Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Scared to marry for the third time

Wedding ringsI have few questions but I promise it will not be a long one.

Q.1:   Is it Okay to get Married in Court with Permission from Parents but -  no ceremony? & is the marriage valid or unlawful? and the islamic ceremony can be done later by husband wife?

Q.2:  I am a female I have been married 2 times in my life but i am scared to marry 3rd time. First time i was forced into marriage did not like the guy or know him, i was unhappy 19 & young also i  did not live with him it was 1 month of marriage but did not have sex with him. I did beg my parents not to do it, almost left home not to marry now my parents are blaming me why i havent stopped  all this before. have i done wrong? & i tried to stop them.

Q.3: I married but i have commited very big SIN i married someone with out parents approval. But he was was no good. I gave him divorce becoz he used to beat me and treat me like slave & cheated. I did not get anything in return never wanted. So did i do right thing? Now I know why its wrong to marry with out permission islamic way.

Q.4: Since I am the one to give divorce am I allowed to marry 3rd time? Or I cant marry any more? I have this big burden on me.  I dont know what to do, I'm 26 year old female my parents always wanted me to get married becoz im burden to them. I tried everyway to find a decent man. I have learned my lesson. I regret it. I dont ever feel like getting married again. I am thinking about money and future instead of marrying is that also wrong?

- MoonDay123


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4 Responses »

  1. Q.1: Is it Okay to get Married in Court with Permission from Parents but - no ceremony? & is the marriage valid or unlawful? and the islamic ceremony can be done later by husband wife?

    If your wali gives you the permission, and you do the nikah properly, the you will become halal for you husband. Doing a ceremony is not a necessity for the marriage to become valid.

    Check with a scholar to learn if a divorced woman needs the permission of a wali to marry again.

    Q.4: Since I am the one to give divorce am I allowed to marry 3rd time? Or I cant marry any more? I have this big burden on me. I dont know what to do, I'm 26 year old female my parents always wanted me to get married becoz im burden to them. I tried everyway to find a decent man. I have learned my lesson. I regret it. I dont ever feel like getting married again. I am thinking about money and future instead of marrying is that also wrong?

    You are allowed to marry again.

  2. Dear 'MoonDay123', Asalaamualaykum,

    I do not the answers to all your questions, but I shall try my best inshAllah:

    1. As far as I know, a court marriage is not equivalent to the Islamic marriage - nikah. If you wish to have a court marriage done, it will be recognised by the law of the land. It is a legal process/a formality to fulfil the requirement of the non muslim country in which you live, but you will still be non mahram to the man. Technically you can have the Islamic marriage - Nikah done later, with the permission of your wali (your father). As you are divorced, the Islamic requirement of having a wali is more lenient. However, you should consult a qualified Imaam about this. *** Why are you thinking of having a court marriage before a nikah though Sister? You have clearly been through some messy situations, so please ensure to seek good counsel before you decide to marry again.

    2. It was wrong for your parents to force you into marriage. I do not know the full circumstance of your marriage and divorce so I cannot say if you were right or wrong. But that is in the past now. Do tawbah for any mistakes that you made and look forward inshAllah.

    3. If your husband was beating you and cheating on you, you would be within your rights to leave him.

    4. You are fully within your rights to marry again in a halaal manner, whether you were divorced or divorced yourself. A healthy and halaal marriage provides a safe haven for individuals and is always recommended in Islam. You are young and deserve a nice man to enjoy your life with, but you must be emotionally ready for this. Parents always worry about their children, but sometimes they dont seem to understand that 'marriage' is not a quick fix to all their woes. You seem to be fairly confused, but this is understandable as you have been through alot with two divorces, abuse from your ex husband and problems with your parents. It is ok for you to think about your future and your financial security. But don't let 'money' take over your life.

    Dear Sister, I think you need to leave contemplating marriage and men for now and most definitely after doing sincere tawbah, leave your past where it is - in the past. It has gone now, dwelling over it will only give you grief. But yes, learn from your mistakes - that is a wise thing to do. Come closer to your deen, ask Allah to forgive you for any wrongs you have done knowingly and unknowingly. Allah will forgive you if you repent sincerely.

    Strengthen yourself mentally and emotionally. I dont know if you are still studying or if you have a job, but do something to occupy your mind in a healthy manner. Join some Islamic classes and learn about the lessons taught in the Quran; take up some voluntary work with a Muslim charity or something else you enjoy. If your parents keep at you about the past, remind yourself that they are just concerned for you. Reassure them that you have learned from the past and inshAllah will marry again in the right manner but need to strengthen yourself emotionally, become closer to your deen and that you need your parent's support. When you are ready for marriage, you will know inshAllah.

    There are ways to look for a good spouse when you are ready. You can join marriage bureaus and ask trusted people to look out for you. Although, if you are stronger and are mixing in good Muslim environments, you may meet someone yourself inshAllah.

    So to summarise: improve your relationship with Allah, then with yourself and your family. Marriage will come in its own time when you are ready for it. Be patient with your parents, they are just worried for you. Do tawbah for you wrongs and don't keep kicking yourself about 'the past' - it is unhealthy and discouraged in Islam. Look forward and when your parents can see that you are a stronger person, they will worry less inshAllah.

    Best Wishes,

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com, Editor

  3. well sister u can divorce and marry many times islam doesnt say u cant once a women came to prophet she said can she divorce her husband he said whats wrong with your husband she siad nothing but he is misfit (sexually etc )
    so prophet said u can divorce in islam ucan divorce its not prison for u to llive with thatp erson with whom u cant be happy with or like or mistreat u

    u can marry third time and u can and pray to allah truly withp ain allah then will listen to u and i pray may allah give you good muslmi husband who be best with you

    prophet muhammadp buh said the best of you are those who are best with their wife.

  4. Salams sister I wish you the best in live as we all make mistakes in live I also was married twice and divorced twice my first both times were arrange but I make shukar to Allah because my parents helped me and they never made me feel less then what I am I do want to marry again I'm 25 and I haven't given in my dad maybe in a way feels its better if I'm with them but I belive if I want my creator to be pleased with me I will do what pleases my creator so not give up many ppl go throw bad. Patches in life but Allah never let's us face something we can't handle may allah give you the courage to continue in Allah paths and grant you the right partner in life in sha allah

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