New Muslim being questioned by family about Islam
Muslim converts often face challenges from family and friends.
Assalamu Alaikum,
This is my 2nd post on this site and I hope someone can help me with my problem.
I very much appreciated all the responses to my last question, that I felt I would ask again for similar advice.
My problem is this: I have converted to Islam in the last 3-4 months and I have been trying to learn the Arabic required for the daily prayers. In doing so, I have made quite a lot of wonderful Muslim friends on Facebook and they have helped me so much.
I have also 'followed' a lot of different Islamic 'websites' and have found a lot of information there too. For reference, I live in Australia and have found we are getting far too bigoted, and there is so much hatred and violence here towards the Muslim community. I'm ashamed to live in this country anymore!
My own family (mostly distant family on my daughter-in-laws side) and 'so-called' friends on Facebook, have decided to 'unfriend' me because they think I am getting too involved in Islam and anything to do with Muslims.
Because of this, I have 'unfriended' a lot of my Muslim friends and they are probably wondering 'why?' But, I have still remained 'friends' with at least half a dozen, and I have no intention of 'unfriending' them to please other people. Am I wrong for that?
My son, whom I love very much, came over the other night and started 'questioning' me about the fact that I am thinking about doing the daily 'prayers' and he even questioned me because I read the Qur'an!! Why? It's a Bible - what's wrong with that?!
He said some of his friends 'questioned' him about it, too. But, he said he has told them they don't know me well enough to comment. I don't appreciate people 'talking behind my back,' so to speak.
I also told him that I was 'forced' to go to church when I was much younger, and to be honest, I hated it!! I have finally found something that makes me happy!! He just doesn't understand at all!!
To me, Religion is a 'personal' choice - not what someone else wants you to do.
He even said himself, that he knows NOTHING about Islam - so how can he question me if he doesn't know anything about it!! Do I have to 'answer' to my son? I know he is only looking after my welfare. I appreciate that.
Someone tried to 'scam' me 2 years ago from Nigeria and that is one of the reasons my family are worried. Yes, I have several friends I talk to on Skype & Facebook, but they have all been 'checked out' and it has cost me a lot of money to do so.
They would 'delete' me as a contact also, if they didn't trust me, too!! So, it goes both ways, I think.
Now, when I talk to friends and family, it is always at the back of my mind, whether they are just being 'nice' to my face, or talking about me 'behind my back.'
Here we call that being 'two-faced.'
Can anyone please give some advice on how to handle this - or am I the one doing something wrong?
Anything would be much appreciated.
whalesong
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Salaam sis,
I am glad you are a muslim. I was born and raised Muslim. To answer to your story, in life, if something does not make you feel the way you should, then removing your friends on Facebook is okay but me personally, I would not remove them rather ignore them.. You dont have to go to face book all the time, there are other things more important than Facebook. Read the Holly Coran, there are so many you youtube that can change your life for the better
As for anyone who does not accept you then they are not true friends. When you said "if they pretending to be nice in your face and you dont know what they will say or act behind your back.." this is something that has always existed, muslim or not.. people will always say something in your back (good or bad). Don't worry about the ones that delete you if you have 5 that did not delete you then you stick with those. At least Allah will never delete you.
As for the scam, I do not understand what happen, now that you know, you've learned your lesson.
Please forgive them because Allah wants us to forgive. As for your son, I am not sure how old he is or I might have misread his age. The best thing is for you to let him read muslim stuffs that you choose and he will gain knowledge, I have a 15 years old son and I constantly let him read something about Islam for 30 mns at a time or listen to something on youtube another way to learn.
Finally, try to be positive and confident, you are in the right track.. the truth will always come out!
May Allah continue to guide and protect you and your son.
Assalamu Alaikum,
Thank you for your reply Amssa. Your advice is very much appreciated!!
I'm sorry I didn't say 'how old' my son was in my post. He is 32. He is married with 2 daughters, aged 8 and 6. I will say that he did 'stick up for me' with friends and family who wanted to 'unfriend' me on Facebook. He told them they 'didn't know me well enough' to judge me.
I told my son, that I will not apologise for reading the Qur'an and I will continue to read it. I love to read the Qur'an as it makes me happy. He is still very much against me converting to Islam though. How can he be against something, if he knows nothing about it?!
I've found a great video on YouTube by respected Muslim scholar, Ismail Menk. I am going to ask my son to watch it. It's actually an interview which runs for around 40 minutes or so. Maybe he'll understand, then.
As for the 'scammer' 2 years ago. To cut a long story short - He said he was from Madrid Spain, widower with a 7 year old son. He seemed to be very 'genuine,' so I had no reason to think otherwise at the time. This went on for around 3 months, until things he did or said just didn't 'add up.'
So I had his phone number 'checked out.' Yes, the phone number was 'genuine' but the email address he gave me wasn't. It turned out the scammer was actually from Nigeria - he just purchased the phone in Spain.
He did ask me for $1,000 via Western Union - which, by the way, he never received!! I give no money to anyone on the internet. No matter 'who' they are!! I caught him 'out' so he wasted his time with me!!
It did 'scare the hell' out of me, at the time. It's very easy to spot 'scammers' since then.
Allah does give us 'trials' to see how we handle them. I know who my true friends are now and I'm grateful for that.
So, again, thanks very much for your advice.
whalesong
Asalam alaikum sister,
MashAllah you want to be a Muslimah, may Allah swt guide you to the straight path.
I like what sister Amssa said "Allah will never delete you." Its true. If you're reading Quran then remember it says that we must fight in the way of Allah. This is not just physical, but a mental jihad for our own peace of mind.
If someone has a problem with your prayers, your hijab, your iman..then let it slide off your back like water off a duck. Allah only gives us as much we can handle. You don't have to please the people who dislike Islam. Anyways, from what you said they're your daughter's friends on Facebook, not your best friends. As long as YOU are a good person to others, then it's not your fault if someone/ unbeliever gets hurt by your religious decisions.
Converting to Islam is a big step, and just like going from sitting to walking, everything has to change. We change our lives to fit Allah swt, not the other way around.
Hope I helped,
Shereen
Salaam Shereen,
Thanks for your advice. I like to answer replies, personally.
My son may question me - but my daughter, who lives in the U.S., understands so much more. She studied Islam as University as part of Sociology, although she is not a Muslima, herself. So, whatever I say to her about Islam, she understands it and is very happy for me.
She says it is my business and has nothing to do with anyone else, what my religious beliefs are. My son 'does' stand up for me though.
I class my Muslim friends on Facebook and Skype as very good friends, indeed. Much more honest in a lot of ways. Yes, there is good and bad in all 'Races'.
Maybe it takes something like this for me to realise just 'who' my friends really are!
For me, I'm the kind of person that takes things like that 'to heart' and it's hard for me not to, sometimes.
Allah helps me find the 'right' way, despite that.
I have never regretted converting to ISLAM and I never will.
Thanks, again, for your advice.
whalesong
OP: Someone tried to 'scam' me 2 years ago from Nigeria and that is one of the reasons my family are worried. Yes, I have several friends I talk to on Skype & Facebook, but they have all been 'checked out' and it has cost me a lot of money to do so.
Why are you paying money to get people, so called friends, checked out? Be careful about people who say they want to marry you. Some people just marry to get citizenship or legal Visa.
To SVS,
Why am I paying to have 'friends' checked out? Because it is better to be safe, than sorry, again!!!
No - nobody is offering marriage or anything else. They are just 'friends' - nothing more, nothing less.
It does take for a person to be 'scammed' once. Then, you are so much 'wiser' after that, believe me!!
I was far too 'trusting' of people back then - I have since learnt otherwise. I was one of those people who said "it will never happen to me." But, IT DID HAPPEN TO ME!!
I have only 6 Muslim friends and the rest are family and friends of the family. Four of them are married with families of their own and are lovely people.
Did you mean, because they are Muslim, I am not at risk or should not have checked them out?! Makes no difference what country you come from - or Religion, everyone is at risk from 'scammers' at some time.
I hope they have done the same to me - to make sure 'who' I say I am, is true, too. Trust goes both ways.
Until you 'have been scammed' you will NEVER know what I mean!!
It gives me 'peace of mind' knowing that the people I chat to ARE who they say they are!
Congratulation for becoming muslimah .May Allah make everything easy for you and give hidayah to your kids also ..