Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A woman is a woman, be it any age…

muslimah righteous

The Prophet (sws) said: “This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this word is a righteous woman.” (Muslim)

Assalam Alaikum...
This is about a woman myself, who got very early married, when she was young and also her marriage didn't last more than 2 yrs. and is a divorcee, she has son, and from past 23 yrs, she has on her own efforts brought up her son, and graduated him, and now he is in marriageable age. And she is looking bride for her son to get married.

Alhumdullillah, being self dependent and being in a righteous path for these years long till now, She took entire responsibility of bringing up her son and also herself, she did her education correspondence, and now is employed in and educational industry, and her son is working in an computer organization. They both went through enough hardship in life, but she did not thought of marriage, since she was very much concerned about her son.

Those days parents thought a girl as a burden, and used to get them married early, same thing happened. They did not enquire properly about the man, as he said he is working in airlines. Which was not true, and things ended up and the marriage broke up.

And now she is 43 yrs, and also has plans to get settled in life for herself with a good companion, as she does not wants to be burden to her son and wants him to be dependent. She has spoken about this to her son also, and MashaAllah, both have good understanding about life. She wants a person who can understand her and support her in her endeavors.

Why she did not got married at that point of time was fear for her son, whether the other person will not take the responsibility, and other point was she was not confident on anyone. And she had postponed her plan for marriage for her future age when she feels that yes, now I want a companion for myself, as I am going to get my son married. and want him to be happy. She believes in one principle, Live and let live...

And also believes that every relationship has a bonding of friendship, be it a husband wife or parents or any relationship which is pure and true.

Now recent, as time is passed by she happens to find a person online, take it Facebook, where he starts communicating. initially, with respect, and later she finds he is very much younger, to her, and he says he is interested in her as she has a good SEERAT, and good character, and its her affection towards her.

She tries to explain her things, its not good, but he is not. And soon she realizes that he looking for sexual pleasure over phone. Then she directly asks him will he marry her lawfully if his intention is like this. Because she wants things in righteous way. He says OK. But how???? But no, no one on earth will want to cover a woman with respect, and give her that love and affection which he says over phone or anything such...

Even now he says he is happy over phone with her, when he speaks to her. but how to find out he is real or what. The problem is his profile is good online, but don't know. He is very silent. When ever he comes on chat he calls her near him. But wants to be sexually driven, and done also.
Because, her principles in life are different, where she believes in true relationship and law, and righteous way.

But when I went to out of station, I have told this to my cousin sister, she says, may be that he is interested in you, as he is good looking and may be things can happen. But not true, and how to believe, and find out, what is in his mind.

Please reading my post don't ever imagine that I am characterless, Allah knows very well, what is in my heart condition. Because I cant speak all this even to my son, where I am his example in his life. I have posted this because I want to know have I done mistake? or what is it???

I am loosing my self, my interest in job. I was with lots of confidence, and now feel desperate and fear will go into depression.

A woman is a woman, be it any age. And Islam has given right to her, in all aspects. Kindly advice....
Allah Hafiz...

Mah0102

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12 Responses »

  1. If he doesn't want to marry you and give you the respect you deserve then cut all contact with him. It will be hard. If he wants to marry then get married as soon as possible and continue and be happy.

  2. Assalamualaykum sister..i have seen many people going through similiar situation. Personally i think you shouldnt rush into things. If you want to take it further best option is to take a friend or a cousin with you and meet him face to face, this will help you see how he generally speaks to you (not sexually) and how he speaks to other people in real life. I would say do this few times before you decide to marry him. Please in matters like this dont think from heart use your brain and rely on God only.

  3. Salam Sister,
    In my opinion, he has already shown you what is in his mind by speaking with you in an inappropriate way. You have been patient for 23+ years, so don't be deceived by this person's attention on-line. A righteous man would not do what you have described.

  4. Sister,

    This man has already shown his true intentions. Huge turnoff. Who wants to be bothered with a man who hasn't the time of day to get to know you and the person that you are? Don't waste your time, you deserve way better.

    Salam

  5. Sister How can a good Muslim start talks with sexual way ? There is no point for you too continue this further .It will be a sin for you too ..Please remember most of these online people are fraud .I feel like you are getting trapped in some wrong place .Cut all contacts with him as it is haraam .Search through better network like through friends relatives ,friends etc etc ...all the best

  6. OP: e says he is interested in her as she has a good SEERAT, and good character, and its her affection towards her........ And soon she realizes that he looking for sexual pleasure over phone

    A man is a man, be it any age…. Most sexually active men especially older 30+ are looking for only one thing "sex" when they are in chat or on matrimonial pages. There approaches may be different, some may start with talking about religion. marriage but sooner or later it all comes to sex. Younger ones are also looking for sex, a few may find a marriage partner.

    Some young men may marry older women if they can get a chance to improve their lives.

    Lots of lonely people use Internet to make friends. I personally think there is nothing wrong if it makes a person happy.

    • "A man is a man, be it any age…. Most sexually active men especially older 30+ are looking for only one thing "sex"

      This includes you too right? How would you know what most man are looking for unless you have experience yourself.

      • Yes I am a man. I was asked to say few words on sex in this meeting........All I said was "ladies and gentlemen it gives me a great pleasure......." every one clapped.

        Do you disagree with what I said in my previous comment?

        • Don't avoid the question you stated "A man is a man, be it any age…. Most sexually active men especially older 30+ are looking for only one thing "sex"

          The question was if this also included you as well because its the only way you can know what other man are looking for. All I ever see from your comments is you degrading every damn Muslim man as if their the most vile creatures to have ever existed.

          "Most sexually active men especially older 30+ are looking for only one thing "sex" when they are in chat or on matrimonial pages. There approaches may be different, some may start with talking about religion. marriage but sooner or later it all comes to sex. Younger ones are also looking for sex, a few may find a marriage partner."

          You say all this , but how do you know? what is your source of info?

  7. You should talk to sisters who have spent time in chat rooms, met men thru Internet and matrimonials etc and you will know the truth

    Even right here if you read the original post you can see the experience poster had with a guy she met on facebook...................And soon she realizes that he looking for sexual pleasure over phone.............. When ever he comes on chat he calls her near him. But wants to be sexually driven, and done also.

  8. Ok I should talk to which sisters? Which sisters will openly admit they go in chat room and talk to non mehrams? And why would I talk to a sister about something like that? That's disgusting. Just because there are sisters on here who have bad experiences does not mean every sister does or that every man is out for sex? You still avoid the question as to how you know most man are looking for sex and if it includes you or not because that's the only way you could know something like this.

    The truth is you have this retarded habit of bashing Muslim man, are you even muslim your self? Because a Muslim is not suppose to talk badly about another Muslim. I have read a lot of your other comments and its the same bs over and over. Most of the time you don't even offer advice you just ask pointless questions. Now when a question is directed towards you , you avoid it. Interesting isn't it?

  9. First you say this: Most sexually active men especially older 30+ are looking for only one thing "sex" when they are in chat or on matrimonial pages

    Which would discourage the OP to continue trying to find a good match for her through the internet.

    Then all of a sudden you think there is no problem with it. ie: I personally think there is nothing wrong if it makes a person happy.

    Contradicting advice , if it can even be considered advice.

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