I am ready for my marriage, but the culture makes me fear my future
Indian Dowry Culrure
I am 23 year old Muslim girl from India. Soon i am turning 24. i belong to a middle class family. since 20 years my father had faced a bad time and is poor financially. but the societal status is still better because of the background.
And the problem now arises that how will i get married when my father had no money to spend on my marriage and the dowry culture is very prevalent here. my parents gave me a good education and am working and drawing a nominal amount of income.
But that too is not enough to conduct a marriage. whenever i look forward to my future i feel very depressed as i don't see any hope to get married to a good family. i feel like i will grow old when the circumstances will be in favor.
please suggest something so that i can get out of my pain. normally i am casual with my life but whenever i think of marriage i feel very low.
- amreen
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What do you mean your father has no money for your marriage? It's not your father who's supposed to provide for you when you're married, that's your husband's job. If you're talking about the actual wedding then...don't have a big, extravagant wedding - you buy what you can afford. Thatøs how life is for everyone, you live according to your means.
As for the dowry, I don't understand why you worry about that...Islamically, it's not the woman who pays the dowry, it's the man who has to pay YOU a dowry.
Islamically, true. But it is a huge problem in under-developed and developing countries (specifically - India). Dowry is a BIG issue. Women are tortured for dowry and some are even killed. This is actually a non Muslim tradition which they themselves wish to oppose. Sadly, it has found place in Muslim homes and our daughters stay unmarried just because their parents have no money and they can not buy the groom a car and household appliances such as refrigerator, washing machine, TV, etc.
Many weddings, even though not extravagant, have a brand new car parked outside, decorated, marking a "dowry" from the woman's family for the groom. People are so ignorant that they even tell the Qaadhi/Imam: "Shaikh, I have taken so much amount in dowry, please do not speak anything against dowry in the Nikah Khutbah". This is how serious it is and this is the context of the sister's post.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree It really makes me sick that how can some groom family even ask like that.... Even I saw one of my cousin got married with Indian Muslim and the family asking for a flat then her brother told the groom family that "we are not here selling my sister" they were also not that rich. But now she is happily married with 3 kids with Pakistani man living in USA.
So sister pray to Allah to give you best partner who will support you in good or bad situation not greedy. And if you did any sins or mistake at past ask Allah's forgiveness and pray for good husband. And surely Allah will answer your call.
It saddens me to hear this. Very much...
sister,
I know about your country to an extend.
InshaAllah there will be many pious men in India.
alhamdulillah.
There are many pious men who do not take dowry from the bride's side.
Usually a pious man looks for a pious woman to be his wife.
I do not know about your religious commitments.
If you are a religiously committed woman then inshaAllah you will easily find a pious man for marriage who will not ask you for dowry instead give you the dowry(mahr).
you said " am working and drawing a nominal amount of income. But that too is not enough to conduct a marriage. " .
What do you have to do ??
Marriage can happen in a simple way
nikah can take place at the masjid.
and the valima will be given the Groom's side.
What are the expenses you/your family has to bear?
The most blessed marriage is that which is affordable; the less the expenses are, the greater the blessings.
may Allah make it easy for you and all of us.
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Salam, sis I really feel that your worries are unavoidable, as there is nothing much which can be done against this deep rooted dowry culture. Therefore my advise for you would be to just pray alot and leave it to Allah, IA your prayers will be heard. And you should take help of different Wazaifs specifically for the purpose of marriage.
Assalamualaikum sister,
I understand that it is difficult to find a man who does not take dowry in India. But there are actually many. Many people who follow the Sunnah strictly oppose dowry. You should look for such a man and trust me, it is the best possible thing.
If a man can take dowry, he is not religious in the true sense until he returns it. If he asks for dowry, he is not the one for you. If you tell me which city you live in, I can guidr you to an Islamic Center. You can appraoch them with your father, talk about marriage and about looking for a man and see if they can assist.
Even if your father knows someone who is such, it will be great.
Whatever it is, trust in Allah and hope for good from Him. Whenever you find a potential match, perform Salatul Istikhaarah to seek His Guidance.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As long as I Remeber the ( guy family pay for everything) I'm from northern Iraq if a girl get married the guy family pay for the wedding, house, car and he buy the bride family gifts. Only non Muslims both pay for there weddings from what I have heard. Onless things must have change for some cultures.