Re-engaging a person as cannot forget my feelings for him
Assalamoalaykum,
I am a sister from asian country. I have a question regarding my feelings to my ex-fiance. I was engaged for 1 and 1/2 year and which was love cum arranged. I realised my fiance had already some picture of girl he would like to marry, even he had talked about this to me. Now, during this 1 1/2 year i realized he is very strong with his wants of which kind of qualities I should have in me (as the girl he liked previously had them). I was compared many times and which disappointed me many times. One day it was enough for me and I told my parents about this, want to break relation and they broke this relation.
Its been a year but still I have feelings for him. i am confuse, my parents show me alliance but I feel that my ex-fiance was not in fault and I made some mistakes by leaving him and opening his secret to society even. I am sorry for that but now he is not willing to take me back.
I have met one person who claim's having Mawakkal ( kind of Jinn) with him. He asked me that it will cost me around £100 and he will do some work/prayer that my ex-fiance will come back to me and we will live happy ever after.
Now, I am confuse that is that ex-fiancée right for me? Is he worth of re-engaging to him. and is doing such act of prayer with mawakkal ( similar to jinn) is allowed and worth if I love him. I have been through this situation from a year and now so tired that I think my life is waste. i have been to some physical relation with him. I want to repent what ever I did, though what he did was also wrong that(1) he was still in contact with the girl he liked. (2)He used to compare me with her and (3) he had told me about his feelings for her in past but not present. He used to say they are just friends. He was harsh on me and was very confuse about marriage.For him money and worldly profits were very important, which was opposite to me. I at time of break-up thought I will forget him but I couldn't I want to know was i at fault? What is this feeling I have still in me to get him back? Is it just attraction and I should move on or Shall I try to get him back? Taking help of such person who claims he can do it for me( I have his experience about my study that he asked me to recite Surah yasin for my visa and that helped me) ?
Please reply me and let me know which path i should go. As marrying someone else is strange thing to me. I am afraid he will be worse than him.
Jazak Allah khair,
Maheen
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ASSALAMAL;IKUM
SEE YOUR CASE IS TOTALLY ON INFATUATION CASE......
ISLAM ALLOWS THE GIRL AND BOY TO SEE FOR SELECTION NOT FOR ATTACHMENT AND THEN MARRIAGE LIKE YOU TOLD IT IS ARRANGED AND LOVE BOTH IN YOUR CASE.....
YOUR 1ST STEP IS OUT OF PROPORTION SO IT IS VERY WRONG TO STICK TO THAT WRONG MOVE YOU DID MUCH AGAINST ISLAMIC RULE FOR MARRIAGE BECAUSE EVEN CORRESPONDENCE IS NOT ALLOWED WHERE IS THE QUESTION OF YOUR ATTACHMENT BEFORE MARRIAGE LIKE YOU HAVE EXPLAINED-
Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
SO PL FORGET THAT INFATUATION PAST AND THINK ON ISLAMIC LINES TO GO FOR A PERSON WHIO IS DEENDAR[RELIGIOUS]AND SETTLE IN LIFE....
THIS PERSON YOU TOLD ABOUT
I have met one person who claim's having Mawakkal ( kind of Jinn) with him. He asked me that it will cost me around £100 and he will do some work/prayer that my ex-fiance will come back to me and we will live happy ever after.
ANSWER SI HERE IN WHICH SEE THE ANGER OF PROPHET SALALAHAUALAIHIWASALAM-
Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]
PL ASK HIM TO TAKE POISON AND DIE RATHER THAN GETTING UP WITH THE GENTILES AND PAGANS ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT AND IF YOU MINGLE WITH HIM YOU WILL ALSO GET UP WITH HIM BECAUSE WITHOUT A CUSTOMER HE CANNOT PRACTICE HIS EVIL DESIGNS IN THIS WORLD SO YOU WILL BE ALSO EQUALLLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CRIME OF HIS WHICH IS CALLED KUFFAR.....
Assalamoalaykum brother,
I also thought that it is wrong as I saw one lecture of maulana Zakir that if person asks for money then that is not right about any concern but just is a business.
secondly, I know u call it infatuation. I have some questions. I am not saying that I want to date him or want to make him boyfriend. I really WANT to marry him. I had LIKE to die as his wife. Its not about physical needs but I WANT to be with him in a halaal way (as his wife). Is it still called infatuation? I am concerned as its been one year but still I dont want to marry anyone else but him. I still cry that I am not his wife or I wont be his wife. I have change in my life style also after this incidence I dont like to mingle or do anything. Kind of in depression. Sometimes think of suicide but I dont commit it as I know its haraam. Will I still need to forget him?
And one more thing, is it ok if I dont marry any one else because I am not marrying him. I know it is not that right but I dont want to marry anyone else except him. so is it ok if I dont?
dont do that !! if u want him do it the halal ways ONLYY sis. here is an article from islamqa ...
Some people, when they want to pray against a person, say, “O jinn, seize him, O ‘ifreet seize him; may seven (jinn) seize you, may they break your back and suck your blood.” What is the ruling on such words?
Praise be to Allaah.
This is shirk, and is a type of seeking the help of the jinn. Some people do this because they have fear of the jinn in their hearts and they are afraid of their power, and because their hearts are devoid of sincere faith and trust in Allaah. So they are content with these illusions and they seek the help of created beings which are not able to bring benefit or ward off harm for themselves, let alone for anyone else.
When Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about this matter, he said:
“This is even more abhorrent than associating others in worship with Allaah. We must not do this, we must beware of it, we must advise others not to do it and we must denounce those who do it. If a person is known to commit such actions of shirk, it is not permissible to let him marry a Muslim woman, to eat meat slaughtered by him, to pray over him [the funeral prayer] or to pray behind him, until he announces his repentance to Allaah, which includes devoting his du’aa’ and worship sincerely and purely to Allaah alone.”
(Iqaamat al-Baraaheen ‘ala Hukm man istaghaatha bi ghayr Allaah, p. 30)
The Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas has issued a fatwa stating that:
“seeking the help of the jinn and turning to them to meet one’s needs by harming someone or benefitting him is shirk, because it is a kind of worship directed to someone other than Allaah. It is a kind of benefitting from the jinn to fulfil one’s needs, in return for which the jinn benefits by having the human’s veneration and trust, and being called upon by him to fulfil his desires. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘And on the Day when He will gather them (all) together (and say): “O you assembly of jinn! Many did you mislead of men,” and their Awliyaa’ (friends and helpers) amongst men will say: “Our Lord! We benefited one from the other, but now we have reached our appointed term which You did appoint for us.” He will say: “The Fire be your dwelling place, you will dwell therein forever, except as Allaah may will. Certainly your Lord is All-Wise, All-Knowing.”
And thus We do make the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers) Awliyaa’ (supporters and helpers) of one another (in committing crimes), because of that which they used to earn’ [al-An’aam 6:128-129]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘And verily, there were men among mankind who took shelter with the males among the jinn, but they (jinn) increased them (mankind) in sin and transgression’ [al-Jinn 72:6]
When a human seeks the help of the jinn, to cause harm to another or to protect him from the evil of one whose evil he fears, all of this is shirk, and whoever is in this state, his prayer and fasting mean nothing. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If you join others in worship with Allaah, (then) surely, (all) your deeds will be in vain, and you will certainly be among the losers” [al-Zumar 39:65]
Whoever is known to do such things, cannot be prayed over if he dies, his funeral cannot be attended, and he cannot be buried in the Muslim graveyard.”
(Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/407-408)
The jaahili (ignorant) nature of their seeking the help of the jinn and putting their trust in them is highlighted in the words of shirk that they utter, such as:
“By the help of Allaah and you; I am under Allaah’s care and yours; I have no one except Allaah and you; I am Allaah’s slave and yours; I put my trust in Allaah and in you; this is from Allaah and from you; I have Allaah in heaven and you on earth,” etc.
Undoubtedly these phrases are expressions of shirk, because they make a created being the rival of the Creator. Exalted be our Lord far above that.
They even call upon Jibreel (peace be upon him) and Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) instead of Allaah, by uttering words of ignorance such as, “O Jibreel, help me,” and “O Muhammad, intercede for me.” And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.
Aadaat wa alfaaz tukhaalif Deen Allaah by Dr. Muhammad ibn Sa’eed al-Qahtaani
... furthermore sis, he doesnt seem to be suitable for u, it seems right that u ended this relationship!! dont go back into it. INFATUATION will dissapear in sha Allaah with time, though it may seem impossible to u right now, but trust me, i know. the moment u find Mr. right u wont even remember him then in sha Allaah. ..
turn to Allaah - the creator - not the creation ( jinn ) of Allaah for ur problems!!
if u think it is love that u feel for this man, do u think being with such a man ull be happy?? ull probably leave him again, learn from ur experience, how can forget all that?? dont get carried away by emotions. u left him coz he obviously wasnt the right person for u and u couldnt stand him any longer. dont get urself into a mess sis. use ur head. not all men are the same in sha Allaah ull get someone better, just keep on praying. may be its not even infatuation that ur feeling for him, may be its more of a fear, as u said, what if u get someone worse than him. think positive and always keep ur faith in Allaah.
get close to Allaah, love for Allaah is the greatest love of all, and ull find so much peace and happiness with it. try to find someone who is religously committed sis.
in sha Allaah ull find so much peace and happiness by getting close to Allaah and choosing a righteous God fearing person as a life partner
... i know u are feeling very troubled sis because of ur ex and ur emotions towards him, it must be a difficult time for u now, but plz dont get swayed in emotions, plz think about it like u did before when u broke up with him. i dont think u should get back to ur ex fiance sis. ur an intelligent person, dont ruin ur life for urself sis. i hope my advice would have been helpful to u
do istikhara whenever u need to sis
take care
JazakAllah khair. I did istikhara before engagement. It was in a dream that We both were running, holding hands from small closed shops. Then we stopped there and ran again and reached on some huge building where we were happy and amazed. I thought it was positive sign. And I did engagement.
Now several times I did ishtikhara last month. But I dont get any result. Not in dreams or anything else. Now I thoguht that already I did ishtikhara and Allah show me the way. Now, even I do it again and again I dont find any way that if he is good for me or not. And all that feeling that he is right for me is not going.
As the poster above already said that the process you are going to do is a serious sin of shirk, which is unforgivable. DO NOT EVEN THINK OF DOING IT !!! You are only going to be doomed in this world and the next. Those are all fraud and business which ignorant people believe easily. Take heed.
Secondly, if your ex-fiance is not willing to take you back, then Alhamdulilah ala kuli hal. It may be in your best interest. Pray salat al isthikhara for Allah may guide you. Since you said you had physical relationship with a stranger, do sincerely repent as it is a grave sin too.
Your ex-fiance compared you with other girls and he finds them more interesting than you, he is harsh, mean, he has relations with other girl too etc. So wanting to marry him is like jumping in a hole with spikes. Do not do it too. I really do not think he is an ideal choice. Forget him.
Your feelings for him will eventually fade away with some efforts done. Practice your deen properly and have patience for the right pious man insha'Allah. Be positive always. I would say, its a good move to break your engagement. Do not enter a pre-marital relationship again for it is a sin.
i think u should not go back.may ALLAH bless u.i think ur ex fiance is so much selfish:(
As Salamu'alaikum sister Maheen,
Muwakkil is a Shaitaan, literally. This is what I knew after hearing about the horrific experience of Shaikh Haamid Aadam of Sudan, who previously used to be a magician. You can listen to his story here but only if you know Urdu, as this lecture is in Urdu. It is a lecture by Shaikh Murtaza Baksh of Jeddah.
You need to keep away from the people who commit this shirk. Going to such a person is a sin such that your prayers for 40 days are at stake, and believing in what they say is Kufr in Allah and His Messenger.
Making a person love you is a kind of magic called "Tiwala" or "Sihr al 'Atf - The Magic of Love". According to a Hadith, it is Shirk. You should keep yourself away from such people and always check where you take knowledge from, as you may be misled easily.
The only things allowed in your case are is Dua and Salatul Istikhaarah. Otherwise, you or anyone else can not force someone to marry you. If he has moved ahead, you should move ahead, too.
My sister, I suggest you to learn 'Aqeedah from the books of sound scholars such as Kitab at Tawhid, Foundations of the Sunnah, Al 'Uboodiyyah, The Principles of Islam, Kitab al Eemaan, and also read Diseases of the heart and their cures and The Criterion Between The Friends of Allah & The Friends of Shaytan, Taqwiyatul Eemaan
I hope this has given you a GOOD database to learn from. In sha Allah, if you need more, I will mention some more books you can read.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakAllah khair brother,
I also thought in a similar way that my heart was not letting me take help of Muwakkil and I didnt go to that person. Is it ok if I recite durud 11 times then "Ya Wadudu"- 300 times and again durud for 11 times to have Allah's mercy on me and Allah bringing my ex fiance towards me. I found this on some cite and I have to recite this for 40 days. One more thing is it ok if I dont marry to anyone else as I really wanted to marry him only?
I have kind of depression from 1 year. I dont concentrate on my studies as well. It feels like everything is over. And I just wait for the day he will come back.
When I talked with him regarding rethinking of the relation he was confuse as his family and relatives and society wont think it is right. He did not say he doesnt want to do it. Instead he said it is better for both of us as we do not have trust.
Regarding istekhara I did istikhara before engagement. It was in a dream that We both were running, holding hands from small closed shops. Then we stopped there and ran again and reached on some huge building where we were happy and amazed. I thought it was positive sign. And I did engagement.
Now several times I did ishtikhara last month. But I dont get any result. Not in dreams or anything else. Now I thoguht that already I did ishtikhara and Allah show me the way. Now, even I do it again and again I dont find any way that if he is good for me or not. And all that feeling that he is right for me is not going.
Jazak Allah khair
I repent regularly for what I did. But really I just cant get over that feeling that I am going to marry him.. It is hard. Like my mom will show me some boy (though their proposal wouldnt have come, we have to contact them if I am interested) then I ll think over it. And will be so aggressive and angry for few days. Untill, I say NO to mom about that boy. I think that is a sign for me that it will b hard for me to accept that fact that I am not marrying him(ex).
Something is still remained between me and him. Apart from feelings, I dream my life with him. I dont want to marry someone else and then disappoint my-self and my husband.
Moreover, while in that engagement, I was scared that my fiance would b like my dad (my dad is abusive husband and father) and will treat me bad after marriage. I want to tell this issue to him may be he will understand that why I expected more things from him. He used to force me for job-with pure heart to make me independent. I could not tell him incident in my last job, that my boss tried to harrase me physically and thats why I was not interested in jobs that much after engagement. And my fiance used to think that I changed my thinking. I was ambitious but somethings in my mind used to trouble my decisions. My ex still hopes best for me. Like even after break up, one day I had fever and I was alone in his country, dont know how he had that instinct and called me and asked are you ok or not how is your health. We used to care for each other during and after that relationship of engagement. I know I commited many sins while in that relation. But he always thought best for me.
He was stubborn and so was I with many things. Like he said that he had feelings for one girl but now they r frnds and that girl never knew he had that feelings. So he found no reason to stop talking to her. He lessened his talking with her but didnt stop that. So that was an issue between us. And I broke up.
One more thing my dad, has made his impression in our society that he is very strict ( which he is) and so no alliance comes to our home. There were some aliance when I was 17-19 and he just at that point of time only refuse them. And we came to know about that after many years. He gives some excuses for everything. And I dont think he really thinks of my marriage. Does that make any difference if I should try again to talk and convince my ex.
As my dad even didnt like my ex. Reasons were he lives in anothr country and he has some problem in his ankle and my ex was black. So he used to say that he is not compatible for me. Although I convinced my dad at that point of time.But when i told my parents about I am thinking of break up and want my mom to talk to my mother in law, my dad said that there is no need. Talking will spoil our relations(not my alliance but my mom in law was my mother's cousin).At that point of time even I thought he is selfish.He never allowed me or my mom to talk to my in laws during or after break up. And my dad talks to them normally.So after all this I really feel that he never wants me to get married.
what should I do in that. Whenever he is angry he will say that I have to find my husband by myself because he is not going to search it for me. And when even I talk with my frnds who r boys he doubts on me and acts wierdly.I know I should not talk to non-maharam but they r just frnds. Now after all this I keep thinking that problems might have solved if dad had let mom talk to my in laws. Even during break up my ex told the same thing.
Shall I say about my dad's behaviour to my ex. And explain him why I was so much acting wierd with him and suddenly became demanding.?
Thank you.
Sister, I don't know why you wish to stick on to that person. He doesn't seem to be one you'll be happy with. As you said, he forced you to take up a job and you are uncomfortable because of your experience. This is well. No man has any right to force a woman to work. That is his job. You would be the queen of your home when you marry, such that you will work in a Halaal environment, only if you wish. Otherwise, you won't. This is your call.
I suggest you to seek help from an Islamic Center which is renowned to be upon the Sunnah. Ask them about possible men you could marry. Or contact the Imam of the mosque with this query. You can even take help of your female friends in locating a good Muslim man. In sha Allah, when you have chosen one, bring this to your parents' knowledge. Tell us then, what their reaction is.
And yes, never go to tge people who claim to tell you of the Ghaib or who claim to tie a knot between you and the man.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams Maheen
I agree with all the comments and advise given to you. I dont think you should go back to him you should move on as difficult it is, it happen for a reason from Allah. Be strong and do not even look back at someone who was never yours to begin with.
As everyone above has already said, this man probably isn't right for you.
But just as importantly, please re-read your own post. I know you still love him and miss the opportunity he represented. But after one year, it is time to stop thinking about the "what-if's". If he has not tried to contact you or your family, he probably is no longer interested in you. He probably does not think about you. For all you know, he may have re-initiated contact with his previous fiancée.
I am not trying to be harsh or insensitive. It's just that when we care for someone who is no longer in our life, we tend to ruminate about that person, what went wrong, can it be repaired, does he still think about me, etc. It is obvious that you are doing this. I don't blame you, but try to stop. You CAN control your thoughts. Think about it -- you want someone to do magic of sorts to bring your fiancée back. Islam has no place for magic.
The relationship -- or whatever it was -- is over, he moved on, you should as well, as hard as that may be.
Asalam Alaikum sister,
I will suggest you from my experience that don't go back.I did the same mistake .I also got engaged then some bitterness took place.then my inlaws said this will not happen again and convinced us we got convinced and got married to him (I was also not able to forget him)but his behaviour did not changed and finally we seperated.now i regret that if i wud have broken the engagement this wud not have happened .Anyways i will advice you not to go back.If initially little bitterness comes in a relationship it will continue and never ends.Start afresh and believe me u will forget him with time.
Is it ok if I recite durud 11 times then "Ya Wadudu"- 300 times and again durud for 11 times to have Allah's mercy on me and Allah bringing my ex fiance towards me. I found this on some cite and I have to recite this for 40 days. One more thing is it ok if I dont marry to anyone else as I really wanted to marry him only?
YOU DONT HAVE THIS IN ANY HADEES THE QUANTITY AND PARTICULARLY THE 11 TIMES IS THE ONES WHO FOLLOW SUFISM AND THAT IS ALL *********THAUT BY THE DONATION MONGERS AND DEVAITED LOT WHO ARE LIVING THEIR LIVES AS SADHUS BECAUSE SUFISM IS MUSLIM SADHUS AND AWAY AWAY FROM ISLAM....
THIS ALSO IS WRONG is it ok if I dont marry any one else because I am not marrying him. I know it is not that right but I dont want to marry anyone else except him. so is it ok if I dont? BECAUSE YOU ARE DEFYING ALLAHS PLAN AS THERE IS SOMEONE WHO IS YOUR JODI [PAIR]AND WAITING FOR YOU TO GIVE HAPPINESS AND YOU ARE RUNNING BEHIND SOMEONE[AS IF HE IS 1000000000000 %PERFECT AS PER YPUR MIND NOT THE PLAN OF ALLAH]WHOM ALLAH KNOWS BEST CANT GIVE YOU HAPPINESS HE HIMSELF IS CONFUSED AND AFTER ALL THIS CONFUSION.
Ali Yousuff,
Please mind your language.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister,
It is not alright to recite whatever you mentioned for 40 days. It is baseless and has noevidence from the Quran or the Sunnah.
If you did the Istikhaarah, having complete trust and hope in Allah, then things would have worked for yoi without your knowledge, keepong you wait for something that has already happened.
If you did the Istikhaarah and he went away, this is the result of yourIstikhaarah, you need not have a dream at all. It is as simple as that.
I know it is difficult, but you have to accept Allah's Decision. Allah Will In sha Allah give you Barakah in everything you do, then. Itis wrong to say you won't marry anyone but him, because it seems like rebillion with Allah's Choice.
It is possible that it be infactuation, even while you have wished for him to be your life partner. I suggest you to forget the idea of marrying him and move ahead. Take up things that will help you get over the thoughts that lead to him.
It seems difficult, but with the Help of Allah, it is easy.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Your isthikhara have served its purpose. The man has left is the evidance.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
SisterZ
November 5, 2012 • 12:48 pm
Ali Yousuff,
Please mind your language.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
PL SHOW ME WHERE MY LANGUAGE IS WRONG OR BAD I DONT THINK I HAVE USED ANY WRONG WORDS ANYWHERE-
Well I can't show you the bad language as I replaced it with '................'. But you should know what you wrote before I replaced it with '......................', because you wrote it.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaykum sister
Assalaamu alaykum sister.
I can only imagine the condition you are in. But i would advice you to re-read this Quranic verses::-
Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not (2:216)
So always, whatever do not come on your way, was nt meant for you, and if the ex-fiance was meant for you, then he will come back to you, don't do shirk, we can not bear the wrath of Allah, fear him. Do not love a person than Allah my dear.
You should also know that we will be given big trials in life, big until we feel depressed just to prove ourselves if we are really believers. Do not forget to take care of your life until death knocks to you dear, know the purpose of your life. Love yourself, love your life, don't waste it harming yourself. Look at this verse:
Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.(2:14)
Don't be sad, accept the problem facing you. And don't feel misvalued due to the physical contact you had, accept that you are a human, and you do mistakes; you haven't really met your first love until you get married to a person who will love you for the rest of your life. Repent to Allah for your sins. Allah's mercy is bigger than our sins, indeed he is the most merciful. Rasool peace be upon him was reported to say, "Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who repent." (Tirmidhi).
Jazak Allah khair sister,
I repent regularly for what I did. But really I just cant get over that feeling that I am going to marry him.. It is hard. Like my mom will show me some boy (though their proposal wouldnt have come, we have to contact them if I am interested) then I ll think over it. And will be so aggressive and angry for few days. Untill, I say NO to mom about that boy. I think that is a sign for me that it will b hard for me to accept that fact that I am not marrying him(ex).
Something is still remained between me and him. Apart from feelings, I dream my life with him. I dont want to marry someone else and then disappoint my-self and my husband.
Moreover, while in that engagement, I was scared that my fiance would b like my dad and will treat me bad after marriage. I want to tell this issue to him may be he will understand that why I expected more things from him. He used to force me for job-with pure heart to make me independent. I could not tell him incident in my last job, that my boss tried to harrase me physically and thats why I was not interested in jobs that much after engagement. And my fiance used to think that I changed my thinking. I was ambitious but somethings in my mind used to trouble my decisions. My ex still hopes best for me. Like even after break up, one day I had fever and I was alone in his country, dont know how he had that instinct and called me and asked are you ok or not how is your health. We used to care for each other during and after that relationship of engagement. I know I commited many sins while in that relation. But he always thought best for me.
He was stubborn and so was I with many things. Like he said that he had feelings for one girl but now they r frnds and that girl never knew he had that feelings. So he found no reason to stop talking to her. He lessened his talking with her but didnt stop that. So that was an issue between us. And I broke up.
One more thing my dad, has made his impression in our society that he is very strict ( which he is) and so no alliance comes to our home. There were some aliance when I was 17-19 and he just at that point of time only refuse them. And we came to know about that after many years. He gives some excuses for everything. And I dont think he really thinks of my marriage. Does that make any difference if I should try again to talk and convince my ex.
As my dad even didnt like my ex. Reasons were he lives in anothr country and he has some problem in his ankle and my ex was black. So he used to say that he is not compatible for me. Although I convinced my dad at that point of time.But when i told my parents about I am thinking of break up and want my mom to talk to my mother in law, my dad said that there is no need. Talking will spoil our relations(not my alliance but my mom in law was my mother's cousin).At that point of time even I thought he is selfish.He never allowed me or my mom to talk to my in laws during or after break up. And my dad talks to them normally.So after all this I really feel that he never wants me to get married.
what should I do in that. Whenever he is angry he will say that I have to find my husband by myself because he is not going to search it for me. And when even I talk with my frnds who r boys he doubts on me and acts wierdly.I know I should not talk to non-maharam but they r just frnds. Now after all this I keep thinking that problems might have solved if dad had let mom talk to my in laws. Even during break up my ex told the same thing.
Shall I say about my dad's behaviour to my ex. And explain him why I was so much acting wierd with him and suddenly became demanding.?
Thank you.
-When he talks to girls, you had problems and so you broke up.
And when you talk to boys, you say your father is acting wierd.
Your friends who are boy are just you 'friends', similarly your ex's friends who are girls are just his 'friends'. Both of you are doing it wrong. Double standards etc.
All I can say right now is that, have patience, do not hasten to get married and spoil others life. First get over your feelings. Getting back your ex is a bad idea. Both of you are stubborn on your opinions, you had fights etc. Finally, regarding getting physically harrased in your job, it is highly recommended that you observe proper Islamic clothing. In my opinion, you dont need to explain anything to your ex.
Be the duties Allah has given you first sincerely and ask Him for help.
Well brother, Girls are allowed to strangers if there is a need. So, I talk genuine with boys and I dont say that I have feelings for this guy or that guy. My ex used to say that he had feelings for her and used to talk a lot about her. And when even my parents asked him if he will chose between both of us he said "I wont leave her, do what ever u wish. But I am not going to marry her as well so its upto u. As today u r asking me to leave her one day u will ask me to leave my parents."
So my frnds are only frnds and even my ex had problem with my girl frnds as well so I reduced talking to those frnds. I adjusted according to his wishes but didnt he.
^ I anticipated your answer. Now there is more reasons to NOT re-engage and forget him and his philosophy for good.
Know your divine limits in communicating with strangers. I'm sure you're aware of this insha'Allah.
😀 u tricked me. Well I know all these reasons. I mean he had to decide which girl I should talk, what I should buy, where I should go and I could not have any similar demands. In spite of all these things and mismatching.. I have made my mind that noone else can make me happy that is funny. When we r in relation we find bad things and whn we r out of it we only remember good things. strange!!! may Allah give us all strength to follow right path for us towards jannah.