Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry a white Muslim

I'm a 17 year old girl brown and Muslim and I am in a 4 months relationship with a guy that's 15 and white Muslim. I have never had a boyfriend before and would hate to be single. I'd always talk to other boys for time pass but then one day I came home and I see this boy in my driveway with my younger brother. He's best friends with my 13 year old brother and the day we met each other we were both attracted to one another. I had no idea he was Muslim until I found out his name and I even made him resite some stuff from Quran to make me believe him. So basically we were attracted to one another he would always come over talk to my brother and stuff but he was one of them gangster people that try act cool and rap all the time.

My mums friend knows him and says he's not a good kid because he was dogging it once with her son. So my mum started to dislike him and think he wasn't a good influence. He then brought his sister over and stuff and my mum started liking him. Then soon after that day my neighbours got cheeky with his younger brother and being a normal older brother he obviously backed his brother up and my neighbours dad punched him. So my boyfriends mum called the police and my younger brother was seen as a witness.

This is the main reason my mum and dad hate him because the police came over. At this moment they don't know me and him are in a relationship. We started talking and he told me how much he liked me and so on. I thought he was younger so I didn't think of anything of it but I soon realised how I also developed feelings and was attracted to him. He then asked me out and I said yes as I thought it would only last a week or 2.

It's now been 4 months and I do see a future with him. My younger and older brothers know and so do my cousins. My older brother thinks I'm mad and dumb because he says my parents will never approve of him not only him being younger but also him being white he says it's a big deal because it'll never work out. He says my mum will be devasted if she finds out and I know it will hurt her but in the Quran it says  the prophet was married to Khadija 15 years older than him and also that you can marry a white guy as long as he's Muslim. In Islam it's allowed so I don't see the problem.

He is a well trained Muslim he goes to Jammat ever month. He's learning the Quran by heart. He reads namaz and his mum is also very religious she's also white but wears a scarf and abaya.

I know I'm too young to think about marriage but if I see a future with him I need to be able to tell my parents. I know my mum will not be happy and she won't agree but if it's allowed in Islam it shouldn't be a problem ? I can't help the way I feel about someone! And I know he won't leave me I know how much he cares about me. Before we even met I was lookin for someone and he came into my life out of nowhere literally! There was no way we could of met.

I feel as if we are meant to be and if we r not it will end itself! What should I do? Should I stop before stuffs get even more serious or keep going and see how it goes at the end of the day it's my life? If it's allowed is Islam legally why should if she wrong ? I understand it's culture a girl with a white Muslim looks bad but it matters about being Muslim ? He's also 2 years younger which means by the time I finish uni he will start it. I don't mind waiting if I have to just as long as they give me permission. I don't know what to do?

I don't want to tell my mum right now coz I know she will say no because we r still young and he's still to sit his first exams in high school. His background is also very different from mine as he's a gangster type of boy always rapping and stuff. But he is mature also he's got a job at he age of 15 and he's been through a lot of stuff which isn't fair on him. My brother and cousin were saying how my family will react to me marrying a white boyfriend even though he's Muslim people will say stuff and that stuff will be forwarded to my mother not me. This is why I'm worried because people will say stuff to her and not me and she dosent deserves that. At the end of the day I do care about her a lot but I can't help the way I feel about someone and it's allowed in Islam it should be ok! Yes I know she dosent like him she thinks he's a bad influence but he's still young and so am I we both have our life ahead of us. I know I'm thinkin ahead but before it gets longer I'd rather know what to do. At the moment I feel I should just keep it going and see how it goes if its meant to last it will and if it's not something will end us. It's all in allahs hands now because I know he came into my life for a reason.

Pleass help me and give me advice I'd really appreciate it!

Thanks!

Nz123

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum sister Nz123,

    You say:

    "Should I stop before stuffs get even more serious or keep going and see how it goes...

    I don't mind waiting if I have to just as long as they give me permission....

    I don't want to tell my mum right now coz I know she will say no...

    I know I'm thinkin ahead but before it gets longer I'd rather know what to do...."


    You sound like a smart girl and you are asking all the right questions MashaAllah. As scary as it is to do, you need to share this with your mother. Not only will she find out about it anyways because your brothers and cousins all know, but if you really think she is going to say "no," she will say it regardless of whether you tell her now or later. The difference is that if you tell her now and break relations with this boy for the time being, you will be saved from much heartache and pain down the road due to having relations with him. If you are willing to wait anyways as you say (and realize that that could mean several years), you may as well tell your mother about your feelings and express your interest in doing things the right way for the long run. That will give you best chance.

    May Allah ease things for you in this matter.

    Best,

    Nor

  2. assalam alaikum
    sister i think you should do more research about him.by his friends and his family members her mom is also white you say and she and her son is muslim right so as far as concern about him you should do istakharah
    i mean you should directly asks allah to show you that he is right person or not in your dream you easily find out i mean not only in dream there more ways to to do istakhara allah tells you that if he a right choice or a wrong choice second thing as far as concern about marriage islam gives complete right to both women and men to marry any one on their own choices regardless of what their mom and dad or whole family says.
    but also i don't mean that you should leave your parents for your love but i say one thing do istakhara and make dua for your self,your family and for him and for his family regularly.i know few people who goes to jammat and believe me they are most awesome,honest,beautifull,humble people ever i found on this earth.
    i love them after my parents.so i tell you if you know him completely then make dua and go ahead.

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