Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Father passed away, now brothers beat our mother and me

abuse violent physical beatSalam to all!
May Help us all.

I am a 22 years woman old living in pakistan. Everything was perfect in life until my father got ill in 2014. That is when my brothers started hitting me, my mother, my father and elder sister ( i am the youngest).

My father passed away in dec 2017 but all the abuse continued till today. My brothers would beat us over issues such as my father not leaving us enough money to buy property, to having less salt in curry. Or if the food is 5 mins late or if it not according to their liking.

since 6 years we are bearing all this. In 2018 my sister got married and she move out of the country and now me and my mother are stuck with them. we are always scared that they will start fighting over petty issues. WE cant sleep properly.

Sometimes when i wake up my mother is getting beaten up, and her cloths being torn by my brother and slapping and dragging her and me by our hair if i try to stop them. We tried to seek help from one of our cousin who they used to listen to but that cousin went out in family and made wrong stories about us. and we are not much in touch with our relatives as we went bad financially because of my father's illness.

Since 2014, when i was 16 i am doing job to earn money for house. They only let me go to work because they have to pay for the plot installments that they are trying to buy.

but they don't give their own whole salary. They keep some of it for themselves whereas i give my whole salary. The point is i am tired of getting beaten up and seeing my mother beaten up. i cant see it anymore. last time my brother slapped me so hard that he ruptured my ear drum because i tried to stop him from beating my mom and i have all the videos as evidence.

It hurts me emotionally and mentally i feel like i am in a cage. I am not allowed to even get 10 mins late from office. if i do due to work my mother gets beaten up.

I tried to ask my mother so many times to move out, but she is not listening and she is all about, "what would people think after your father if i couldnt keep the family together?" I tried to talk her through the moving out thing but she is not listening to me and she cant leave her sons.

Would it be haram or forbidden if i move out alone? i mean to a safe place only me. I know my mother will be upset and she will keep calling me but i cant see and bear it anymore.

I do have an apartment from office where i can move out and live on my own in peace.

Would Allah get angry on me if i do so? cause my mom wont be happy and she will keep calling me back.

Please suggest me a solution.

- Lostfaria


Tagged as: , , , , ,

14 Responses »

  1. My dear girl

    So so sorry to know you are being abused by your brother, which part of pakistan you are, I’m sure you will get help.you are sensible enough MashaAllah, it is perfectly all right for you to leave and find yourself a safe shelter once you are out you can find help and take your mother with you..your brothers should be jailed.
    Don’t they know of hell fire!I May Allah guide them & give Hidatah. Tell your mum not to worry about people..-there’s no such thing as “what people will say” it’s our own imaginations. Do what’s necessary to protect yourself and your mother! InshaAllah. You make intentions to make your life better Allah will help you InshaAllaj.
    Please carry on with your SalaH. InshaAllah help will come but you must make effort.

    َحْسبُنَا َّاللََُّوِنْعَماْلَوِكيل
    (2) Dua for Miracles

    Prophet Ibrahim (as) called out with “hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakeel” as he was being launched into the fire by his non believing community -
    Allah (swt) made the impossible happen, and turned the fire into a cool bliss.
    Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم said this abundantly as the Muslims were severely outnumbered in the Battle of Badr, & Allah (swt) again made the impossible happen, & sent down angels to fight alongside the

    I know a lot of organisation who can help you find shelter for you and your mum..May Allah guide your brothers.

    • ZW Jazak'Allah for the advice and for the dua!
      I kept asking my mother to move out but she was never ready to do so, i just moved out to an apartment my office offered me ( due to my promotion recently ) I just got promotion and I thought maybe this is the opportunity and I shouldn't say no to this. But my mother (may Allah give her health and give her Hannah in the afterlife). She didn't move out with me. My mother and my sister keep saying that I should be ashamed of myself that I left the home (as girls of good home don't do this) and they keep saying that I am a disgrace to the family. My mother is not thinking in that way that I am trying to help her and myself. Instead, she is asking me to come back and that she will get me married afterwards and then after marriage I don't need to see her. But I don't want to go back and face all of that again and just wait for my marriage?? as it was really difficult to move out and face everything emotionally.

    • Also, she is saying that "getting beaten up is not a big deal, it happens to everyone in every household"

  2. I do not suggest you to leave house without your mother because these kind of man like your brother will start doing your character assassination. It seems your are courageous and brave girl, however you have to involve some trustworthy friends in this issue. Is your brother married? If so then you may separate out your kitchen. Very heartbreaking situation. Love you

    • Asma,
      I already moved out as my mother wasn't ready to move out with me I tried really hard but she ends up shouting on me now when I asked her to come with me. We tried to involve a cousin 2-3 years back but that didn't help. My brothers are not married. We tried to get them married but that didn't work.

      Loads of love to your way

      • Get them married so they can abuse their wife?? These men need to be publicly named and shame. Go to your police station and or local politician and ask them to help yyou

  3. This is terrible. Never heard such a thing. Your brothers have major psychological issues. You both are in danger. Whether you move out or not don’t leave your mother to these monsters. Take her with you. Save yourselves. Tell your mother, who cares what others will think about family separation. Just make up a story to your relatives, not everyone has to know everything. You have to take a big step, you have to be strong to save both of yourselves.

  4. Tell your mother, people will have nothing to say about you or her if your brothers beat you to death. Your life and your mothers life are in danger. This abuse should not be tolerated. If you have a safe place to go, go. But do so safely. Be careful that your brothers do not find you. Talk with your mother urge her to leave. Tell your mother that you will leave with or without her, as the only reason she is staying is worries about talk. Find an organization around you that helps people of domestic abuse. What other people say about you means nothing. You have an obligation to the body Allah has given you to protect it. I pray Allah you are safe and blessed

    • I agree completely with Heather.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Jazak'Allah Heather and Wael,

      I kept asking my mother to move out but she was never ready to do so, i just moved out to an apartment my office offered me ( due to my promotion recently ) I just got promotion and I thought maybe this is the opportunity and I shouldn't say no to this. But my mother (may Allah give her health and give her Hannah in the afterlife). She didn't move out with me. My mother and my sister keep saying that I should be ashamed of myself that I left the home (as girls of good home don't do this) and they keep saying that I am a disgrace to the family. My mother is not thinking in that way that I am trying to help her and myself. Instead, she is asking me to come back and that she will get me married afterwards and then after marriage I don't need to see her. But I don't want to go back and face all of that again and just wait for my marriage?? as it was really difficult to move out and face everything emotionally.

    • Also, she is saying that "getting beaten up is not a big deal, it happens to everyone in every household"

      • Your mom is in denial. Your sister and mother saying that you are bringing shame to the family is despicable. It’s hard to convince someone With small minded cultural thinking. You stay where you are at, try to be happy and make your own life.

  5. Hello my sis
    Give me his contact number I am gonna talk to him

Leave a Response