Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why did psychosis interrupt with my deen?

Asslamuliakum.

I was 17 at the time dealing with a lot of stress. I was very depressed and unhappy and had suicidal thoughts. Allhamdillah I was born a Muslim so when I was going through hardship I turned to allah. I began praying 5 times a day. It completely changed my life , I became a whole new person! From wearing revealing clothes to wearing a scarf and a jubbah from having very little knowledge on how to pray I learned it all by myself and memorised it as I was was living with my grandparents who are non Muslim and was never sent to mosque. Then amazing things started happening to me ;my energy increased I noticed a change in myself like my skin becoming clear and smooth which was shocking as I suffer from severe eczema, my eyes became lighter it was all a blessing from Allah.

as I prayed 5 times a day I began getting deeper and deeper in to Islam and I started changing my duas and asking Allah for Answers and signs.

All of a sudden I began getting very strange and unusual thoughts (but at the time it all Made sense to me and I thought nothing of it) such as the devil is trying to kill me , I was the angel of death and it was my job to spread Islam and get as many people on the right path as I could. I began not focusing on myself and changed my diversions to everyone who crossed my path I told them all you must pray, you must pray the end is near. I became so paranoid that the devil was after me That I thought my own friends and family were working with him to kill me and that they all had jins In them. It became so bad that I stopped eating and sleeping. As the days went on I actually believed I was the devil himself and that’s when I started hallucinating I use to see people with there tongue out as-if it was a snakes tongue and that’s when the voices came as-well as the smell of death as I called it.

My eczema became very bad , I was in a bad way my thoughts all confused and the voice that would not leave me alone. The voice was telling me that it was Dylan (one of my friends ), this then made me believe that I was telepathic and I could read minds. The voice kept saying that the devil was in love with me and that I was thief.

As I had all these crazy thoughts in my head I was still attending college and trying to live a normal life but one day I was having a conversation with a boy out of my class for the first time and we was speaking about the prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and Jesus (pbuh) and I remember him saying things about prophet Mohammed saying he killed loads of people why should we follow him it was a very bizarre conversation but of course I thought I was doing my job to correct him and guide him. 2 days later I found out he murderd a boy stabbed him straight through his heart. I was totally shocked and was lost for words because he was the quietest boy in our class and I thought it must of had something to do with our conversation. Then a few weeks later my uncle passed away. I was surrounded by all these deaths that kept happening which made me thought the devil is trying to kill me he’s getting closer and closer.

Days went by and I was still hearing the voice and one day I got into an argument with my grandad and i generally believed he had a jin with him and he was trying to kill me but of course he was reassuring me to calm down and I actually rang the police saying he was trying to kill me. The police assessed me and eventually I was took into a psychiatric ward for children. The voice was with me still and I had daily conversations with it as I still believed it was Dylan. I was diagnosed with psychosis , anxiety , depression and a eating disorder. Of course I was in denial of it all I didn’t understand what psychosis was I refused to believe I was ill and I was perfectly fine.

2 months passed and I stopped hearing the voice I stopped getting these deranged thoughts, I stopped smelling the smell of death and I slowly slowly come to terms with psychosis and I understood that in fact I did have it and I was mentally and physically drained by that all that’s happend. As I was getting better my family would come and visit me and say to me now do you see how crazy you sounded to us all you received the help you needed and you’ve gotten better. Baring in mind I hadn’t realised that on the way I hadn’t effected them and lost friends. At last I was aloud home but was still on medication.

its been a whole year since it’s happend and I’ve only prayed a couple of times in that year. My Iman has been weakened and I’m back to living an ordinary normal life. why did psychosis interrupt with my deen ? Why did I become mental ?  I feel as-if allah saved me by placing me in that hospital but I also feel as though the shaytan has won, I’m frightened of putting on all that pressure on me again to pray in case I relapse I feel like I am letting Allah down by not praying. What do I do?

 

 

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. Salam sister/brother, MashALLAH you have very strong imaan. Shaitan or anyone else in the world can never kill you. Everyone has to die one day and everyones day, time is written by Allah. So just take out that thing from your mind.
    Being sick or having mental illness is your test from Allah to test your imaan that how strong it is. So be patient and pray.Allah says in the Quran Allah is with them who are patient. Good and bad times comes and goes just be strong and Allah will make things easy for you InshAllah.
    Never lose hope x

  2. Dear Sister: May Allah remove your affliction, your illness, the stress and pain you have suffered and give you comfort. Please know that Allah's comfort is so great that it can heal the entire world from all of its ills. I am asking anyone who visits this page to make dua for you and to let you know I will do that as well. According to what I have been taught, our beloved Prophet taught us that when we are ill our sins are not recorded. Even more than 1400 years ago, he understood that when we become ill, people may behave badly, may become grumpy, rude and inconsiderate or even worse. Sometimes we do not make our prayers. For many people who are seriously ill, it can be a challenge and a serious effort to even sleep and get out of bed, even if the person is not incapacitated.

    If your physician has prescribed medication, please continue to take it. You might also consider reading Quran daily to yourself, especially the refuge verses and the parts of Quran considered prayers for protection. You may also want to be diligent about your salah, along with making extra prayers and dua asking Allah to protect you from illness and fitnah. Do not worry about your religious obligations you failed to observe during your illness. In Islam, along with the basic beliefs, we have an obligation to accept the Qadr of Allah. This means that what experiences, good or bad, along with what personal qualities you may have is the Qadr of Allah. Some of us have different tests or challenges in life. Some of us are very beautiful and some of us are plain. Some of us have remarkable talents and some of us are just average. Some people are short-tempered and some of us are extremely kind and patient with others. This is the Qadr of Allah. This does not contradict the fact that humans have free will. Reading more about it might help you better understand and ease your mind.

    I sincerely hope you continue in your recovery, and that my brief response has given you some information that might be helpful. Continue to hold on to the rope of Allah. Insha Allah, Allah will give you a happiness and comfort to ease your mind.

  3. May Allah heal you. Make dua to Allah to heal you from this sickness. Make a lot of dua for yourself and for your iman. Listen to ruqyah and visit a raqi or do ruqyah on yourself wich is better. But a raqi is more experienced and can tell you if you have a jinn or magic done to you. This sounds like something of that sort to me.
    Maybe a magician send the jinn to you to harm you and to make you crazy. Make ruqyah and be patient it can sometimes take a while to get cured. And the cure comes from Allah.
    This is why you should not go to a raqi immediatly
    https://islamqa.info/en/139092
    But it is your choice if go to a raqi or not
    Listen to Ruqyah on you tube. It is Quran recited and Verses wich are very effective for healing of mental illnesses which are often caused by jinn ayn or magic.
    Let me know in the comments how your ruqyah is going. And leave the prayer just do a lot of ruqyah it hurts the jinn and the effect of the magic goes away. Read the three last surahs of the Quran every morning after Fajr and evening after magrib

    Abdullah ibn Khubayb (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: We went out on a rainy and very dark night, looking for the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to lead us in prayer, and we found him. He said: “Say,” but I did not say anything. Then he said: “Say,” but I did not say anything. Then he said: “Say,” and I said: What should I say, O Messenger of Allah? He said: “Say: Qul huwa Allaahu Ahad and al-Mu’awwidhatayn, in the evening and in the morning, three times, and they will suffice you against all things.”

    https://islamqa.info/en/126587

    May Allah give you the best in this life and the best in the next life and keep you steadfast in prayer.

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply