Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Suicidal,Trapped, Broken

Double rainbow and road ahead

Have hope for the future. Trust in Allah.

I feel like i am trapped. My life was little sad or whatever but not like it is now. I have no one to talk to, no one cares about me any more, i am failing at my job. I feel like i have lost everything. Back then i was in a relationship. He was very Islami, he introduced me to his family and i screwed everything. I said i can't live in a abbay and become a housewife. So, i broke that relation. And I got feelings after months of breakup. I wanted that back, to be his wife, to be his housewife, which i lost for worldly pleasures.

I had good friends, but i always wanted a break from that like i didn't like that much caring, always around me etc. Now, i don't even have anyone to talk to.

I am trying very hard on job but still failing. I am hardworking and all but i don't know.

I am just sitting all alone , no one to talk to, nothing to do etc.

Please give some practical advice, not just that it's all worldly things, job is not imported etc. As i am not doing it for job etc. We are living in this world so this is the things we want, friends, happiness, some one to share feelings.

I am not getting married as well but i am becoming old now as i am in my late twenties.

I feel like i becoming hollow and shunt.

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. To me, you sound like your own worst enemy. You push relationships and opportunities away, only to then use them as excuses to feel really sorry for yourself. You can't expect people to give of themselves to you, and to be there for you when all you give them back is rejection and a cold shoulder. Your friends and romantic prospects are human beings with needs and feelings, too, everything isn't just about YOU. You speak as if you are some kind of princess that is more entitled of being loved, supported and looked after than anyone else - but reality is, you are your own responsibility. If you are lonely, do something about it. For starters, stop pushing your friends away and then complain that no one is there for you. Stop telling men you don't wnat the lifestyle they can provide you with, then bed for it after you have rejected it. It's very inauthentic, and, if I was a man, I honestly wouldn't trust you. I wouldn't know what you really want, because you go from wanting one thing to then wanting the complete opposite the next day.

    Please figure out what it is you want out of life, what kind of friendships you want, and what kind of marriage and husband you want - and then use these wants and needs as a guideline to make appropriate choices in life.

    Also, please stop saying silly things like people are 'old news' once they are of a certain age and unmarried. It's a very toxic message to send out to people in a time and age where a lot of people are single well in their 30s, 40s and even 50s. And it's simply not true at all. Please fix your attitude, you sound like a very pessimistic person. That's not going to help you feel better about yourself and more hopeful about the future, I can assure you.

    • Firstly i asked for advice not criticism. If i am posting here and explaining my worst side that means i don't have attitude and i don't feel like princess. I am a confused personality i know thats why i came here cuz i visit this site daily, i read questions and comments, try to implement them in my life.

      I ask you, if a man came suddenly and ask you to change 100% things about you, how will you feel that? I am not saying that he asked for any wrong thing, he asked for right things but sudden change is little difficult atleast for me. Now i realize and having feelings for him cuz i gave myself some time, i thought about everything ... gradually not suddenly.

      Yes i am not about friend thing. i dont know why i do that. may be because i have been living alone from start, not having parents, family etc. So, may be i dont know thats why i asked.

      And about old news, so if you live in Asian country and every one around you is married but you then it is a big deal here. I am not saying that i don't have hope or it is a bad thing not getting married at this time but i am scared what if it never happens. I am scared that whether there is someone for me or not.

      May be i sounded like that but i posted as an emotional, scared and confused person.

      I appreciate if you try to understand me and my situations instead of becoming harsh to me cuz you sounded like one.

      I always visit this site to gain hope,knowledge and advises but sorry if you tried to give me advice or tried to help me it did not work cuz i feel like you just insulted me and my emotions, my situation and critscised me the way i am. I am not like this by my choice. The life i have seen., things i have went through made me like this still i am asking for help to make myself better.

      • Firstly i asked for advice not criticism.
        Where did I criticize you? I pointed out what I think your problem is, and I gave you some tips for what you can do to help yourself.

        If i am posting here and explaining my worst side that means i don't have attitude and i don't feel like princess.
        That's not the reason why I said your attitude seems to be princess-like. I said that, because you complain that you're lonely and that people distance themselves from you after you reject them...you even say that you're not in to friendships. That's fine, some people are loners - but they don't on one hand say they crave attention, but on the other hand say they don't really want to make an effort, or make time, for their friends. That's not how friendship works, that's what I was trying to tell you. If my friend pushed me away, I, too, wouldn't really want to be there for them when they feel lonely. Friends are not circus monkeys that are supposed to entertain you on demand. I'm not just looking at things from your perspective here, but from other people's perspective, too.

        I am a confused personality i know thats why i came here cuz i visit this site daily, i read questions and comments, try to implement them in my life.
        That's fine, and I feel for you - but it sounds to me like you're not really looking for realistic advice, but for validation or sympathy. What do you want people to say? That you have no part in your own problem? I gave you advice, and you took it as a personal attack. What could I have said that would have helped you?

        I ask you, if a man came suddenly and ask you to change 100% things about you, how will you feel that?
        I would feel like he's not the right man for me. Like him and I aren't compatible. I would reject the proposal and move on with my life, feeling confident about my choice. Because I don't want to be in a marriage where my husband expects me to 100% change. That basically means he wants to be married to an entirely different person to the person I am...so the best for both him and I would find spouses that actually match our personalities, characters and lifestyles.

        I am not saying that he asked for any wrong thing, he asked for right things but sudden change is little difficult atleast for me.
        You shouldn't have to change your entire being for anyone. You did right in saying no to this marriage. The problem is, you made a sensible choice and then started to regretting it, wanting to go back to make a not so good choice. You make decisions, and you accept that decisions have outcomes. When you reject a marriage, obviously, the person proposing to you will move on to someone else. As should you.

        Now i realize and having feelings for him cuz i gave myself some time, i thought about everything ... gradually not suddenly.
        It's not just about your feelings, though. How are feelings going to help you when your husband presents you with a list of things he wants to change about you? Marriage also has to, somewhat, be based on logics. Like, "if this person actually a person I can get on with for my entire life? Am I really prepared to morphe into this mould of a wife he prefers over ME?".

        Yes i am not about friend thing. i dont know why i do that. may be because i have been living alone from start, not having parents, family etc. So, may be i dont know thats why i asked.
        So you want people to give you answers to why you do things, not advice. Well babe, none of us know you so how should we know why you behave the way you behave, or why you do what you do? We can't tell you that. If you are concerned about your behavioural pattern, the best thing to do would be to consult a psychologist who can help you figure these things out. All we can do on the internet is - from what you tell us - inform you on where you might be going wrong, and how you may take a different approach to things. I did exactly that, and you didn't like it.

        And about old news, so if you live in Asian country and every one around you is married but you then it is a big deal here.
        Okay, I will admit that I can't relate in this aspect. I'm not Asian, and quite frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of a lot of traditions and mentalities in various Asian cultures. This is one of those things I don't agree with. How people are being shamed, blamed and degraded just because they haven't reached certain milestones by a certain age. I don't understand it and I never will. But yes, I can imagine it must be stressful to live with constant reminders that you are old and over the hill at 25, or whatever. In my world, life has just begun at 25-30. That's when people have matured, have usually graduated, found themselves a stable job and are ready to meet people they could potentially settle down with.

        I am not saying that i don't have hope or it is a bad thing not getting married at this time but i am scared what if it never happens. I am scared that whether there is someone for me or not.
        Is that why you suddenly regret saying no to that man that proposed to you? Out of fear that he's the only proposal you'll get?

        I appreciate if you try to understand me and my situations instead of becoming harsh to me cuz you sounded like one.
        I didn't mean to be harsh. I'm a very proactive and logical person, and I personally find it difficult to reason with people on basis of their emotions and feelings. Because emotions and feelings aren't logical or stable. When I hear of a problem, my natural instinct is to identify what the core of the problem is, and what can be done to fix it. How and why a problem exists is only interesting to me if getting to the bottom of that is actually helpful for future reference. Like in business. If you have handled a situation wrong, it's good to know why it was wrong so similar wrong approaches / practices can be avoided in the future to maintain good customer relations and therefore profits. But I very rarely see the point in figuring out the hows and whys of people's psyche. Because untangling people's mind doesn't necessarily help them. I have a friend that just can't help himself even though he KNOWS how and WHY he has the problems he has. His problem is that he doesn't have the right tools to change his life around. He just keeps dwelling on the how and why he's problematic. But he's not moving an inch forward.

        I always visit this site to gain hope,knowledge and advises but sorry if you tried to give me advice or tried to help me it did not work cuz i feel like you just insulted me and my emotions, my situation and critscised me the way i am. I am not like this by my choice. The life i have seen., things i have went through made me like this still i am asking for help to make myself better.
        I cannot take responsibility for how you feel - that's on you. I did not insult you and I did not attack you. You might feel that way because you are in a vulnerable position and you probably didn't like that I pointed out that you are your own worst enemy. I said that with absolutely no ill intentions. I don't know, I get the feeling that you are not really able to take ownership of yourself. Like when I pointed out that you push your friends away - you admit that that's what you do, but instead of accepting the consequence of pushing people away (which would be the loneliness), you try to make yourself a victim to excuse your behaviour - you're not seeing things from the perspective of others; Your friends' perspective. Again, it's totally fine to be a loner and not really wanting people around you...but as I said, if that's the decision you make, stick with it and accept its consequences. If I kept banging my head against the wall, I'm hardly in a position to complain that I have a concussion, and blame the wall for it - you see what I'm saying?

      • We all will make dua for you

  2. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu, kiranexamples

    Mashallah, your question finally came through. So are you a Muslim yourself, sister? If yes, then how is your relationship with Allah subhanawatalah, like do you pray the 5 Salah consistently?

  3. Assalaamualaikum, kiranexamples.

    Oh sister, don't be discouraged by people who are wolves in sheep's clothing 🙂 Haven't you read what Allah subhanawataalah has revealed about them in the Noble Quran? Allah subhanawataalah says in Surah Baqra:

    "Verily, those who disbelieve, it is the same to them whether you warn them or do not warn them, they will not believe. Allah has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing, (i.e. they are closed from accepting Allah's Guidance), and on their eyes there is a covering. Theirs will be a great torment. And of mankind, there are some (hypocrites) who say: "We believe in Allah and the Last Day" while in fact they believe not.They (think to) deceive Allah and those who believe, while they only deceive themselves, and perceive (it) not! In their hearts is a disease (of doubt and hypocrisy) and Allah has increased their disease. A painful torment is theirs because they used to tell lies. And when it is said to them: "Make not mischief on the earth," they say: "We are only peace-makers." Verily! They are the ones who make mischief, but they perceive not. And when it is said to them (hypocrites): "Believe as the people (followers of Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم, Al-Ansar and Al-Muhajirun) have believed," they say: "Shall we believe as the fools have believed?" Verily, they are the fools, but they know not. And when they meet those who believe, they say: "We believe," but when they are alone with their Shayatin (devils - polytheists, hypocrites), they say: "Truly, we are with you; verily, we were but mocking." Allah mocks at them and gives them increase in their wrong-doing to wander blindly.These are they who have purchased error for guidance, so their commerce was profitless. And they were not guided. Their likeness is as the likeness of one who kindled a fire; then, when it lighted all around him, Allah took away their light and left them in darkness. (So) they could not see. They are deaf, dumb, and blind, so they return not (to the Right Path)."

    Besides, I'm not going to tell you to pray all the sunnah or nafil prayers nor am I going to tell you to read like 100 pages of Quran everyday. It's none of that stuff. Just tell me how your current relationship with Allah is and inshallah I'll give you the easiest way for you to be happy in your life, okay? So, I'm gonna be waiting for your answer again. 🙂

    Salaam.

Leave a Response