I am scared to go near my father in case misfortune befalls me
Salam, I lost my mum at the age of 7, my dad was mad about it. One day, I was playing as a child with my fingers, so my dad heard me and came to the toilet where I was. He told me to see him when I was through which I did, he started asking me if I killed my mum. I was in shock and started crying. He consoled me. From that day on he started putting allegations on me. There was day someone used a blade to cut his picture, he accused me of doing that too.
When I gained admission into high school, something happened. I was about to go to sleep so I told them good night nobody answered, I decided to draw their attention by telling them bad night. Things turned out bad for me as I ended up lying against my self. I said I was being disturbed by some cult, that they wanted me to kill my father and my sisters, but I never said I killed anyone. They promised me that would not tell any body what was happening that was why I said what they wanted to hear. Eventually it got to my dad and from that day he called me so many names like demonic influnce and all other things. I never know why I said all those things and I have never been involved in witchcraft or such before.
Sometimes my dad would warn me not to allow any harm happen to my stepmother and his children. I felt dejected as a child, I tried to explain to him but he wouldn't understand. I almost killed my self as a child, I felt depressed but I kept praying to Allah to solve my problems, all this while I did many things to my self while seeking love, I got engaged with wrong men who ended up sleeping with me. Although I regret it and pray Allah would forgive me. The situation is getting worse as my father is not making contact with me except in financial aspect, it is also affecting my younger ones. I am even scared of coming close to him because I dont want to be attached to any misfortune. Please tell me what to do and pray for me.
-Asmau
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Assalaamu alaikum sister Asmau.
Sorry to hear what you are going through. It seems your father blamed you for your mothers death when it was not your fault. Do not say this to anyone but it may be due to psychological illness or a release of feelings. He was wrong to accuse you regardless but it will help you if you can step back and look at the bigger picture. Rather than being in the picture you need be out of it and look in. A death in the family can bring some pretty horrible emotions, anger, grief etc. Your father should have been there for you at this difficult time but instead he displaced all the grief from the loss of his wife, onto his own daughter in the form of anger.
Pity him in this regard dear sister. Accept that your father is unable to bond with you and it is nothing to do with you, its to do with him. Remind yourself of this everytime you feel inadequate and stop seeking love from him or anyone else that you shouldnt be. I shall give you some advice for you given to me from a senior editor which is perfectly to the point: (I hope you do not mind me pasting it)
"One thing is for sure, this young woman will never get any love from her father and she needs to accept that. She has ruined herself with self-destructive behaviors, all because her father hates her. She must accept that he does not love her, and find a way to value herself and redeem herself that does not depend on her father's approval." If you father doesnt contact you it doesnt matter. Do not shut him out if he needs you but break your dependancy on him
Changing your state of mind is a difficult thing but you should never seek approval from anyone or let your own self-worth depend on others. Value yourself dear sister you are precious, and your worth does not depend on your father loving you. You only need Allah swt to be pleased with you right now, no one else. Do not despair about your sin. Vow not to repeat it, stay away from friendships and relationships with guys - what leads to a sin is a sin and when a couple are alone, shaytaan is the 3rd. Ask Allah to forgive you and make the changes in your life. Actively work to be close to Him.
Get involved in your community, try to meet good nice Muslim sisters and remind yourself that you are important. Do not make up lies or attention seek. Give yourself positive affirmation when negativity gets you down.
I pray that Allah swt grants you and you mother (and us all) jannatul firdaws and helps you get past these problems.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you sister sara your advice is really helping me may Allah reward you
sallam
sister i honestly feel that your father is mentally ill. I dont mean he hears voices or is schitzo. I speaking about borderline personality, attention seekign behaviour, detachment from this only child, paranoid fantasies. I feel that your said to him about being involved in a cult becuase as children we seek attention from our parents. you knew that he has these werid notions about black majic etc, and you in the spur of the moment fabricated a tail, which your family took too seriously. I dont think you did it delibratly, sometimes when your ignored, isolated, rejected your mind creates things for you to cope with that situation.
you relaitonship with him has been so damaging and i think you dont need to worry about him. focus on yourself, focus on healing, focus on your deen and inshallah you will ahve a great life.
dont be afraid to ask for help, use this forum, seek counseling etc
Allah hafiz