Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexually Dissatisfied

lonely man in the rain

Dear All, Aoa,

I got married nearly 8 months back. My wife is pregnant with a baby. Before pregnancy, we have a lot of sexual intercourse whenever myself/she want. But after Pregnancy (now 4-5 months), things has changed a lot, and I am feeling sexually frustrated.

The reasons being

1- She seems loose interest in sex (which is 'norm' in women)
2- She lived 3 months to her parent's place, and I have to visit occasionally (every or alternative weekend).

Both are well professional and currently, I am the only one who is doing job. I am (Alhamdulillah) strong guy who have very intense desire for sex and want is everyday (not necessarily intercourse, meaning satisfied by hands of spouse as well).

Now, I cant travel to her parent place due to my job, and I remembered masturbating during weekdays and she knows it (though she feel sorry). We both love each other, and she is caring, and loving apart from this feature. I have told her many times, and
sometimes, she get angry saying, I do every thing for you and you remain the same --always complaining.

How can I tell her politely so that she understand the situation. Now again she is saying, she want to live with her parents in last 2 months of pregnancy and that mean another 3 months (as after child birth she has to stay for another 40 days) I have to sort of miss her.

I wish today's women understand themselves that their biggest DUTY is their Husbands, not their parents (in my case, there parents are not sick). Even though, husbands dont want to SEX all the time, but they need wives overnight for closeness.

I keep praying, but I dont want to hurt her saying all this directly.

May Allah Help me in this regards,

JazaKALLAH
Usman

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10 Responses »

  1. Your wife went to live with her parents so that she can be guided by her mother for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child (your child). and here you are complaining about sex and masturbation. Grow up.

    You wife is at her parents home to get help and not help them.

    You call yourself DrUsman, I hope you are not a medical doctor.

    Things are going to change. Your wife will have to pay more attention to your baby. You better start thinking differently.

    • Thought you supported masterbation , now dont go back on your words when advising others , also do not mock him , because im sure if this was some women you would all be in her favour

      • I am against misinforming people like masturbation is harmful or sin. These kind of believes can be harmful to ones mental health.

        I am a man. I try to be fair when giving my opinion irrespective of gender of advice seeker.

  2. Your wife can't stay at her family's house without your permission. Tell her it's haram for her to stay there without your consent. I know it's a tradition in us Pakistanis that the woman stays at her family's place in her first pregnancy. But then you have stronger desires than most other men who are ok with the tradition. it's not allowed for a woman to stay overnight anywhere without her husband's consent. Tell your wife that if sajdah was jaiz to anyone besides Allah then it would have been the husband. This is in authentic Hadith. Also tell her Angels will curse her all night if she refuses to come back and have sex with you.

    You should let her visit her family regularly, you should also visit her family and treat them with respect, love and affection but you should keep your wife with you every night.

    And don't marry a second wife. Some men do that in this situation. But even if its jaiz it will still cause massive problems and a lot of tension and hassle. It's just not worth it.

    Tell your wife if she truly feels sorry for your situation and loves you, then she should take care of your sexual needs. If she doesn't, it's clear she does not love you or care for you. If she did, then she would care abt your needs. You can divorce her.

    And you should also start fasting to decrease your sexual desires if you can't divorce her or bring her back home. That's the instruction given by the holy prophet to single men to control their desires. It will work for you inshallah.

    Btw, why do you say alhamdulillah for having strong desires. Clearly these strong desires are your problem. Ask Allah to weaken it if that can help you.

  3. Brother ,

    I think you need to grow up .You need to control SEX for time being .As she is pregnant so she will be having lot of health related stuff to look and she needs some one to look after her .Her mother is the best person to support her at this time .

    You look selfish here by just thinking about your SEX satisfaction and ignoring her pain and health during pregnancy .

    Once child is delivered and she is back to right health and mind then resume sexual activities with her using protection .Remember again if she gets pregnant it wil be the same cycle again .
    Grow up and feel her pain of pregnancy ..Do fasting for time being till she is back after delivery .

    .

  4. Salaam

    I know what you tell us of your needs, but you don't say anything about what you do to fulfill her needs. I will try to give some advice, I hope I do not offend.

    You say that it is norm for women to have a decreasing sexdrive. Actually, science doesn't agree. Women peak at forty! However, there are many things that might make a woman less inclined to intimacy, things that can be helped by a considerate husband. One of the first things is that foreplay is much more important to women, if they are to want and enjoy intimacy. And foreplay does not begin in bed! The husband should begin foreplay in the morning, by telling his wife how beautiful she is. Compliment her on her eyes, her smile, this will make her heart open to you. Especially when a woman is pregnant, she might feel heavy and unattractive - tell her she is more attractive than ever, that you desire her. This will make her feel sexy, and loving. In the evening, tell her how much you missed her. Touch her! You can stroke her hair, give her a kiss behind the ear and whisper that you love her. This is very effective foreplay! Make sure you help around the house! A husband who slumps down in front of the TV while his pregnant wife serves dinner, does the dishes, takes care of the children, does laundry is not attractive and does not make her inclined to intimacy! Such a husband just makes her feel unappreciated and tired... So - do the dishes and help with the kids! Also, women like to be caressed. When one is pregnant one might have a sore back and aching feet. Give her a backrub, or a feet massage! Tell her that you love touching her, that she is beautiful and desirable.

    Also, one thing that make women go off intimacy is when their husbands only want to satisfy themselves and don't care about satisfying the wife. A woman who is only fulfilled during sex once every ten times, will most likely end up only wanting to have sex once in ten times you ask! I do not want to offend, but are you making sure your wife is satisfied by intimacy every time you yourself are satisfied? This is one of the most important aspects I believe and in Islam, the right of women to be satisfied are clear.

    May Allah bless your marriage, and allow your wife to deliver a strong and healthy baby.

    • Your points are good but looks like these exists only in romantic novels or other books .

      In real life people are so stressed out or tired after job/business to try all these . Marriage is challenge and these sweet points are just theoretical ... Real and difficult life break the bone of even loving caring husband/wife 🙂

      I think at present he should fast to control his desires and his wife will be happy with her mom till the end of pregnancy ..He should not put financial burden on her parents but only should allow her to stay with her mom for moral and emotional support .Only place where a wife will be super happy is her mom's place ..

  5. Dear Brother,

    I too think that you should control your desires. The best way is to fast. Your priority at this time should be the comfort for your wife not your desire for sex.

    May Allah bless you both with a super healthy baby.

  6. yes fasting will decrease your desire for sex. keep fasting till the delivery and then jump suddenly

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