His family gave me hope and have now rejected my proposal.
I really need some advice on what to do.
There is this guy that i want to marry and he wants to marry me also. We know each other's families. We're not having a relationship at all. He has told his family he wants to marry me and after learning that he wants to marry me I've told my family that I also want to marry him.
He has recently just got divorced. His sister has spoken to my parents about my rishta for her brother but we just found out that she has asked another girl in the family for her rishta and they have said yes. But that girl is not divorced yet and they are waiting for her to get divorced. From what I know, her brother is not happy with that rishta but his family have insisted he marries her because she will handle the house better than any other girl could.
I know the guy is not happy with this rishta but is doing it for the family and the family are doing this rishta for all the wrong reasons. I feel very upset because I really wanted to marry that guy, they asked for me, gave me hope and then dropped me like I wasnt a human being but merely an extra option for them. I know it's not the guy's fault, it's his family that are pressurizing him.
Could you help me please. What shall I do? What dua can I read for them to come back and ask for my rishta. I'm reading surah fatiha, surah rehman, surah kosar, and surah muzamil. Could you please tell me what surah to read which will benefit my situation. I feel really down, I saw a future with this guy but his family don't want me in their family. I'm doing it the islamic way and I'm reading sabak. Plz do dua for me. I dont know what to do. Because the guy and myself both want to get married but its just his family dont agree
Samera london
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Asalaamualaykum Samera,
Honestly speaking, I think you should move away from this situation, this family and this man. The man maybe 'nice', but how strong is he? His parents are running after something for him that is actually haraam, they are waiting for girl to become divorced so she can be married to their son. Thats some messed up way ot thinking. If this man does not have the common sense and strength to speak up about the audacity of such a situation to his parents, then I would question his ability to be a strong husband to you.
Do the safe thing, distance yourself and do dua for Allah to give you a husband who is good for your deen and for your life in this world and the next (as apposed to praying for him come back to you). If this man comes back to you wholeheartedly with the ability to stand up to his family, then consider it. Either way, accept the outcome as Allah's Will and look out for yourself by protecting your emotions and your deen. Allah knows what we do not and perhaps by withholding this from you, Allah is protecting you.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam sister
i totally agree the above post as she has explained to you in a simple way
sister if i were u i wouldnt marry som1 who iz divirsed ,how do u knw watz in hiz heart beliv me siis ,som tymez i do regret that i married my hubii who has a son from proivse married ,REMBER IF U MARRY HIM U WILL ALLWAYZ FEEL THAT UR DA SECOND N SPECIALLY I WOULDNT MARRY HIM IF HE HAS A SON OR DUAGTHER COZ REMBER HIZ KIDZ WILL GET INVOLED N U DONT UR HUBII 2 BE SHEARD DO U
my sister... u know i m in the same situation as u r .. my guy is also a bit weak as he is very obedient toward his family he cant do anything he always listen to his family and when he talked about me they said a no telling some status differnce , i think they prefare a rich family gurl ......i dont knw they are also a religious family but i really somtymz cat understand what kind of religious family
but the only difference is that he has shown some strength to me and he told me he will try his best to get marry to me if they dont get agree atleast he will not marry for such a stupid reason "MONEY"
but the man has to stand for u and not for somthing that isnt allowed . it is very essential .if he is not strong enough to handle this believe me he wont b able to stand for anything .
this time its the man who has to do all n not u ..
just pray ALLAH n trust . i do the same these days ! it does is difficult but ofcourse ALLAH will take care of all .Inshallah . may Allah help u and give him the strength to stand for himself.ameen
Asli, I don't think you realise but any reasoning you have given this Sister is based on your own personal insecurities. There is absolutely nothing with taking on someone else's child, in fact it is a blessing and there is alot of reward in it from Allah.
You say you don't recommend anyone marrying a man who has a child from a previous marriage because the wife will have to share her husband. To me, your thinking is seriously flawed.
Your own post regarding your jealousy issue was published and answered this morning and these issues of insecurity were reflected there aswell. Will you have a problem when your husband gives your own daughter attention aswell? We do not own our spouses and we do not belong to anyone but Allah(swt). Although we do have rights and duties to one another, these differ depending on the nature of relationship, so any good man/woman will give time, love and
attention to his/her parents, children, siblings, friends and the Ummah, including his/her spouse.
You said in your post that your husband is sweet, but you regret marrying him because he has a previous child. Seriously Asli, if you were married to any other man who did not have any children from a previous marriage/relationship and also did not have an ex wife, most likey you would still find some issue and solely because the problem lies within yourself. The problem is your insecurity.
Having this sort of thinking is suffocating not only for the people around you but also for yourself. It is bad for your health and for your soul and tightens the chest.
I sincerely advise you to open your heart and learn to accept people around you. Start living to please Allah, when you do this, you will naturally find yourself becoming loving and open hearted towards other people and they won't seem such a threat to you anymore.
Love for yourself what you love for others.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam sisterz
thank u so much for your advice. i had written this quite few months ago and at that time i was like i want to marry him and only him kind of behaviour. i was quite impatient and felt rejected in terms of his family . i was very depressed at that stage n felt like i wnt be able 2 get over this. i knew he wanted to marry me but he jus cudnt and cant stand up to his family. bt i understand u get lots of advice letters and i had to wait.
i kept prayn in my duas i would ask ya Allah plz make it hapen plzz make it hapen for me n him to get marid. and nothing would happen at all. i did istihara didnt see anythng. i would constntly pray read the quran and ask Allah swt and continue to ask the same thing that bring us together n the fam to come bak to ask for my rishta and for him to speak up n tel his fam that he wants to marry me
one days i was just in thinking mode and i was thinking to myself that i knw Allah swt answers the believers duas he doesnt turn us away empty handed on some level our duas are answered it may nt be in the same way we expected or wanted bt they for sure are answered, we may nt think it at the time but in upcoming months u look back n think Allah did answer my prayers.
i was in constant thought im reading my namaz, im reading the quran everyday even at night before going sleep. im constanly remembering Allah. even to the point where im talking to Allah swt in terms oviously i Dnt knw what Allah swt is saying bt i knew Allah swt was listening to me. bt after all this im thinking why is nothing happening still in terms of the proposal i knew there was a reason behind it. that maybe this wasnt good for me and best for me and Allah swt accepts duas that will be best for us. and maybe this rishta is nt good for me thats why its not happning.
it jus hit me how ignortant i had been for kept asking the same dua constantanly considering the situation. i would say Ya Allah make it hapen make it hapen. but i knw see that Allah swt was protecting me thats y this proposal didnt happen. Allah swt has something better for me InshAllah.
then the next time i prayed instead of asking the usual that i had been asking i had said Ya Allah if this guy is good for me and im good for him let everything fall together and give a sign. but if he is not good for me of if we are nt good for each other then remove the love or care i have him from my heart.
And MashAllah Allah swt answered my prayers.
as interms of the other girl they have him engaged or said to that is soo complicated. she is trying to get a divorce thru a kullah bt her husband is nt accepting the divorce. bt i feel sorry for that girl as she went through a lot in her first marriage i just hope they are good to her. they have made it ovious to the fam they like her for how she does housewrk nt as person which is very wrng i think. also alot of things have come out wich i didnt knw back then about the family and the guy and all im saying ALLAH SWT PROTECTED ME TO THE FULLEST FOR NT MAKING MY RISHTA HAPPEN WITH THIS GUY. Allah swt was thinking the best for me thats y it didnt happen.
thank you so much for ur advice it made alot of sense its put things into perspective. it made alot of sense in terms of what the situation is. i truely believ u gave me really good advice that made complete sense islamically, morally and emotionally too. thank u
Asalaamualaykum Dear Samera,
Alhumdulillah, I am glad you turned to Allah. I often feel bad for you and other people that write in because it takes a while for us to reply to you. I know how desperate you all are for some advice. But Alhumdulillah, even in that there is blessing maashAllah, as it has made you turn to Allah wholeheartedly.
A situation that makes you do immense dua and seek help from Allah is a blessing in disguise. May Allah continue to protect you dear sister.
Please keep this soul in your prayers too,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
thank u sisters sam, asli and asli i appreciate u giving ur input.
as for the children question he doesnt have kids. if me and this guy was meant to be and he had kids that would afftect my decision. kids dnt affect how a husband and wife are with each other. its down to the husband and wife and their thinking how they treat each other. like sisterz said children are a gift from Allah swt
thank u sisterz
Mashallah you and the other editors are doing are great on helping others. May Allah swt reward u all.
InshAllah ur are in my duas sister. may Allah swt accept ur duas and reward u in this life and the hereafter.
Assalam Alaikum,
Im i relationship wid a guy 4 past 2years......v hve been lykin each odr n also repect d same for each odr
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