Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Atheist Family Will Disown Me if I Convert to Islam

Hi guys,

I'm really hoping someone can clear things up for me. I am a non-muslim female and I have been in a relationship with a muslim man for 6 years. He has met my family on many occasions whereas I am a secret from his family.

But hopefully this will be changing soon. I have been reading up on Islam, as I told him before I convert I want to know what my new religion will be like. Islam is something I would love to be a part of but like my boyfriend we have grown up in a western world, he doesn't take his religion seriously, he only prays at eid, occasionally drinks and of course is in a pre-marital relationship.  He told me if I convert, he will learn with me, and we will do salat together etc. But I am sceptical about converting, because if I do it is likely my atheist family will disown me.

My family love my boyfriend but have told both him and me that I am not converting as my mum and dad both hate "organised religion" and do not want me to be "forced into it", I have spoke to them about it and my dad said it will happen "Over my dead body". I just don't know what I should do.

My boyfriend's family would want me to take things seriously as would I, but there is one thing I most definitely will not do and that is circumcise our sons (if we have any) as I think it's cruel and unnecessary. My boyfriend told me that will cause upset in his family and if I refuse his parents will not be happy. I know i'm getting a little ahead of myself but surely if I'm going to join a religion I have to go along with all aspects of religion and culture. Should I convert and go against my family, or should I accept that this relationship will not work?


Folly of atheism

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10 Responses »

  1. I agree with Lamars comments entirely. Sadly it's true that some men regardless of religion are completely conscienceless when it comes to how they treat women to get their own way ie he is using you to meet his physical desires and will dump you as soon as he finds a suitable girl from his race and culture. You most likely would find yourself heartbroken, betrayed and abandoned and perhaps only when he fights with his wife once in a blue moon he would come to cheat on you both to fulfill his physical desires.

    What kind of a life would that be? Islam honours women. Your boyfriend is not islamic in his actions towards you, I mean 6 yrs and no family involvement? That's really sad.

    If you would like to become muslim and be honoured by a truly islamic gentleman then please do your research, dump your boyfriend and have nothing to do with him unless he expressly marries you with his whole family and extended family, friends and community present.

    Find yourself a good Muslim man, through the mosque community who will be proud to share his family with you. Please do not convert solely for him lest God forbid you end up feeling resentment towards the most beautiful religion that offers peace and happiness forever.

    I have a friend who knows a convert sister in a similar situation who tried to commit suicide only 2 weeks ago because after 3 kids her husband abandoned her and married a woman of his race and culture who he is happier to showcase.

    Any questions please do not hesitate to ask.

  2. Getting into Islam is voluntary full heart... You can marry him without converting ... Only Muslim women cannot marry a non Muslim man... Allah will show the way for both of you

    • Why are you making out like Islam favours men more than women. If you're gonna leave a vague contraversial comment like that then please explain or else it can be seen as Islam promoting inequality

      Even for men who choose to marry a non Muslim can't just go and marry any non Muslims. Criterias has to be met before anything such as she needs to be a follower of one of the Abrahamic religions and she must be practicing. And this girl is an atheist so therefore he can't marry her

      But more than anything this brother before he thinks about marriage he needs to fix himself by stop drinking, stop all of these haram thing he does. And he needs to start praying for the sake of god and not for the sake of his gf. He undermines the religion now so how the hell is a marriage gonna change that

  3. You need to be true to yourself. The real reason why you wanna convert is to be your bf and not for the sake of the religion. You don't even believe in God then next you wanna become a Muslim and let's be honest you didn't exactly meet some extraordinary pious Muslim man.

    You can't just follow a religion and then pick and choose what you wanna follow.. Anyways the odds are stacked against you, you're under immense pressure from family, friends etc so why persue this marriage that will not work out.

    If he ain't changing now then he will never change. What he's telling you is just selling you a fantasy of a perfect relationship that you guys can have

    Truth is he can't marry you.

  4. You should never convert to Islam for this guy. Convert to Islam only if you believe in it.

    As to your boyfriend, he might have legitimate reasons for hiding the relationship from his family - ie its not allowed in Islam, so don't automatically believe what Lamar and Khadija have said about him, it is without foundation.

    Of course, you don't have to convert, he can marry you if you're Christian without conversion. There is also no need for you to tell your parents if you do eventually decide to convert and also no need to wear any hijab - Islam only requires you to dress modestly, the headgear is only a recommendation and not compulsory. The hijab recommendation in the Quran only applies if you're going to be harassed by men if you do not wear it, whereas in the west, you probably will be harassed for wearing it in which case, the essence of the guidance in the quran recommends you don't wear it as it advocates you to do what will lead to non-harassment.

    As to circumcision, its not compulsory for males in Islam to be circumcised though it is highly recommended. You should read upon the health benefits of circumcision. As to it being cruel, its no biggie, just burns a little for a few hours and then is eventually better in a few days. Without circumcision there is all this gunk forming under the foreskin which is no good, especially for women.

    • “Islam only requires you to dress modestly, the headgear is only a recommendation and not compulsory. The hijab recommendation in the Quran only applies if you're going to be harassed by men”

      The comment you made is false. I would be very careful. You are not a Islamic scholar. You have a wrong interruption about hijab in the Quran. Hijab is a requirement. What do you mean harassment by men?

  5. Dear Carley, you mentioned that Islam is something you would love to be a part of. I encourage you to continue learning about Islam and continue converting to Islam, whether things work out with your boyfriend or not. Do it because of the truth Islam contains, and the beauty of the faith.

    I cannot say that your family will not disown you. Families react badly sometimes to such major changes. But I do think that once they see that you have not been brainwashed and have not changed you who fundamentally are as a person, they'll come around.

    Wael Editor


  7. Assalamu
    I hope this finds you well, Well sister in this world there's allot of people with different perspectives,standards, point of view,thoughts and ideas but i want you to know this isn't the first time it happens to people .Doubts, Even in the time of the prophet Muhammad it once occurred to a young companion of the prophet called - Mus'ab ibn Umair being him a young,rich man coming from a powerful lineage, His story is big
    but i recommend you to search even in the you-tube about the HISTORY OF MUS'AB IBN UMAIR.

    Mus'ab wanted to convert into Islam and he's afraid of his mother why because she will disowned him but not afraid to lost the wealth, he is focused on what he'll achieve next and all the wealth will be left behind wholly mus'ab didn't look through worldly materials instead mus'ab think about what will come out of his new religion

    He doesn't tell anybody that HEY i'm going to be a Muslim or so.,
    People realize it by his good conduct and some believe him but not the wealthy , wealthy mean doesn't want to loose their status
    even the daughter of the rasul ( Zainab) who's the first to enter the religion her husband isn't a Muslim but she'd been patient
    till he turn his heart from doubts to Allah - History of Zainab the daughter of the rasul.

    you see islam is based on social,time,activities and all you could think of it's consisted by Allah he didn't made Islam from our
    hearts what we can do and what we cannot do but he made it simple to only those who didn't think otherwise when things
    are related to his religion ,

    it'll be a big mistake to disobey your parents,
    it's a big achievement to convert you yourself and your parents into the religion as well
    but you can only do so with intellect not by heart.
    The worse is disobeying Allah.

    did you know the history of ABRAHAM- PROPHET IBRAHIM ? his father is a known muslim and how did you think he'd tried to talk him out of what his decisions,peoples advise,wealth or source of income are . they'll never allow you be who you want to be
    ,. One big task that Satan usually pulled at all known Muslims begins with



    year in Islam we want something from you which is Strong believe
    and i can promise you if you do as Zainab the daughter of the Rasul did you'll be elevated not even in this world
    THE KEY TO VALUABLE LIFE IS TO STOP ALL DEVILISH ACTIONS AND I PROMISE YOU YOU CAN ASK ALLAH FOR RAIN AND IT WILL RAIN,My sister many people will hate you do all they could but as long as your heart is focus you can be the best woman in the world , Allah will provide you with friends,families and all that you need

    Ahmad (22978) narrated from Abu Nadrah: Someone who heard the khutbah of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) on the second of the days of at-Tashreeq told me that he said: “O people, verily your Lord is One and your father is one. Verily there is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man, or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of taqwa. Have I conveyed the message?” They said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has conveyed the message.

    Al-Bukhaari (5990) and Muslim (215) narrated that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say, out loud and not secretly: “The family of Abu Fulaan (the Father of So and so) are not my friends. My friends are Allah and the righteous believers.”

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

    The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was speaking of a clan that was closely related to him, and pointed out that mere lineage did not make them his friends; rather his friends were Allah and the righteous believers of all backgrounds.

    1- you've being with your man for 6years sure i know you didn't know his side effects because he'll never show it to you while been a girlfriend but before you make everything crystal try and know him,understand him but don't ask him about it just take a close look at whatever he do and want to do but don't stalk.
    Well i'll have a good news for you where Allah says
    One of the main characteristics of Muslims is that they have a great love of Allah, Allah’s messengers and prophets and for all Muslims who seek Allah’s approval. This bond of love and friendship between believers is revealed as follows in the Qur’an: “Your friend is only Allah and His Messenger and those who have iman: Those who establish prayer and pay alms, and bow.” (Qur’an, 5:55)

    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.” (Muslim)

    “Among Allah’s servants are people who are neither prophets nor martyrs, but whom the prophets and martyrs will deem fortunate because of their high status with Allah.” The Companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Inform us of who they are.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told them that they are people who loved each other for Allah’s sake, even without being related to one another or being tied to one another by the exchange of wealth. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) went on to describe their great reward on the Day of Resurrection: “By Allah, their faces will be luminous and they will be upon light. They will feel no fear when the people will be feeling fear, and they will feel no grief when the people will be grieving.” Then he (peace and blessings be upon him) read the verse: [Behold! verily on the friends of Allah there is no fear, nor shall they grieve] (Yunus 10:62). (Abu Dawud)

    [Close friends on that Day will be foes to one another—except for the righteous.] (Az-Zukhruf 43:67)
    Loving one another for the sake of Allah, and brotherhood in faith, are among the most excellent acts of worship. This sublime love entails some conditions and duties that must be fulfilled so that the relationship remains pure and free of base undercurrents. Upholding these duties brings a servant nearer to Allah and to His pleasure and, over time, it can bring about a greater nobility of person.

    These duties include the following:

    Both parties must truly love to extend support and assistance to each other and must love good for one another. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “None of you will attain (perfect) faith until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

    They must enjoin each another to truth and patience, and give each other sincere advice. They must enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and guide each other. They must help one another in carrying out works of righteousness. Allah Almighty says,

    [Surely, the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience.] (Al-`Asr 103:2-3)

    [The believing men and women are protecting friends of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong.] (At-Tawbah 9:71)
    They must engage in the things that cultivate this love, strengthen interpersonal relationships, and facilitate the fulfilling of their duties to one another.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A Muslim has six rights over another Muslim.” They asked, “What are they, Messenger of Allah?” He said, “When you meet him, greet him with salam (Muslim’s salutation meaning ‘peace’); when he invites you, accept his invitation; when he seeks your advice, advise him; when he sneezes and then praises Allah, invoke Allah’s mercy upon him; when he falls ill, visit him; when he dies, follow his funeral” (Muslim).

    A Muslim has the right to kind treatment from his fellow Muslim. He should be greeted with a smile and given a pleasant reception. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not view any good act as insignificant, even the act of meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim).

    They must guide each other to what is good, and help each other in acts of obedience. Likewise, they must prevent and discourage one another from falling into sin and iniquity.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One should help his brother, whether he is an oppressor or the one being oppressed. If he is an oppressor, forbid him from his oppression. If he is being oppressed, then come to his aid” (Muslim).

    The love between them shines in a most wonderful and genuine manner when the two are away from each other and each of them is in secret prayers to Allah for the other. This continues for the living one even after the other has departed from the earth.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A Muslim’s supplication for his brother in secret is answered. At his head an angel is appointed, and whenever he supplicates for his brother with something good, the angel appointed to him says, ‘Ameen, and likewise for you’” (Muslim).

    They must excuse each other’s mistakes and defend each other’s honor, never speaking ill of, or deriding each other. They should keep each other’s secrets, advise each other sincerely, and never abuse each other. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “It is not permissible for one Muslim to distress another” (Abu Dawud).

    i'd seen many people here telling her not to convert to islam good choice for all of you and my QUESTION TO IS

    sometimes i am glad to know geology while been by the side under the guidance of Allah because such will make a person believe everything pops up by it's own which doesn't make sense
    the exact thing is we're all muslims historically but all the scientist doesn't want to tell people later along the days we change our religions by not following what our religion directed us to do as she said her husband insha'Allah is a muslim but hadn't pray which made him a known muslim as her but if she manage all the
    enmity to convert her and her husband to islam and be a strong believer though western islam is too weak whereas people just read the qur'an directly without going to a scholar for the tafseer rather understand the quran as they usually read their novels which bring chaos to their brain and mind as you said you're sincere in your words then i'm sure you'd spent most of your time explorring the religion which is what will made you see the full visualization of all what been a muslim is all about th i assure you your hatret will all banish .
    hatret is from satan

    he told you if you marry him he'll change well i tell you that word doesn't come out of his mouth but Satan, there's only one thing which is after your conversion you learn and teach him because i rather have a good mother than to have a pious father . Because Allah has given us a clear example of Prophet LUD alaihis salam who's a messenger and his wife is the cause to all the corruption in his nation
    Search the history of prophet LUD

    And in islam mothers or married women's prayer is accepted at that exact time- let me give you an example of a mother
    who prayed to Allah for guidance to her Son which Allah granted her you'll be hearing most of the Hadits originated from AL-BUKHARI ,AL-BUKHARI.
    the man is blind but his mothers prayer made him who he is and Allah gave him eye sight
    the question is where is he now ? check out the history of
    You can be a muslim without informing anybody who's going to be jealous and hasty about it,and then you keep it to your heart performing righteous deeds Allah love those who made a secret between themselves and him and that's when they'll sit you down and ask you i'd seen you change,impressive.

    2-Be nice to your parents and don't tell them surprise ; i'm a Muslim no it is a mistake rather you should convert to Islam without them knowing and whenever you're with them be at your best behavior for them to experience how the Islam is
    what it teaches and not to be saying mom is time for prayer no , don't do that be gentle nothing comes easy and so quick .

    Don't wear minicab for them to say oh she is a Muslim but wear covered cloths to hide all your auras because it's says Allah Wears Hijab too, hijabuhunnur (light)

    when offered a pork don't say Islam forbid eating it but say Thank you
    when offered wine don't say Islam has forbid drinking wine but say thank you
    music - just leave the place without saying oop
    Allah said for everything you should say Alhamdulillah ( Suratul Fatiha )

    your parents wont disown you only if you didn't play a roll of a good muslim woman by following the way of which to show kindness,good heart to people even if you're angry don't let anyone know and see what is in your heart by your face,mood as said in Suratul Hashr 59;15

    Have you not considered those who practice hypocrisy, saying to their brothers who have disbelieved among the People of the Scripture, "If you are expelled, we will surely leave with you, and we will not obey, in regard to you, anyone - ever; and if you are fought, we will surely aid you." But Allah testifies that they are liars.
    You [believers] are more fearful within their breasts than Allah . That is because they are a people who do not understand.

    They will not fight you all except within fortified cities or from behind walls. Their violence among themselves is severe. You think they are together, but their hearts are diverse. That is because they are a people who do not reason.

    [Theirs is] like the example of those shortly before them: they tasted the bad consequence of their affair, and they will have a painful punishment.
    [The hypocrites are] like the example of Satan when he says to man, "Disbelieve." But when he disbelieves, he says, "Indeed, I am disassociated from you. Indeed, I fear Allah, Lord of the worlds."

    So the outcome for both of them is that they will be in the Fire, abiding eternally therein. And that is the recompense of the wrong-doers.
    O you who have believed, fear Allah . And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow - and fear Allah . Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.
    And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.
    Not equal are the companions of the Fire and the companions of Paradise. The companions of Paradise - they are the attainers [of success].
    If We had sent down this Qur'an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah . And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought.
    He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, Knower of the unseen and the witnessed. He is the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
    He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, the Sovereign, the Pure, the Perfection, the Bestower of Faith, the Overseer, the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Superior. Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him.

    He is Allah, the Creator, the Inventor, the Fashioner; to Him belong the best names. Whatever is in the heavens and earth is exalting Him. And He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.

    We're all dead why because known is going to last for another 80years known. and Allah says

    Why will you do things to please people that will never help you in the hereafter

    [53-61] (O Prophet,) say, "O My servants,
    70 who have wronged their own souls: Do not despair of Allah's mercy: surely Allah forgives all sins: He is the All-Forgiving, the All-Merciful.

    71 Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you, and then you may get no help from anywhere. And follow the best aspect

    72 of the Book sent down by your Lord, before the scourge comes down upon you suddenly while you are unaware, lest afterwards someone should say, "Alas for the negligence (in duty) I showed towards Allah! Indeed, I was among those who mocked." Or: "Would that Allah had shown me guidance so that I too would have been among the righteous!" Or, when he sees the torment: "Would that I could get another chance so that I also should be among the doers of good!" (And then he should get this answer:) "Why not! My Revelations did come to you; then you denied them, and showed arrogance, and you were among the disbelievers." You will see that on the Day of Resurrection the faces of those who have invented falsehoods against Allah, will be blackened. Is not there in Hell enough room for the arrogant? On the contrary, those who have adopted righteousness here, Allah will rescue them because of their means of success. No evil shall touch them nor will they grieve.

    1-i swear by the dawn
    2-And by Ten nights
    3- And by the even and the odd
    4- And by the night when it moves
    5- Is there(not) in such an oath (enough assurance )for a man sense ?
    6-Have you not seen how your Lord dealth with (the people of Ad
    7- Of iram, the men of tall pillars,
    8-The like of whom were never created in the lands,
    9-And (How He dealth) with (the people of ) Thamud who had carved out the rocks in the Valley (of Qura),
    10-And with Fir'aun(Pharaoh), the man of the stakes,
    11-Those who had rebelled in the cities,
    12-And spread a lot of mischief therein,
    13-So, your Lord let loose on them the whip of torment.
    14-Surely your Lord is ever on the watch.
    15-As for man, when his Lord tests him, and thus gives him honour and bounties, he says, ''My Lord has honoured me.''
    16-But when he tests him,and thus straitens his provion for him, he says, ''My Lord has disgraced me.''
    17-No; But you do not honur the orphan,
    18- And do not encourage one another to feed the needy.
    19- And you devour the inheritance with a sweeping gulp,
    20- And love wealth,an excessive love.
    21-No;When the earth will be crushed thoroughly to be turned into bits,
    22- And your Lord will come, and the angels as well,lined up in rowa,
    23-And Jahanam(Hell), on that day, will be brought forward, it will be the day when man will realize the truth, but from where will he take advantage of such realization?
    24- He will say, ''O Would that i had sent ahead (some good deeds )for (this) my life;''
    25- So no one can punish like He will punish, that day,
    26- Nor can anyone shackle like He will shackle.
    27-As for an obedient man, it will be said to him,) O'' content soul,
    28- Come back to your Lord,well-pleased, well-pleasing.
    29- So, enter among My (special) servants,
    30- And enter My paradise.''

    You should marry him if you don't have contempt in you not in him even if you're contemplating you should stop because doubts are from Shaytan who made us believe that we've a choice in this life while all the choices we need are what Allah said we should do and what not to do and shaydan is of many human,in materials, in everything that you couldn't imagine he is

    it is good to have children my sister and i see no mother who is willing to see her own kids get hurt while she's capable,able to stop it- When kids were born parents circumcise them it is not islamic or anything it is the best thing to do
    to protect your childen and islam is based on any good thing. the prophet said it years ago( Circumcision ) and now check out what science quote from what the prophet has said

    the reason why men are circumcise is because in a mans body his manhood is the most part of his body that perceive
    80-95% blood so as long as you didn't redecorate it i'm assuring you that your kids manhood will be smaller even when they reach 80 it'll not grow and i'm a witness to that

    did you know what is ( SEA LAMPREYS )
    lichen scierosus
    blanitis xerotica obliterans

    I KNOW YOU DON'T, WELL IF I'M MANA gist you about it is that phimosis or it causes an unknown sickness mostly it can stop a kid from having kids by destroying his reproductive organs

    Lichen sclerosus is a skin disease of unknown cause, commonly appearing as whitish patches on the genitals, which can affect any body part of any person but has a strong preference for the genitals (penis, vulva) and is also known as balanitis xerotica obliterans (BXO) when it affects the penis. Lichen sclerosus is not contagious. There is a well-documented increase of skin cancer risk in LS, potentially improvable with treatment. LS in adult age is normally incurable, but improvable with treatment, and often gets progressively worse.\

    circumcision is very important if only you want your kid to be able to get married otherwise they need to adopt or use laboratory to produce babys and if you suggest a surgery to cut some of his thigh to increase it then his manhood will not erect as expected which result to his mother causing him to be unhappy about his life even maybe he'll commit suicide no one knows .

    i see many men at their age going to the hospital for circumcision and i am sure you don't want your kid to grow up without circumcision because at his age the level of pleasure's going to be reduced to 10 to maybe 18 parentage so Ma'am that chop-up is life.
    So you need to reconsider to Chobobit up ; just the tininini. amazing thing is i'd got brothers who's born circumcised
    and mostly circumcision is traditionally based not only for men but including women thats why the women will be healthy and men too , it distance a person from been so dirty because of Smell and some other bacteria

    MY sister if you convert to islam you'll learn allot and it is impressive because everyday they'll teach you some part that you'd never heard off or pay attention to and that's when you'll make effort in been a good muslima and to be able to know who you really are.

    people will all die one day and what they do in the life of this world will be their result in the day of requital and there you can't
    complain to the creator by saying his message hasn't got to you my sister the best thing in this world is never make people happy while your creator is not happy about you though you becoming a muslim will not make your lord happy because he is the one who gave you the opportunity of realizing that he's AL-MALIK.
    be nice to your parents though you're in different religion and pray for them till Allah bring light to their hearts .

    Couple of Years ago i'd talk to an American who has exactly same situation and hers is much more stunned to the extend that she's been disowned by her parents but then we'd got a man from egypt who married her do to her prayer that is why i told you to marry him because making him a better person will get you a status from Allah and he'll unite you too in paradise and Allah said he will give you two shade in his shade it being a day where there's no shade but his shade.

  8. OMG! we actually have the same issue, well almost. I am also a non Muslim. My boyfriend is very true to his beliefs. But still we are in a premarital relationship because I am still learning Islam. I believe that converting to Islam for marriage is a social structured condition. The main reason for converting to Islam is that you believe in Allah and that's literally what being a Muslim means. I grew up in a country where the word Islam and Muslim has a lot negative image. As for both of your families, they can live you but All will not. The real question is, who do fear more the people around you or Allah who give you life?

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