Confused and upset about the future
Love and Islam
salam alai kum
please assist me at the earliest as i am suffering from some serious confusion. i met this guy some months ago as my parents are searching for a potential groom. my parents liked him and asked me to speak to him . soon we grew fond of each other and had decided that marriage will happen very soon for us inshallah. even though we are from different countries we are both muslims, so my mom started praying isthikhara that everything goes well for us.
after a few days on my birthday actually i found out that his father was not happy with this matrimonial as he wants someone from their country but he assured me that he will convince them and we continued to talk. as we finished one month , that's when the problems started: first his friend died, then his mom got sick, then he got work problems, then he got legal problems, then another relative died then his grandmother became sick and now his court date has come up for the legal cases.
about him a little he has his own business but in his past he has history of alcohol and committing some other sins...but he changed from all this and started reading namz even since i came in his life
in the last 2 months we hardly spent time and speak properly with each other. many times i asked him as he is not giving me time, but he told me he is going through some times at the moment but as soon as it resolves he will come inshallah to ask for my hand in marriage. my family however is not happy with this delay, they dont know about his legal problems so they are asking me to open my heart to someone else and forget about him. nobody is innocent and i have made my mistakes in the past, hope allah forgives me from them, but since he came into my life i have changed completely. i started reading namaz 5 times a day, i read shukraney ki namaz, i read manzil, everything just to be thankful for allah to bring him in my life and i promised to continue this forever.
while marriage is decided by allah as he knows best, falling in love with him was not in my control . it is not so easy for me to let go, but as i dont want to go against my family and want to have halal relationship. i decided i should also read isthikara..in 2 of the 5 nights i did it, i saw a wedding one was my own ..in another one i saw my parents going for a wedding but they did not take me with them.
my relationship with him is not good at the moment as he is very busy and doesnt have time for me . meanwhile my parents are also not happy and i having lot of doubt of why everything is going so wrong even though this was suppose to be an arranged marriage. everyday i am crying and making dua as i love him and i want to marry him. i am 26 and want to settle down in marriage as my parents are very worried and i also dont want to make any haram mistakes by being close to him (even though he lives in another country ) as we may or may not get married.
kindly if someone could advice, who has strong islamic knowledge about what this means and what should i do as i am very upset about it. i cant study further or focus on my work as i am constantly thinking about him, why allah brought him in my life if there is no future and what i should do ...please please advice
jazakallah
rmk
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Asalamoalaikum Dear Sister,
You’re confused and upset about the future because you are failing to see Allah swt’s signs. I don’t blame you because you seem to be emotionally invested in this proposal but take a step back for a moment and try to see things objectively.
Let’s deal with facts first. This guy seems to have a heavy past with alcohol and committing other sins. Although you think he may have changed and that’s great, his past is still lingering today with legal problems. You say he’s started salat ever since you came in his life. I’m going to sit on the other side of the fence and say that’s great but wouldn’t it have been even better had he been offering his daily salat before you met him, especially since he’s committed these heavy sins?
Now let’s move towards the events after your Istikhara. Istikhara is not about dream interpretation, nor colours. Rather it’s about completely trusting Allah swt that He will show you the way that is good for you. You did istikhara and what suddenly happened? Deaths? Delays in your marriage proposal? Not only that, this guy is now too busy to give you time and there seems to be a rift being created between you both. The cherry on top, your parents are now getting annoyed and re-thinking this proposal as well. These my dear are all signs from the great divine.
I’m not saying that every marriage process goes perfectly smooth but the fact that you prayed Istikhara and continuous hurdles are now arising means that you need to open your eyes and protect yourself. You don’t know what He does and as hard it is for you, I highly suggest you kindly tell this man you’re moving forward in life.
You’re 26, I get it. I’m married and not too younger than you. I might also be going through a divorce in a few months time and I worry as well but I know that the one up there has a plan for me and I’m going to trust Him because really there isn’t anything else I can do. You need to put your trust in Him as well.
-Helping Sister
Nice answer!!
salam ...my dear yur problem is similar to mine always busy nd one thing that made me loved him the most was that he advices me he has totally made me a change person a pray 5times a day...and do other religious basisz