Islamic marriage advice and family advice

15 Years Old and Want to Commit Suicide

Stress

Stress can trigger many negative emotions and thoughts.

I am only 15 years old and nearly 16. i do understand the outside world and why people commit sins even though people may treat me like a child. This may sound stupid but i have been feeling so stressed out and it is so bad that i just feel like ending my life. i say i want to but i dont really know how. and anyway i am too scared as i know its a huge huge sin.

My family life is messed up starting from my mum who was phsyically abused by her mother and father when she was young who was then forced to marry my dad (her cousin). she never experienced love from the start and her sister who is now resting in peace died at the age of 18.

i was born when my mum was only 21 and unprepared. She had no support from my grandad and i was 2 years old when my aunty died. my grandad would hit her since since she was born and he would swing her around from her nappy and throw her down the stairs. my grandad would also hit my mum for stupid things such as not cutting the salad or forgetting to bring the salt and pepper to the table.

my mum also has a large bump on her head from my grandad when he hit her head on a sink just because he was angry that he had to leave work and pick his daughter up. He has never said sorry and now hardly speaks to me or my sisters. he's said that we are dead to him and long story short doesnt care.

My grandad married a white lady (my grandma) and didnt show her Islam and how muslims live and what we believe in. instead he set fire to all of her clothes when they got married and abused her. he would rag her hair out and now she is almost bald. my grandma is the most strongest woman i know. I dont even know if my grandma ever took the shahada or if my grandma and grandad got married the halal way. therefore i wonder whether my mum is  haram and therefore why she has such a bad life.

- A2001

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6 Responses »

  1. Salam, I have been suffering depression and am currently receiving therapy. I have also experienced similar things to you. Everyone has their own journey and at times when we r weak shaytan gets to us. Try praying making wudu and always ask Allah for help. And trust me get some counselling it will help as well as speaking to scholars or friends. If you need someone to talk to just to get the load off your head let me know as speaking helps elevate stress and lightens your load. Wish you all the best

  2. Assalamu alaikum,

    I am sorry to hear of such a horrible start to life for your mum and the tragedy of your aunt.

    Please abandon thoughts of ending your life and pray to Allah for the strength and patience to get to better times. Your mum deserves happiness and that can be your aim. Do your best in school/college, work hard and be patient. Make a better life for you, your mum and grandma.

    For where there is hardship comes ease, it's just a matter of being patient which is very difficult and part of the process of life.

    Learn to value yourself and recognise great things, like your ability to see an injustice. Your mum was born innocent and it is not her fault if your grandparents did not conduct a halal marriage. You need to move on from this line of thought as you cannot change or even confirm the past, and looking back is detrimental to your present and future.

    Take care and be strong, you have your whole life ahead of you. You will be such a resilient person and become confident in making the right choices in life, In sha'a Allah.

  3. Assalaamualaykum A2001,

    I am so sorry to hear of the tribulations in your family. I sense from your post that you are very strong as a person, the reason being that your mom has entrusted you with so many details of her past, a past that is now weighing on your shoulders more than it should have to.

    Please remember that none of the injustices done to your mother or grandmother are your fault or justify/deserve taking your own life. They are things that I believe you should have been shielded from if possible. However, there is a fate that we are born into as children and a fate that we take part in creating as adults, and Allah's test for you here has obviously been to help your mom in healing from her trauma. In talking to you about these trials, a burden was lifted from her heart and shared with you, and may you be granted Jannah for this alone.

    Nor

  4. Please do not make sucide it is totally haram.You are so strong that you are facing these peoblems with bravery i like u so much.May ALLAH bless you .Ameen .Please diker daily and connect with ALLAH And MUHAMMED SAW

  5. Dear

    You are in desperate search of love. Since this love is not available in your family, you must seek out in the company of pious people. At your age teachers in your school with religious affliation are the best choice in this regard.

    Take Care

  6. as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,
    may peace and mercy of God be with you,

    Dear brother/sister,

    I have heard many similar stories, and it appears what you may also be asking is, "why do bad things happen to good people?"; and thus, "why does evil exist?"

    As such, I highly recommend watching the following talk about a convert who went through a terrible past - his father was an extremely angry, alcoholic man who would beat his wife and him when younger; while his mother was the complete opposite, and a soft, gentle charitable lady who was also quite religious (Christian). Due to this, and other problems he saw in life, he eventually concluded that God didn't exist due to this evil, and became an atheist.

    The Purpose of Life - by Prof Jeffrey Lang

    It's a good talk which strengthens imaan and tries to make us see from a different perspective.
    And secondly, it's an excellent introduction to surah al-baqarah, pretty much a small tafsir (explanation).

    There's many excellent talks by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi in which he talks about "Why is there evil in this World?" from a theological and Islamic perspective. Here's a quick 4 min summary.

    Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala explains this in several ayah (verses of the Qur'aan), some of the most prominent: -

    Do you think that you will enter Paradise before Allah tests those of you who struggle/strive (in His Cause) and (also) tests those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones)? [3:142]

    Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allah?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near! [2:214]

    And it is He Who has made you generations coming after generations, replacing each other on the earth. And He has raised you in ranks, some above others that He may try you in that which He has bestowed on you. Surely your Lord is Swift in retribution, and certainly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [6:165]

    Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested? [29:2]

    And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). [2:155]

    Please be careful with satan's whispers of committing suicide, because as you know, committing suicide is a major sin which God will punish us with while we are still in the grave (i.e. the person who does this will be doing the same action over and over again as punishment in the grave before the day of judgement).

    I don't want to repeat some of the other good advice, but have patience, and strive to read the Qur'aan with understanding in your own language - i.e. try to come closer to God through the words and knowledge he has revealed to us; and inshAllah through that you will find inner peace and gain wisdom and insight into the world at large.

    Take care,
    and may the peace and mercy of God be with you...
    was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah.

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