How should a Muslim deal with cheap people?
Hi,
I am a 20 year old student, male. I would like to know how is a Muslim supposed to deal with cheap people who don't feel guilty or have any shame in taking advantage of you? Since my school days, I have always been a target of other students. They called me names because I was not smart enough, I was fat, and I am not good looking. All this has made me a person with low confidence.
In college, the students in my class were mostly non-Muslims. They talked about cheap things and drank alcohol, etc. I am an introvert myself and they did it probably because I didn't connect with them and I didn't hang out with them. For those reasons I was the outcast, and many of them talked behind my back and called me gay, even though I am not. I just don't think they were worth it for me to explain anything to them, but the name callings didn't stop.
I thought by just focusing on studying and getting good grades, one day these people would at least respect me and stop the name calling. I got good grades in my pre-university program, but I still didn't get respect; I just got a new label: nerd.
Now I am in university and I thought I could start over, but unfortunately some of the people from my college are in the same university, and they keep bothering me. They just don't seem to understand no matter how much I try to avoid them, that I don't like them. Instead they call me arrogant. I still try to avoid them as much as possible, but I get the feeling that they still talk behind my back and call me names to their friends. They have broken me personally.
-jericho
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assalamualaikum brother. Hey man trust me don't worry about those guys or people because at the end of the day is all about graduating with a degree not to make friends. Those guys or guy that is messing with see something in you that he wish he had, trust me. Just be your self brother. Wake and pray tahajjud to get these guys out your life, make dua. assalamualaikum my brother
I can completely relate to you as I have been through the same thing.
One advise I give to you is be yourself, do your studying. You dont need people like this in your life. Allah is with you always.
People always want what they cant have so to make themselves feel better they find the need to hurt someone. Don't let people interfere with what you need to do remember Allah grants all wishes to those who ask sincerely and may it become easier for you. Before you know it when you pursue your career you will find confidence and become a better person inshAllah.
i'd recommend watching a video by Omar Suleiman caled the ugliest sahabi.. the title does seem blasphemous but its a bout a sahabah who was bullied by people because of the way he looked.. and how the prophet elevated him... it was soo sad but soo beautiful and inspiring!
Also, don't expect respect from anyone.... respect yourself foremost and people will respect you.. 🙂 and seriously beauty is found internally.... and who said fat people arent attractive lool!! and "fat" is subjective who knows maybe your actually skinny and you just have a brick hard paradigm youve taught yourself is true... and tbh podgy people are great because they give awesome hugs...(seriously)
im not sure if its any help...... but to be honest even when people say forget about your past or forget about what people are saying to you.. it isnt as easy as that and its really hard... but try your best to avoid them.. and the best thing to do is to stand upto them.. to show you are not a doormat and you will not be treated as one... you are a far better person than them... and it will be a daunting at first and it may make the problem worse.... so maybe istikhaarah is a good idea.... aaah my ambivalence truly sucks
I wish you all the best.... and remember Allah tests those he loves the most..
The Sahaba's name was Julaybib.
"Julaybib was a martyr and one of the less known companions of Muhammad in the early Muslim community. His name was acquired prior to his acceptance of Islam and is considered unusual and incomplete. In the Arabic language Julaybib means "small grown" being the diminutive form of the word jalbab, indicating that Julaybib was small and short, even dwarf-like. He was also described as being damim, meaning ugly, deformed, or repulsive.
Julaybib's lineage was unknown and there is no record of his parents or what tribe he belonged to. All that was known of him was that he was an Arab and that he was one of the Ansar in Medina.
With Julaybib in mind, Muhammad went to an Ansari man and said: "I want to have your daughter married." "How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of God and what a delight to the eye (this would be)," he replied. "I do not want her for myself," added Muhammad. "Then for whom, O Messenger of God?" asked the man, obviously disappointed. "For Julaybib," said Muhammad. The Ansari went to consult with his wife, telling her of Muhammad's desire for their daughter to marry Julaybib. His wife was repulsed, and protested saying "To Julaybib! No, never to Julaybib! No, by God, we shall not marry (her) to him."
While the Ansari was preparing to inform Muhammad of what his wife said, the daughter hearing her mother's protestations, asked: "Who has asked you to marry me?"
Her mother communicated the proposal for her to marry Julaybib. Upon learning that the request had come from Muhammad and that her mother opposed the idea, she was immensely perturbed and retorted: "Do you refuse the request of the Messenger of Allah? Send me to him for he shall certainly not bring ruin to me."
She was married by Muhammad to Julaybib and they lived together until he was killed in jihad.
Julaybib participated in an expedition with Muhammad in which an encounter with some polytheists ensued. When the battle concluded, Muhammad asked his companions: "Have you lost anyone?" They replied giving the names of relatives or close friends who were killed. Another group answered that they had lost no close relatives whereupon Muhammad said, "But I have lost Julaybib. Search for him in the battlefield." They searched and found him beside seven enemies whom he had killed before meeting his end. Muhammad went to the spot where Julaybib lay and standing over him he said, "He killed seven and then was killed? This [man] is of me and I am of him."
Sources
Musnad Ahmad, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (from Wikipedia)"
Saba,
Jzak Allah for posting this .I think lot of people don't know about this .
In this busy world ,Your efforts towards answering questions and putting people's mind towards right Islamic direction (in most of other posts too which I have read )is commendable .Jazak Allah
I totally agree MasAllah well explained thank you
Jazak Allah Br. Logical and Sr. Samina,
May Allah improve our understanding and help us to learn correct things from one another. Ameen.
Just to clarify to Sr. Samina, I can't take credit for how well it is written/explained, the source is listed at the bottom.
Plss can u provide me link of this vedio? Or where can i get it? Or what to type is search option?
Assalam alaikum,
Google: Omar Suleiman Julaybib
OR, I believe this is the video, but I didn't have a chance to watch it first, so hopefully it is right, inn shaa Allah.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0faaRIW1bJo
Assalam alaikum,
Think of your life as following a path that orbits. As you continue on this path orbiting, its centre should be Allah swt. Do not make these people or their opinions your focal point. Make that decision right now and don't look back. You don't need many people to tell you that you are right, you just need to know it yourself.
May Allah ease your pain and help you to focus on what is important in your life, Ameen.
It's interesting how different cultures translate different things... when I read "cheap people" I thought you meant financially cheap. Turns out you meant cheap of morals and values.
Well, you're in University now. There's no reason that people should be transferring child-like behaviours to an adult environment. I guess you have a few options:
1. talk to them, see if they'll stop.
2. talk to some authority in your school, get help for it to end.
3. present yourself in a somewhat aggressive and intolerant manner towards their abuses to make it stop.
4. let it continue and hope everyone just "grows out of it"
5. leave for a different place.
These are really the only options you have. I would suggest first, you talk to them. Second you talk to someone else to help you. The reason I say this, is because if things ever get to the point that there's confrontation, then you have someone in an administrative position on campus that's already aware of your issue, and can speak up and say that you've been experiencing problems with these people and have been proactive to go through the proper channels to make it end. That also speaks to just WHOM in an administrative position you should be approaching... namely someone who WOULD step forward should anything else occur. So be picky about who you approach and make sure they're easy to talk to and an advocate for your cause.
I know this next step no one is going to agree with me on, but just because we're muslims does not mean we believe in just laying back and being a victim, like "I'll suffer in this world and just wait to get my rewards in the next." No one should be telling you it's your Islamic duty to endure abuse, because it's not. If you have done the first two things and it hasn't worked, I suggest option 3, and make it clear to these people that your time of being a victim is Over. Make sure it's in a somewhat safe place so they don't take physical aggression out on you as a last resort. Make sure other people... important people... can see and hear what's going on around you, so that there's some kind of security, and also make sure not to use curse words or threaten violence, or anything else that could make you the villain. Your goal is to stand up for yourself, because I know these people only prey on those who allow themselves to be preyed on. It's not your fault, just because you're a kind and gentle soul doesn't mean you deserve to be picked on, but it seems these people know you, know what you will endure, and feel that due to the process of events thus far, they can continue to use abusing you as an outlet for their own frustrations. It's because there's no price to be paid for doing so. You don't stand up, and no one stands up for you. That's what needs to change. Stand up straight, speak clearly and intentionally, dress in a way to be taken seriously in an academic environment, and make sure faculty of the University are aware of the situation and support you. That's the best way to get these people to realize that now abusing you is not a "free stress-reliever" for them.
After that's done, move on with your life and ignore them. Act like they don't exist. If they revert to their past activities, revert back to yours. That's what adults do, to handle situations like this with the appropriate amount of pressure while maintaining a sense of maturity.
It might also be a good idea to preoccupy yourself with other, positive things to keep them off your mind. Chose something that supports your success in school, like a study group or an activity that runs parallel to your major or makes you money or gets you some kind of credit, or just helps you learn. The less you think about them, the more invisible they'll feel. Trust me.
Good luck,
Moose
I think you got enough pointers in the previous post. The perspective from a female and male muslim perspective may be a little bit different. In this situation, I believe my husband would advise my son to stand up for the bully in the first place and I will tell my son to report to the teacher and don't cause a fight. I know my son will choose to stand up for himself and regards going to the teacher is only a final solution or a sis sis behavior. (He is only a middle schooler!)
Here's are some examples of the confrontation to the bully that my husband has coached m son. Rules is to SPEAK LOUD and CLEAR AND WITH CONFIDENT, LOOK THEM AT THEIR EYES AND SHOW THEM I AM NOT SCARE OF YOU. "What do you want from me? Listen carefully, I do not want to fight you but you'd better step back and mind your own business. I am a better person than you. What you are saying is nonsense and you are only a coward to keep bothering people. Pick you own fight, you are not worth it for me to fight you. Find something better to do except repeating yourself. You are just so boring and like a old broken record! " The purpose is to embarrass him or shame him for what he does. Then walk away from these people. I understand it may not work for all people but it helps for you to voice out your stand.
About your self image, if you are really over weight, you may want to watch what you eat and learn to eat fresh and healthy. Don't go on diet, learn from the professional advice, e.g doctor and nutrition specialist. May be it is good for you to pick up a self defense as a work out and strengthen your self confident..
Focus on your study, get a good grade and inshallah you will have a great future better than these bullies. Take the advice from the above sisters and brothers. Attend your local masjid or youth group or volunteering, it helps to ease your depression. Take care, my brother.
I know this is going to sound very simple, but it is quite simple: don't listen to the gossip people spread about you, nor worry about what anyone thinks of you. If someone wants to think of you as a snob, then let them think that. I don't see how that label is that bad, anyway. Plus, how are their opinions of you going to really impact your life? Are they the ones who will take your exams for you? Pass or fail for you? Are they the ones you go home to and have to deal with in your privacy? Are they providing for you? Paying your bills? Paying for your tuition? Paying you your wages? No. So really, they are insignificant. Mashallah, you work hard and attend Uni...so keeping yourself away from bad company has only done you good. Keep doing it.
In life, people are always going to have an opinion of you. If you really had to take them all in to account, and be bothered by them, then you could spend your entire life doing just that. Besides, if these people are such people, why would it matter to you what such lousy people think of you? If I were to get upset, I would at least be upset by the words of someone with a good character, good morals and values. Not people who are trash.
Focus on your side of things and meaningful to you, do they have 1 thing to offer you. Make dua for their peace and focus on their side and move foward because either way it is irrelevent to you. Be patient with a good patience.