Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents do not approve the man I wish to marry




i am very upset and need solution of my problem. I'm muslim alhamdulilah and wana marry a muslim guy, he is of good character and very noble God fearing person. I'm neglected one, find no care in home and living a stressful life for many years, i find him very supportive.

In my past when i was 15 in school, i was abused by a teacher. I don't tell my parents and keep my relation strong to Allah. I leave that person after knowing that he was using me. I was too innocent at that time and no one even my mom and sis tell me the bounds of relations.

I was too upset with my life and sincerely repent to Allah for all my mistakes, doing hijab and do my prayers. I was forced for that i wasn't willing to do. Now i tell my past to a person to whom i wana marry. He respect me alot and forgive me for my mistakes which i have done in past.

I thanked Allah that He give me such a good person who sincerely wana marry me. But my dad dont like him and he don't like that i love someone and marry with person of my choice. My mom know all my situation but do nothing for me. His family also like me but my problem is still unsolved after a long wait of 7 years.

I wana marry him. Plz tell me what can i do. Waiting for your sincere reply

fe amanAllah

- Arush

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2 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Why is it that you feel your father does not like this man who has come to ask for you?


  2. Salaams,

    I think with you having being taken advantage of in the past, YOU especially should not rely on your own judgment when selecting a husband, not that you should be doing this on your own anyway.

    It's too late now, but it was unwise of you to share your personal history with this man regarding the abuse from your deviant teacher. You would have been better off talking to a female counsellor. Vulnerable people easily 'fall in love' with a person who shows a willingness to listen to their problems and a sympathetic ear, especially as your family have not cared for you as you say. However, you cannot base a relationship on this. I'd say you are being taken advantage of again.

    A lone woman is already defenceless in the first place but you have made yourself even more of assailable by sharing your past abuse. You say he is a good Muslim and so on, but we all know that relationships outside marriage is haram, so that's not so good of him is it?

    Imagine from your father's point of view; his little girl grew up, went off and found a man for herself. It's not simply it being your choice that your father is not approving of, but the fact that you've gone and met a man and developed a relationship of some kind. We must not imitate the style of the unbelievers. Your father will be going out of his mind thinking how have you come to love a strange man and how you may have spent time with this man. Your father is not going to trust the guy and how he went about the matter- what exactly has been going on for 7 years??

    Let your parents do the searching and do you should not be alone in the company of any man. Then ideally your parents can give you the freedom of agreeing or turning down a suitor.

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