Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced Marriage, should I ask help from Police?

Forced Marriage and Islam

Hello I'am 17 years old and my parents are forcing me to marry someone I don't like. I have spoken with my parents many times but they abused me or frightened me not going college. I have  tried to like the guy but I can't like him although he's a good person I have other dreams and my parents knows about my dreams but they don't care. My parents wants me to get married so our other family members will get jealous. In my family girls will get married at the age of 15 ,16 and 17 our parents won't let us study because apparently if girls study and learn more they won't be good girls. I really love my parents especially my mother I don't want to hurt her, I'am really scared I don't know what to do. My mother has been through a lot and I  don't want to be another issue she's already saying that she hates me and Allah will never forgive me because I have made my mother sad and now I'am engaged with the guy for 3 months I always say I love the guy to make my parents happy and if I say I don't love him they will abuse me again I have tried everything to break the engagement but nothing worked and from now on I don't care about them because I've noticed that they don't care about me. I'am thinking about to go police for help because I know that they will help me. Please help me is it wrong to go police.


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5 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister Peri,
    As Salaam Walaikum
    I can understand your situation and pain that you're going through but the right way to explain to your parents is through the guidance of Allah.
    Forced nikah is not allowed in Islam and there are various references in ha deerhound regarding the same.

    The following incident clarifies the position of forced marriages in Islam;

    Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

    He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

    At first, the Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) told Al Khansa to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concerns of fathers for the well being of their daughters is well known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her in to marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

    You can talk to both of your parents and refuse them with kindness. Being obedient to your parents is very important but if they are forcing you to go for something that is against the shariah and is unislamic, then you should speak to them, discuss with them, tell them that you love them, respect their decision but since it's about your entire life, they should think about your happiness too, your dreams too.
    Also, please make dua and ask Allah for guidance. In distress, it is only Allah who can help you. Ask for forgiveness, offer your prayers, your salah and Allah will help you in the best possible way.

    Jazakallah Khayran

    • Agree with above

    • I agree with the above too do not involve the police it'll hurt rather if you have a sheik near by beg him to talk to them for you but make du'a about it also

      • Agree, if discussion with your parents is not going to help them you can involve someone who is elder on your family, whom your parents respect, someone knowledgeable in Islam, or a local imam or sheikh. Involving police in your family will further ruin your relationship with your parents.

  2. What's actually the point of having a discussion with parents that refuse discussion and disagreements? The girl has already told her parents multiple times that she doesn't want to marry this guy and their response to her is to abuse her, tell her they hate her and robbing her of her right to say no. So clearly, "calm discussion" has not helped this girl, nor changed her parents' mind about forcing their minor daughter (which she is at 17) into a marriage she doesn't want to be in. You advice someone to discuss issues with their parents when you know their parents are actually open and willing to have discussions and are able to give their children their Islamic rights. You don't suggest calm discussion when a person tells you that their parents abuse them if they disagree. So, so, so dumb.

    I also think it's a bad idea to involve the religious community in delicate issues such as forced marriage. In front of the sheikh the parents can pretend to agree with him and the sheikh will leave their house thinking he's made a difference. Meanwhile, the girl will suffer the consequences of more abuse - for involving other people and shaming them - and the forced marriage will still go ahead, as planned. Where will the sheikh be? He'll have forgotten all about this girl as soon as he's left her house, and never follow up on her issue again.

    Sometimes, the police is the only way to go (provided you live in a country where the system and police force isn't corrupt), and there is no shame in involving them. To be honest, parents that want to force their teenage daughters into marriage should expect a knock on the door from the police, if they are the least bit smart.

    If you live in a Western country, I think you should go to the police, talk to a social worker, or some kind of authority that will protect you from being forcefully married.

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