. He also told me he loves his girlfriend but I just said I’m not here to talk about your girlfriend I just want to apologize. I felt like he was mad at me.

I read online that in Islam if I apologize sincerely and someone doesn’t forgive me, I have done my part, so I don’t have to do any more. So, I thought if he didn’t really mean it and he didn’t really forgive me, I should just leave it because I’ve done my part.

I still try to talk to them sometimes on text just to ask how they are because I don’t want them to feel like I’ve completely cut them off, except for the one that was doing sexual things because like I said before he told me not to expect any conversation between us. I don’t text the rest of them that often but I’m always the one starting the conversation every time we do text. I just ask how they are and talk to them for a short time then the conversation ends. I also went on a walk with all of them one time after all of this just to see them, even the one that was doing sexual things with his girlfriend was there, but we didn’t directly talk a lot on the walk.

I don’t intend to see them again soon. I have a new friend that I feel is a much better fit for me. I’ve known him for about two years, but he only recently became my best friend. He began getting into Islam fairly recently. He is a seemingly very good Muslim, and when we are together we don’t backbite people or talk about inappropriate things or say bad words. He’s a good influence on me Alhamdulilah.

Also, one of the guys from my old group talks to me on text and we send each other Islamic posts but we still don’t hang out because when I used to hang out with the group he also used to say bad words and backbite and talk about inappropriate things just like the rest of them. I think they are still the same because it’s only been a couple months, but I don’t know for sure because I don’t see them as a group.

I intend to continue with my life and try to forget about my bad past where I used to backbite and talk about inappropriate things and say bad words with the group Inshallah. When my parents (who I love so much even more than myself) ask why I don’t seem to hang out with the old group anymore, I tell them I left the group because I am not a good fit for that group of friends, but I don’t tell them the bad things that the group would do because I don’t know if it would be considered backbiting the group since my family know some of the boys from the group.

Now I want to ask my question. I want to know, is there fault on my side right now? Am I wrong in any of this? Can I just continue with my life or is there something I need to do first? Am I free of these worries now?

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam, brother
    in shaa Allah here is a very important lecture that may help
    May Allah bless your efforts and continue to guide you.
    You did what you had to, Allah says save yourself and
    your family from Hellfire. You repented to Allah and
    warned your friends, now just keep them in your
    prayers and du'as. Only Allah can guide them.

  2. Salaam
    in shaa Allah may these lectures be helpful
    May Allah continue to bless you with righteous friends
    and guide old friends back to Islam.

  3. Abu Musa Al-Ash`ary (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows (or furnace). From the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad smell thereof." [Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

    You did exactly the right thing, brother. You protected your deen and your aakhirah. You should have NO regrets.

    Once when I was 13 years old, I was talking with a friend about an older boy who used marijuana. I said, "Maybe we should try it, just to see what it's like." My friend said no very firmly, and asked me to leave his house! That made a big impression on me, and I never raised the subject again.

    So who knows, your example might inspire your friends in the future, inshaAllah.

    Wael Editor

  4. Asalamualaykum Brother Kareem,

    You have gone above and beyond your call of duty as a friend. You have shown them that Allah is your master, and even apologized to them in the spirit of Islam, which teaches us not to be divided and encourages kinship. When Allah takes something away, He replaces it with something better, and perhaps this new friend of yours is the better thing. Inshallah your old friends will also find their way back to you through Allah's help, if they should be open to it at some point in the future.



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