Isthikhara on love before marriage
Salam everyone.
I've been asking questions and cant seem to find an answer which is simple. I've known this guy for about nearly 3 years and through out those years i've always explained to him that i didnt want to be a part of a relationship before marriage and that if we loved each other we wouldnt take one another to hell. It is because of me that he started praying and that he said i made him a better person as i lead him the right way.
We arent religious people, however i take my 5x prayers very seriously, fast, wear hijab etc. Recently he told me that we should stop being attatched to each other as everything i mentioned to him about religion has hit him and he said that he loves and cares about me that much that he doesnt want to be the cause of me sinning and that we should concentrate on our studies and how to become better muslims.
I agree with all this, however this was hard for me to take in as he is far from being religious, therefore i done isthikhara for about 3-5 nights.
I asked Allah if this person is the right person for me if so then show me some signs and i will leave it down to you and will not make any further actions, however if we arent meant to be then show me a sign so that i can let go of my feelings and lose all contact.
The first morning i woke up feelings positive on the 2nd or 3rd morning i specificly remember myself in a dream wearing a white wedding dress, holding my eldest brothers hand, i heard that if you see anything white or green in your dream it is positive and anything red or black is negative. In my dream I straight away spotted the white dress, kinda felt as if though i was awake but sleeping if that makes any sense. :\
After that I felt some satisfaction so i left it. however i still feel paranoid about the fact that what "if" he falls for someone else,( even if his intention now is to marry me, we're still young) and im left hanging? so i wanted to ask you to help me by giving me advice and your opinion of my dream. im very close to my mum and told her about him, my mum adviced me that i shouldnt be involved in any relationship and that i should leave it down to Allah, and shaythaan will only try lead me the wrong way and i totally understand that.
Also if i sacrifice my love for someone for the sake of Allah, will Allah destine us together? Or is it more likely for Allah to? I understand Allah does everything for the best but I love him very much and cannot see myself with anyone else in the future.
Pleasee help me. thank you and sorry for the essay.
- amani.a
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assalam alaikum
i think u shuld get married coz its the best solution marraige vill not lead u to distraction u can study as well
i find no problem if u get married and your parents can find u better solution
may Allah guide u to the right path
Sister it's good ma-sha-Allah that you pray regularly, fast, and wear hijab. This devotion to the rituals of our deen is commendable. Now you need to extend that Islamic awareness to your personal relationships and your behavior with this boy.
I read your question two or three times and I'm still confused. You said, "I asked Allah if this person is the right person for me."
Right for what? There is no istikhara for something forbidden. You cannot pray istikhara to find out if you should keep him as your boyfriend. The boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not allowed in Islam. That includes spending time together alone, talking about idle things, flirting, etc.
Your dream is really quite clear and it has nothing to do with the color of the dress. Hello, sister? It's a wedding dress. The color is not the important thing. The dream is telling you that if you want a halal relationship with this boy, marry him. Period. You don't have to sacrifice your love for the sake of Allah as you said. Just get married.
If you are not quite ready for marriage then get engaged. Everything should be open and known by the families.
If you are not ready for this, then stay away from him and protect your deen and your honor. Nothing good will come from continuing a secret relationship.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salams amani,
i can kinda see where you are coming from.
you are praying istikhara to decide whether you should abandon your feelings for him and get on with life or if you should continue feeling for him without maintaining contact, am I right?
the latter will be really complicated and if getting married now is an option, I would advice you to do so. make sure that his intentions are the same as yours! maybe you, your mum and him should meet up and discuss what is best to be done. hopefully allah will make it easier for you. i really really really hope so. inshalah.
and concerning the fact that you can't see yourself with anyone else in the future: i'm kind of in the same situation atm. however when i broke up with him (in the sense of no contact at all - without telling him that i'm breaking up tho, just acted busy. :-)), after missing him terribly in the first few weeks i kinda got over it. it's still hard and he's still on my mind, but unlike before i notice other guys' qualities now. i've NEVER expected thaat to be possible! still, i hope we get what (who) we want. inshallah. may he choose the best thing for us. he knows best. 🙂
keep your iman strong sister, ask allah for guidence and forgiveness and always be sincere with yourself and allah. you'll be alright - i'm sure of it! 🙂
x
Asslamwalaikum.....
my question is i like a girl we have been togeather for the 4 years now. we are very far from each other and we just met two times but we speak to each other every day and be in touch with each other. she has brought some positive energies in me. i used to skip prayers now been more inclined to prayers and fasts and beeing more religious. i like her because she is very islamic and religious my intentions are to marry her an lead good life in of way Islam. but these days she is a little depressed she says she saw dream in which i m getting maried to another girl and she attending it and she feel she is being ignored by me. and the truth is she knows i have never done that and wont do that that and she knows that very well i want to knw the meaning of her dream... please help...
Please remembe me in dua..
Asslamwlaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barkatahu
Wa alaykum as salam, Mohammad,
I think that you should go to her directly, and ask her about her fears. Please be as sensitive and patience as you can, that way she may feel confident to be able to translate her feelings into words, ....I hope this will help you, insha´Allah.
All my unconditional Respect,
María
jazak allahu maria...... requestig your prayers......... hope everything goes well.
sryyyy... requestin dua ..... pray for me....
Salaams Mohammad,
I will, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) guides your steps for the best for you two and all of us to the Straight Path. Insha´Allah.
María
sir one girl every night comes in dream is it possible that i can also come in her dream as well . if so then what is the solution to merry her.
Salaam, Khan,
Please log in an ask your question as a separate post. As a short answer, try to live your life fully when you are awake and make your decisions based in what you experience during the day, dreams many times are just dreams.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor