Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Betrayed and cheated but i still love him

abusive husbandI'm seeking help and advice i been with this guy for 3 1/2 years, we been through so many problems and still together.Our ups and down we stick together but year  2010 month of May I feel something going wrong. I have so many speculation and feeling that he was cheating on me.I found so many hints and so many marks that lead me finding the truth but since i love him so much and we on the process of settling down i just keep those things as nothing and im trying to convinced myself that he still be loyal and honest to me that he will not do such thing to me.

But this month of November 8th 2010 everything will fall in my head. This date early 4am i found out eveything that he was cheating on me and he is trying to bring the girl in our own place and this date is the first time he beat me and slapped me and kick me by all his force and lead me to many bruises all over my body and slapped my face and marks black eye. But still at the end of 2 hrs of beating me he said sorry and still keeping me and explaining to me there is no girls he is trying to bring in our place.

Then after 2 days he did it again all the physical pain slapped my face till all my lips started to bleeding and some kicks again till i cant stand up until to the point he is cursing my family and also throwing me some water on my face and admit to me that he is having affair with another girl but yet since i love him so much to the mere fact that he is beating me im still with him.

And then he repeated this thing till the 5th times then i decide to leave him but he stopped me and he still keeping me.but everytime im asking him where i stand to his life because im so tired for everything even im his beside he is talking to that girl and there relationship is still going on and till now even i try to leave him i dont have guts to do that because im still fighting my love.

I really love this person and i want to spend my life with him for the rest of my life.But he did so much lies to me and he never stop lying to me i was really really hurt i want him to come back to me and just me on his life nobody else except Allah first and his mom his family and me. But how will i do that i want to keep him and my relationship and back our life like before.

Please help me. I'm seeking the right word and answer with this problem.


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9 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, Izza,

    Thank you for sharing and for opening your Heart.

    I assume for your words that you are not married to him, then I assume too that the reason to stay there is your love towards him. And other thing I assumed is that you know what you are doing. I don´t really like to assume, but your words are relationship and this person, not marriage and husband.

    Thinking about this, what first come to my mind is that you should reinforce your love towards yourself, nobody has the right to abuse you, nobody has the right to beat you, nobody has the right to put your health at risk (STD being with other woman, you should go to your doctor to be checked),....

    We belong to Allah(swt), our Life, our body are gifts and blessings from Allah(swt), we have the huge responsibility of taking care of ourselves and we deserve to be respected, loved and supported by our loved ones, at the same time we have that obligation towards the others, being respectful, loving, .... and all of those good qualities we can think off.

    Love yourself more than you love him, your Life only can be lived by you, you are the owner of your thoughts, your words and acts, please put yourself in Allah´s(swt) Hands, give the love you have towards that man to
    Allah(swt), focus your way towards Him, repent for your sins, do your salat, ...

    He is a liar, violent and is cheating on you, your life doesn´t worth a penny for him, see his acts, people doesn´t change from morning to night, please go with people that really loves you, get strong and move ahead with your life. Seek for proffessional counselling to move on, you deserve the best, insha´Allah.

    Please, don´t wait until you get pregnant or until is too late, you deserve to Live your unique Life, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

  2. Sister Izza,

    I read this poem on this website some days ago, but do not remember which post it was in. So I found it on the net. Its called 'He gave me flowers':

    I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
    We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things
    that really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn't mean to say the
    things he said - because he sent me flowers today.

    I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
    Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me.
    It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to find
    that they aren't real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
    I know he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

    I got flowers today. And it wasn't Valentines Day or any other special
    day. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me.
    Makeup and long sleeves didn't hide the cuts and bruises this time.
    I couldn't go to work because I didn't want anyone to know
    But I know he is sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

    I got flowers today and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
    Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the other
    times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids?
    What about money? I'm afraid of him and too scared to leave him!
    But he must be sorry - because he sent me flowers today.

    I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
    It was the day of my funeral.
    Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death.
    If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him.

    So I got flowers today - for the very last time.

    ~Author Unknown

    Perhaps it will make you think.

    SisterZ Senior Editor

  3. Salam sister,
    after reading your post, I strongly urge you to NOT walk BUT run away from this crazy psycho! A person under the influence of drugs has little if no sense at all for his actions. This person displays a lack of empathy and remorse for what he is doing to you. As sister Maria has stated, he is a liar, cheater and violent person. I know you have feelings associated with this person, but realistically do you intend to live your whole life in this aspect? What if tomorrow may be your last because the abuse has taken a toll and resulted in your death?
    Sister, for me cheating is the ultimate limit. I cannot stand the person whom I love and want to marry is being shared or sharing himself with someone else. This person is blatantly doing so. Why are you settling for something so low. Do you think less of yourself in any way? Sister, you deserve a man who loves only you, not a few other women! If you end this relation with this person you will definitely endure a lot of pain in the present, but I assure you, with the help and blessings of Allah, inshAllah you will heal and live a happy life. What's better, to experience time being pain or eternal pain? You're smart enough to decide and make the RIGHT choice!
    My duaas are with you.

  4. My sincerest apologies here! I wrote about drugs which was mentioned in another article! Please disregard the drug aspect, the rest is intended and written for you :).

  5. Salaam Sister

    Please please sister love yourself first, Allah swt loves you, we dont hurt the ones we love,
    please please leave this man, please protect your self, it will take time to heal, but Allah will help you get over him, Allah will help you get though this,
    Please go find support, it is Nov 2011 and i am hoping that you have left already, May Allah swt heal your heart and bless you with happiness in this life and the next, stay strong sister.

    Loads love you sister in the deen xxx

    "If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful". (3:31)

    Allah said: "surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves". (2:222)

    It is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. (Al-Baqra: 216)

    1 Corinthians 13
    4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
    5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
    6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
    7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  6. i 'm betrayed but i still love the same guize . don't know why but i just feel he is only in my life. but he damm care me

  7. Its better to leave him in peace.. because if you love him so much, Thats what he wants you to understand . I have been through this dear. Its never too late..
    Start yourself a new life...

    Life doesn't end here.

    A new life starts from here..

    Take care

    God bless you Sis.

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