He doesn’t practice Islam but wants to meets my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. I am confused;
Ideal Muslim Husband
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am a muslim woman of 26 years. I would like to marry a male, who was born a muslim. His father was is a muslim man and his mother a mixed race female.
Due to his parents separation at a very early age, he did not learn how to be a proper muslim. He does not practise salaat or read quran. However he believes in Allha (swt) 100% and has studied not only Islam but also other religions. He has sat with scholars to learn more too.
He has no problem with what I practise and understands it all. I do not want to force him into anything, as I believe this would be wrong of me.
Nevertheless I am still concerned as to what my father and family will say. I am so confused as he wants to get married and settle down. He wants to meet my father and family.
Please help
- aidas
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AS Aida you say you are concerned about what "your father and your family will say" that's ridiculous, how about what you and more importantly Allah SWT will think. Do you want to marry a man who will not practice, teach your children to practice or vacillate in their belief in al-Islam? Practice and belief go hand in hand, I can know all about al-Islam but if I don't perform the duty of praying, then I am not reminded of Allah SWT 5 times a day.
I don't know why you're so excited about someone who is less than practical for your choice of a good Muslim spouse. Considering your two main concerns are your family and more specifically your father, I feel like you are marrying to escape a strong cultural pressure to marry in a certain way. You should check your intentions at the door right now before spending years of uncertainty and hurt with a man who may not treat you well, know his or your rights (or your childrenchildren) in al-Islam, and ultimately not raise good Muslim children.
AOA Sister,
You need to at least be doing the following:
Maintain very limited contact with this man as you are strangers to one another and thus must not exceed the limits which can lead to improper things taking place.
If you believe him to be sincere in his faith, then he for Allah's sake alone, must improve his knowledge in terms of fulfilling his basic duties. Firstly learn to pray, the content, actions and timings. Then at least study the Holy Qur'an in English.
What position is your family and father with regards to an Islamic way of life? Their perspective on matters, such as him being of mixed race parentage. Not that it should be a factor, but some people are uncomfortable with this. It is important to get your parents blessings. Also how is it that you know this man and have you been introduced in a correct manner or have you come to know him through free mixing? This will be telling on his character. Your parents at the end of the day, will want a good muslim man who does not transgress the limits.
Or at least, you will want to provide them with as few negatives as possible if you want to marry him.
Sometimes those with great knowledge do not live truly by what they know of, and that can be a testamnet to their devotion. However, one can also argue that if someone claims to sincerely love Allah, they will do their best to meet the criteria of being a faithful muslim.
In summary, prepare your parents for a meeting and advise this man to pursue his study of Islam. This he must do so for Allah's sake and his own desire to learn, rather than for the sake of marriage.
May Allah guide you in this matter,
R