Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage problem

hourglass

Aoa i want to ask that I am married for two years to man in UAE. My problem is that I am not happy with him since first day. I never developed any feeling for him. As time passed by, i got rude with husband and he did the same and my inlaws were never kind with me.

My husband tried to establish conjugal relations with me but could not do so.Then he never tried with me again and said that because i do not have a pleasant attitude with him, it turns him off. I sometimes asked him about it but he delayed the matter saying that i am not settled with him. He also did not have enough time for eating out etc and makes me eat with his family on sundays.

I want to ask you if my marriage is valid and i should live with him or not? Is all the problem with me as i am living life like a zombie. I do not feel comfortable with his family either. All are busy in their lives and just taunt me. Please advise me on this issue fast.

moona


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6 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister Moona,
    If you hare unhappy with someone - particularly in a marriage - I would advise you to talk through things calmly with him without involving his parents or your own.
    If by you doing so causes an argument between the two of you and things start getting worse, such as he starts to use physical violence toward you and starves you or anything as such, I strongly suggest you to tell your parents and ask for help.
    As your sister in Islam, I can only tell you that I am no scholar or anything but just someone who wishes to guide people if the need arises...such as you...
    If you have any queries about anything I have written, please do not hesitate to ask me because I will always be there.
    Jzk

  2. OP: not happy with him since first day....... never developed any feeling for him. As time passed by, i got rude with husband and he did the same. My husband tried to establish conjugal relations with me but could not do so.Then he never tried with me again........

    You both need to go see a sex therapist. How can you have feeling for him if there is no intimacy involved. I have feeling sexual problem started long before you got rude and your attitude may have little to do with it

    • Salam,
      I sort of agree on this point, although I think that sister Moona needs to go back to her husband and say she wants to start over, then make an honest effort to be nice to him, with the aim of intimacy in mind. Without a good attitude, and a little intimacy, no relationship can last. I don't think the sister quite needs a sex therapist, but she needs to establish phyiscal contact such as a pat on the shoulder first, then a smile, then a hug, then a kiss on the cheek, and keep working at the little things each day until something happens. And if she keeps trying long enough, against her own feelings of hate, something is bound to happen to both of them; maybe the husband starts looking at her nicely or maybe she realizes he is actually handsome in his own way. In these types of stiff relationships it takes a lot of working on small physical actions and forced good attitude to make it work, but it is possible.
      Salam,
      Shereen

  3. Asalam Alekum

    What i do not understand is...
    That you all gather as a family together on Sundays.
    This day is for Christians..
    Why just on Sundays?

    What we also do not know is if it was an arranged marriage or Love marriage, if it was arrange marriage what made you be attracted to him?

  4. Why weren't you happy with him on the first day?

    • i dont know.We did not have much compatibility.i felt lonely and my husband has some ed problem.He never discussed it and now i have disclosed it to family.If i go back they will be hard on me. I have opened his secret.

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