Will I ever find a man who will love me and my child?
assalaamu aalikum,
I don't usually post online my problems.. I'm usually one answering etc but this is something thats really bothering and getting me down lately..and its not getting better. After having a read at some posts here, i thought maybe I could get some good advice/support etc on my situation..
I've been divorced and basically... I feel ever so lonely. I have a daughter and my family alhamdulillah and without them, I dont want to imagine life and thumma alhamdulillah that I have them.. and its certainly not that I want my daughter's father back in my life, no way. But yet I have this loneliness... sometimes I'm just dying to have that someone special listen and love me.
I feel such temptations to have someone of the opposite gender (alhamdulillah not homo yeh lol) involved in my life. It's not just the sexual depravation.. but... just a companion to be with me.
Sometimes I feel so hopeless as I am a divorcee, with a child ..and in our community, it's next to impossible to find a practising God fearing man, let alone someone who will then want to marry a woman like me as well as be practising and impress my parents enough.
How do I cope with this?.. Has anybody else here been through this ...? At times I feel awful and think I'm such a weak slave of Allah s.w.t as many are divorced but well.. they look alright (on the outside at least?) and especially for women in our community who once divorced or widowed (and with child) are not really looked at for marriage again. I feel like my heart is giving me false hopes and dreams that one day I will be married to a man who will love me and my child... and I need to get rid of it. But I can't stop dreaming as life becomes too dull without it...
May the Almighty aid us all , Ameen.
- Inspire
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assalamu alaikum dear sister..... its normal to feel the way you feel dont worry.... even adam alaisalaam needed a partner so Allah created hawa alaiha salaam,before i got married i felt that loneliness wanting someone who can love me make me laugh tikkle me 😉 wake me up for fajr when im fast asleep someone to tell me read quraan make salaah u lazy girl 😉 then alhmdlh with alooot dua i got married at the age of 16 to a wonderful man alhmdlh! your divorced im so sorry i know how painful it is but do not loose hope i know of alot of divorced women with kids who got married again doesnt have to be a love marriage it cud also be arranged but things take time and ALLAH knows when the best time is for you 65- Surah At Talaq (Divorce) And whoever fears Allah He makes a way out for him (from pain and grief of this world and the Hereafter),
3. And He gives him sustenance from a source which he can never think of. And whoever puts his trust in Allah then He (Allah) is Sufficient for him. Surely Allah accomplishes His work entirely. He has certainly appointed a measure for everything. YOU SHOULD READ SURAH TALAAQ MORE OFTEN IT IS REALLY SOOTHING TO THE HEART may Allah make evrything easy for you.
Assalamu aleikum my dear sister in Islam..
Are you innocent I mean why do not you want your daughter`s father to come back to your life, is it that it is immposible for you, because he left his duties like being a good father to his family (you and his daughter)....if you are innocent and sincere nothing is wrong with you and you are in your best situation ever, on other hand, if you are the one who wanted to go out of your marriage without reasonable excuse "if you asked for devorse without reason" then you are in bad situation and you will be and please if you are the latter one please go back to your husband...
But, if you are the former one (innocent) you are in the best situation, because everything that happened to you e.i devorse, children etc has happened for reason and this is what would happen to you in your life that is called QADAR (difine) in Quran you can not avoid it, whatever you do wherever you are by dua asking good way Allah, things may change. Something very bad may happen to you or to someone around you that is also QADAR it does not depend on Allah`s love I mean may be Allah does not like that happening, but it is something writen down by Him...but Allah wrote "what He likes and that is Islamic law, sharia and whatever mentioned in Quran to do and said, done by prophet PBUH"..
May be you have seen many bad things people do those days and it is prohibited in Allah`s law, so do you think Allah loves those actions, answer is no, then if Allah did not write those things to happen then would them happen,answer is no....therefore, Allah did write many things to happen in this world, those happenings that He loves He legalized as Islamic law and He did write all of them for reason...WHAT I MEAN IS THAT MAY BE ALLAH DID NOT LIKE YOUR DIVORCE, BUT IT WAS SOMETHING WRITEN DOWN FOR YOU AND HE ONLY KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, ME AND ANYONE...
As He exalted said in Quran "Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not....2.216.
Comment: may be this decreed (divorce) is good for you as we do not know, but Allah knows best.
Future.
Have you ever dreamed the situation that you have seen yourself in, but Allah brought it to you and He will bring you through it. How you can say "I am hopeless" as nothing is in you hand I mean as you are not free to choose what happens to you and what not. You know, tomorrow may see you a pious man and marries you for the sake of Allah and may keep you both until death approaches you both, since man`s heart is in the hands of Allah and He changes man`s heart to whomever He likes from whomever He likes....
Allah says; "....And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out..And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent...65.2-3.
So my dear sister GIVE your future marriage to Allah and ask Him everyday and night and Allah never neglects one`s sincere heart and supplications...may be previous marriage you choise, so now GIVE Allah and He will choose for you the best and accept whatever Allah has given you....
About me: my dear sister I am also in the same situation with you as I am devorcee "I am forced to give talaq (to devorce) without any reason than I am younger than her (6years) although she knew it before our marriage and she was the one drived me into this marriage...our marriage lasted in two months and 15 days and I always wanted to go back to her as she has now a 1 and 4months old daughter for me alhamdulillah and before me she had a boy who is now 6years masha Allah... now I am 22y and everything is going smothely ahead alhamdulillah..
Although she is divorced two times "she forced both of her ex-hubands to divorce" her confidence is very high and she is now waiting for her third RISQ as Allah is the one who distributes Risq...people around her say to her "stop this kind of behavior as me, her ex-husband and herself are close relatives", but I do not think those divorces can make any changes to her future marriage though she is a bit violating her future with different children....SO YOU ALSO DO NOT THINK YOUR DIVORCE AND CHILD CAN MAKE ANY CHANGES TO YOUR RISQ....GET CONFIDENCE AND GO AHEAD.
Sincerely your brother in Islam Abdullahi.
As salamu alaykum Inspire,
What I can add to what has been said before is that to move forward you have to accept and surrender to your situation as it is now. I know it is tough but this is an opportunity for you to give thanks to Allah(swt) for every single blessing you have in your life, once you are truly living your now, at this moment you may encounter the future you long for, insha´Allah.
To live a possible future in your mind is unabling you for living your present. This is a fact, while you are daydreaming, you are fully in your mind, come back to your body and enjoy being alive with every cell of your body now, live here and now, this way you are giving the steps necessaries now to build up the future you want, insha´Allah.
Other thing, negative thoughts make dissapear the doors that could be openned, don´t close your own doors, work to be able to see the door and when you see it, be able to open it and once you open it, be able to cross the door and receive what is behind it, insha´Allah.
Hope gives energy to move on. Faith keep us in the track and mantain us strong. Do your salat, pray and bring a Smile to your Heart, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
i read you post, read it v carefully and you know what i saw? i saw a person / a woman who is in a v natural state of mind for that state of her life. thoughts like-Divorced and with a child! who would want to be with a woman like that? will i be alone forever? will i ever find someone who will love me?,want me? or be happy to have me?
I n s p i r e...... your name , it inspired me to ask you to hold on to your faith, your Allah pak. Hold on to him and trust yourself that no matter how much longer or sooner it will be for you to find a right match... it will come.
Its better for you to have time with yourself.. you need it. trust me sister, you need it. Things that have ended, NEED TO BE ENDED INSIDE....so you can move on as a strong woman... who is not waiting for a man to love her, instead who is ready to live life on her won with her daughter without waiting impatiently for someone else to bring joy into your life.
ITS ALL IN YOUR OWN HANDS TO GET UP, STOP FEELING LONELY AND GET BUSY WITH SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE. life is too short to let it passby. Find the happiness inside you.... dont seek it outside.
B e Happy. amin.
Asalam u alikum,
just an assurance that you are not alone. I can empathize with what you r going through. All i can say is that lets pray and hope that we will get better spouses to live a life the way we want. May Allah listen to our hearty wishes. Ameen