Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can´t help loving him, don´t know what to do

marriage marry love

I'm 17 and I'm from Pakistan. A month ago this guy proposed me and wanted me to become his girlfriend. So basically I turned him down saying I'm too young and immature for this stuff, and he will find someone better because I can't cheat my parents and meet him.

Anyway, we were good friends and he always respected me, and stood by my side always. One day I asked him why do you even like me, because I'm pretty average. He said "I love your personality and character". Well, we had a common friend (another guy) who also seemed to like me. He told me bad stuff about that guy's character. I was quite shocked because he seemed very nice, but again Allah knows what's inside your heart.

Again he indirectly confessed that he liked me, and I turned him down again, but whenever I would do so I would feel guilty and my respect for him would increase. At one point I also caught feelings for him, but I couldn't do anything. When I was in my college one day I took a dictionary for some work. I randomly opened a page and  I don't know how, but I saw his name there. Maybe it's a coincidence but it happened twice in different ways, so I thought maybe that's a sign, so I accepted his offer.

We were together maybe a week or so just texting and video calls. He introduced his siblings (they were younger). He asked me to meet him after college, I simply said no and he was kind of upset that I don't trust him. I told I did, but I was not comfortable plus I can't cheat my parents. He understood and promised he won't ever do that again. He just wanted to hear my voice on the call and I said that's totally fine.

Then I told him the rumors about his character, and he asked me, "don't you trust me?" I said I did but that people can change in a blink of eye. He gave me passwords to all his social media and told me to keep them, and said, "I swear to Allah I have many flaws, but I'm sincere towards you". I can't help but love him more. It's so wrong, but it feels so right.  I don't know what to do at this point.

-Maryammmm

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4 Responses »

  1. It's your age that is making you have love kind of feelings towards him. The age, media, our social circle always influence us. The love feeling you have is just because you might be getting this attention first time. It's human instinct, to been loved and appreciated by some one. Because he is giving you attention that's y you are feeling infatuated. Ye sirf lagao hy un baton ki taraf Jo wo karta hy. Love is something really different whatever you watch in films and dramas.
    I really appreciate and congrats you for not going out with him. Don't do it in your life ever or you will repent on what I have done.
    Life does not rewind whatever is passing by just gone. Zindagi main koi bhi qadam sirf apni khushi ky liye na uthana. Hamesha ye sochna ky Jo main ker rahi hon agar kal isky bary main socho go to kiya main or mera zameer satisfy ho ga.
    Second agar mery parents ko is ky bary main pata chala gaya to kiya wo khush hon gy ya naraz. Agar nazar hon gy to definitely Kuch wrong hy.
    Or Islam main love mohabbat Kuch nhi hota
    It's haram or hamary Pakistani culture main unfortunately isko bura nahi mana ja raha
    Ap a khayal rakho and focus on your study
    Set a goal and chase that goal.
    Is raasty sy jitni jaldi wapis aa sakti ho aa jao.

    • As Salaam Alaikum ,Clearly this is unIslamic unfortunately my dear sister if the man did love you and respect you he would not be behaving this way. My advise is to end this now whilst you can and find a spouse who is religious and of good character.

  2. If you not ready to marry him now or let him meet your parents don’t date him . Your too young for this focus on your education a

  3. Firstly, not just at 17, even if someone asks you to be their girlfriend at 27, do not do that, because Islam does not believe in any type of relationship between opposite genders without proper commitment, regardless of what age you are at. You did right by turning him down.

    You should have distanced yourself from him when he had made such a proposal to you. You should not let anyone who asks for such a thing be in your circle. Do not be friends with such people.

    Sister, you should not get yourself involved into relationships, because this is your age to concentrate on your studies only. I don't know if you are ambitious and want to have a career, but if you do, then those things require a lot of concentration. Even if you are not ambitious, and don't want to have a career, even then you should not get yourself involved with any guy.

    Do not feel guilty for doing a right thing when you turned him down. It is natural to feel emotionally attached to someone or like someone at this age, but you must know that this is not your age to commit to anyone like this. If you want to, then do it properly like Islam has taught us. Which means that you must get your parents involved, otherwise, do not deceive your heart and yourself. You will only get your self into a heartache and become sad. Don't do this to yourself.

    You should not start any relationship, because you must know this fact that Allah does not give such signs which lead to unislamic stuff, which leads to haram. This is not from Allah. It is from Satan and Satan is very cunning in laying down his traps. Satan leads people to do haram and wrong things slowly. Do not talk to a non-mehram on the phone.

    If you like this person then tell your parents. Ask him to tell his parents too. You should not have this relationship without the permission of your parents and without getting engaged and committed. Even if you get engaged, don't go out with each other and talk to each other till you get married. If your parents don't agree, then don't take this matter any further. Stay away from him. It does not matter what your heart feels, because our desires often trap us into wrong things. Don't fall into such a trap and don't hurt yourself in the process.

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